Slip Into The Tragedy

The next morning had all the signs pointing to a beautiful day. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened, as I stared out the window, where everything was so green and beautiful, so alive. I let out a long yawn, and remembered the past few weeks, Bert dumping me, my near-death experience, Bert taking me back. It all seemed so far away right now, as I stared out the window. I slowly heaved myself off the bed and walked towards the window. I opened it and stoodn there for a while as the warm wind played around the room. There was a quiet knock on the door. It was my old bedroom, and everything the same as when I'd moved out at the age of
"Yes?" Gerard called.
"It's me, Mikey. Can I come in?" Mikey's soft, quiet voice came from the other side of the poster covered door.
"Yeah, sure," I called. Mikey entered quietly.
"How are -- sorry, I won't ask how you are, I know how annoying it is. I remember when I was sick with the flu last year and everyone was asking me how I was all the time. I remember how pissed off I was. I also -- not that I'm comparing your...situation to being sick, although what you did was pretty sick, you know...and selfish... and mean... and stupid..." Mikey said. Gerard raised his hand in defeat.
"I know, I know, you don't have to tell me," I said. "Mikey, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking... It just happened..."
"Things like that don't just HAPPEN, Gerard. Why didn't you tell me something was bothering you? We could've figured something out and this wouldn't have happened," Mikey said, obvious hurt in his voice.
"It's not your fault. It was just me being a selfish asshole. I promise I'll never do anything like that again," Gerard said.
"How do you know, Gee? You did it before, who's to say you won't do it again? How can you be so sure?" Mikey asked, trying not to let it show that inside he was falling apart.
"I know I can't justify my actions, but I was going through a rough time and I just... couldn't see a solution anymore. There was just one thing for me to do and that was to -"
"To kill yourself? You think that's the answer; do you think that's the only way? Gerard, people break up all the fucking time, but they don't go killing themselves. Well, some do, but you're supposed to be one of the smart ones. Trying to take the easy way out isn't so smart. Not like this, anyway."
Gerard felt more miserable with each minute passing. Mikey was right, though he hated admitting it.
"I know, I know," was all Gerard could say. Mikey had never been so right, but what happened had already happened and there was so little he could do about it. He didn't think he'd do it again, but he understood Mikey's concern. It was fact that people who attempt suicide are more likely to try it again. But he wasn't going to do it again. Was he?
"Well, I'm going out with Diana. I'll keep my cell phone on, if you need anything." And he walked out.
----
Gerard longed for fresh air. It was the first time he went out of my parent's house after he got out of the hospital. It was sunny and warm, but somehow he didn't feel any of it. Not that he felt numb, he just was too caught up in his own thoughts. It wasn't until he walked past the local park, when he snapped back to reality, watching children run around, dogs chasing frisbees, proud parents watching. It made him feel warm. It was something he'd always wanted; a family. He had meaning to mention to Bert that if their relationship had any chance of lasting for ever, maybe they could adopt. It had for a while now been a dream of his. But even though Bert loved me, I wasn't sure if he was ready for such a big commitment. I decided against it. We'd just gotten through a rocky patch in our lives and relationship and it was time for us to focus on ourselves. We'd been too busy with our bands, and not spending much time together. Hopefully it would change now. The guys had agreed on taking a indefinite break from the band. It was the only idea that sounded good. It was Ray who had come up with the idea, and the rest agreed at once.
Gerard exited the suburban neighborhood of his parents' and looked around for a taxi. One passed him by, and Gerard managed just in time to shout, and was surprised to see the car come to a halt. He ran to catch up with the car and jumped inside. He gave the driver Ray's address and within half an hour, he was there. He paid the man and knocked on Ray's door. He opened the door in a minute.
"Gerard. Hey, how are you, man?" Ray asked, surprised but happy.
"I... I just wanted to see you," Gerard said.
Ray hesitated for a moment, before pulling on a wide smile.
"Of course," Ray said, stepping in to make way for him to enter.
They walked together into the unusually tidy living room.
"Your mother?" Gerard asked.
"Yeah, she just left. Had one of her manic moods earlier. Said this looked like a pig-sty. Don't know what she meant by that, my aparment's always been cozy."
"You and your mother clearly have a different definition of the word 'cozy', Ray," Gerard grinned.
"Yeah well.... it's just cozy, goddamnit," Ray laughed and sat down on the beanie-bag in the corner, whilst Gerard remained still by the window.
"You gonna sit down?" Ray asked. Gerard stayed silent. "Gerard? You okay?"
Gerard's head turned. "Yeah? Sorry, sorry... Zoned out a bit." He sat down on a couch next to Ray's beanie-bag.
"Gerard... I'm worried about you," Ray said after a few minutes' of silence.
Gerard snorted. "I think I've heard that one before."
"You know we just want to help..."
"Well, maybe I don't need your fucking help! Maybe I can do this on my own!" Gerard said, flaring up suddenly, jumping from the chair.
"You DO need help, Gerard. Popping painkillers in the bathroom is your definiton of HELP?" Ray said, his voice rising ever so slightly. "Let's face it, Gerard, you need serious help. This isn't healthy. Hell, it's the opposite of any common sense and sanity, and you of all people should know that. Look what's this is doing to you, and your family. Have you looked into Mikey's eyes recently? I haven't even seen this much sadness in the eyes of a person who's witnessed so much more. This is affecting us all, in ways you never would have imagined."
Silence.
"I don't fucking care anymore! You know, I did not come here just so you could get up on my back about this, Ray," Gerard said, heading for the door.
"Dude! I'm just trying to help, but if you don't want my help --" Gerard slammed the door, not bothering to listen anymore.