Annabelle

The next week had seemed to fly by, December seamlessly seemed to be sneaking just around the corner. The Local Christmas Tree Shopee’s were packed and lines waited outside anxiously to get a look at the store’s holiday items. Instead of getting a jump-start on Holiday shopping, I sat in sweatpants lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. This day had seamlessly creeped up on me once again, even though I’d hoped somehow the calendar had skipped it. My eyes were moist, yesterdays mascara smeared over my face. My body ached, my heart sore and lungs barely breathing.

Three Years. It seemed like it was yesterday, both of them were cuddling in bed watching lifetime movies. That horrific night had changed the course of my life, and unexpectedly through challenges I thought that I would never be facing alone.

December 9th, 2008 had most definitely been the worst day of my existence. It had been a cold dreary December night, the rain forcefully slamming against the earth. The apartment lights flickered ever so often, myself baking cookies in the kitchen none the less. You could hear the blazing basketball game from the other room, shouts coming ever so often. It was like any night. I had finished cleaning and doing the laundry, He’dgotten out of work and came home to watch the Lakers game. Nothing was going to prepare me for the events that would happen in the next few hours.

“Jake, babe. I’m starving. Can we get some Taco Bell or something?” I questioned from the kitchen as I peered out the window to see the rain hitting pretty hard against the gravel two stories down. Wiping my hands on the towel next to the sink, I put the last batch of cookies in the oven before Jake entered the kitchen. His blonde hair was slightly messed, his A&F shirt sitting cozily around his abs.

“Nevermind. It’s raining pretty hard. I’ll just heat up some frozen pizza I bought last week.” I told him as he just shook his head, smiling lightly as he peered over at me, giving me a look.

“Hon, I was going to go out anyway. Plus I know your “friend” is arriving soon.” He smirked as I rolled my eyes, a smile still sitting along my lips. “I’ll get your usual, and just maybe get some more Ben & Jerry’s so we can have a movie night tonight.” He smiled as his hands pulled my waist closer to his own, my head burrowing in his neck. He kissed my head slowly, as I moved up to kiss his lips. Even on my tippy toe’s he was still seemingly taller than I was. He pulled my body up slightly as our lips met completely.

“Love you.” He mumbled against my lips as I smiled, whispering it back into his ear. As he let go of me, he grabbed his wallet off the side, taking the keys off the hook. I looked over at him as he was leaving, smiling lightly as the door shut tightly. Looking back at the timer, I just sighed, pulling my blackberry out of my pocket, texting Taylor.

My eyes shut tightly as the memories had flooded back, a sob escaping my lips as I gripped the sheets tighter as my body shook violently. Even though I attempted to erase the memories from my brain, they stayed. Every moment so vivid, making me relive the past I so desperately wanted to get rid of.

Two hours had passed as I sat by the phone, the apartment quiet. He hadn’t answered his phone, and my stomach had seemingly turned uncomfortably in my stomach. I tried to shake off the feeling, but nothing had seemed to work. Confused, I layed on the couch, wondering where he was. Maybe he saw a friend. Or maybe Taco Bell wasn’t open, so we went downtown. The possibilities were endless, but somewhat gave me comfort. So instead of cuddling with the love of my life, I sat alone on the couch worried sick.

Two hard knocks on the door made me jump slightly, my heart skipping a beat. Walking over to the door assuming he’d forgotten his key, I pushed it open. confusingly looking out, two police officers stood tall, there faces softening at the sight of me. I stared at them for a moment, as complete confusion took over.

“Audrey Kingsley?” one officer spoke, his voice soft and careful. I nodded slightly as I leaned into the door before the next one started to speak. Suddenly I looked at him before tears started to stream down my face.

“No-n-o-o No.” I cried out as my body shook violently as my body slid down the wall, curling up as I cried the hardest I’d ever cried in my life.

That night I found out my boyfriend, Jake Cooper had died on impact from a drunk driver whom had been driving an eighteen wheeler. On top of that, my declination of heath from the news had me admitted to the hospital. That was when I’d found out I was pregnant with my now dead boyfriends baby. With my twentieth birthday nearing, a lot had seemed to hit me at once. Jake- he was my high school sweetheart since Junior Year. We’d met at an end of the year party Sophomore year, and things went on from there. I was sure I would have married him, and my suspicions were right, when only months later his mother found an engagement ring hidden in his old bedroom under a board. Looking down at my ring on my hand, my sobs had somewhat become audibly louder. A soft hand rubbed my back as I looked up, rubbing my tears away slightly to see a teary-eyed Taylor sitting on the edge of my bed, a bag of chinese sitting near the foot of the bed.

“Comon Aud.” Taylor cooed in my air softly as she lifted my body slowly, my arms grasping her as tears streamed down my face, body still shaking. He was my soulmate and I was one hundred and twenty percent sure that we’d be together forever. But god seemed to have different plans when he robbed the only thing I’d ever truly loved off of the face of the earth. The only blessing is that I was left with Annabelle, the only reason I get up every morning.

As my sniffles started to subside, I looked up at my best friend, blood shot eyes and all. She slowly shook the bag she had next to her, the steaming hot bag containing moisture as slight drops ascended from the bag. Wiping tears off my face, I sniffled before slowly removing myself from the bed. Taylor followed me silently from the bedroom to the kitchen as I headed for the cabinets, a small flower sat in a vase in the middle of the breakfast bar.

Taylor usually would come over on these days, both of us cry and pig out to chinese food. Ever since the accident, a part of me has been missing. And on those good days, Taylor could somehow make me forget for just a little while and live again. Passing over a plate to her, she smiled generously, opening the brown bag and she unloaded all of the food. Sitting at the small breakfast bar, his face traced my mind slowly, just smiling. My memories of him were sweet and I cherished every moment I’d spent with him.

Through the rough time and loosing my soulmate, god did leave me a little gift to remember him forever. Annabelle’s smile was an exact replica of her fathers. Even though memories flood back frequently, I stay strong for my little girl. I’m all she has left in this world, and I plan to be the best mother I can possibly be.

“Belle’s at Sarah’s?” Taylor asked as she used chopsticks to pull some noodles onto her plate. I nodded softly as I leaned back into the chair, huffing only slightly. My phone started to vibrate on the table, myself not even bothering to look at it. As I let it go to voicemail, it started up again, before Taylor answered it for me. She put it on speaker as the person on the other line started talking.

“Hello?” a voice softly spoke as I now recognized it as Joe. I winced slightly before looking out the window, my gaze blurred as my mind raced.

“Joe, hi. This is Taylor.” She said back as I felt her glance over at me, my body not moving an inch. After we’d gone to lunch last week, we’d frequently spoke on the phone and had long night Skype calls. He was so easy to talk to, and part of me wanted to tell him about Jake. Even so, the voices in my head told me not to, and talking to him felt wrong at times. I felt as if I was somehow betraying him. Even though I knew it wasn’t true, I still felt as if it was. No matter what, I could never bring Jake back. I was slowly on my way to being over him, and get my life back on track.

“Oh Taylor?” his voice questioned slightly as my gaze stayed steady, the outdoor window a blur. “Is Aud there? I have these lyrics in dire need of her expertise.” he spoke as I could picture the smirk lying along his sweet lips, his eyes twinkling like the nights starlit sky.

I looked over at her for a moment, her face calm, but she tapped her knee against the barstool, giving away her nervousness. I just shook my head and took a bite of a warm egg roll, a small sigh escaping my lips.

“She’s... very busy today. Left her phone at my house. I’m returning it sometime tomorrow, I’ll tell her you called okay?” She fumbled her words only slightly, her little white lie still a legitimate reason. He paused for a moment, a sound as if he was just about to speak, but shut his lips once again.

“Oh. Okay then. Tell Jason I say hello.” his voice hinted slight disappointment, but I just brushed it off my shoulder and took a sip of the coke in front of me. Taylor placed the phone on the table ever so lightly, the room suddenly noisy yet silent. Part of me slightly felt bad for blowing him off, but my heart ached from the pain he was causing me today.

My eye caught Taylor’s shimmering ring on her finger, the sun that peered through the window shining on it slightly. I then looked at my own finger, the small simple diamond still sending tingles down my spine. It was simple and elegant, sure no show stopper. Even so, I knew he had put a lot of thought into the picking process. Even if it was just a silver band, I would prefer it than any elaborate ring in the world. I knew that one day, I would have a ring on my right hand, and a loving husband sitting on the couch sipping his coffee as he watched a football game. I still wasn’t comfortable with the thought, but I knew I was on my way to accepting that he’s gone for good and I can never get him back. I was on the slow, and painful road to recovery. I’m hiding anymore. I will will get through this.

The day passed slowly, and had consisted of chinese food, a couple of movies before three o’clock had hit. Sarah was due any minute now, as I stared at the small flower Taylor had brought me. My stomach turned as my mind sat blank, staring at the black television. I could see my reflection vaguely, my eyes worn and hair slightly messy. Three years back, I could see my puffy bags under my tender eyelids, the stained mascara tears seemed tattooed onto my face I was sure that I could never possibly cry anymore than I had that day. Resting my head against the back wall lightly, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Thoughts and memories that were stored in my brain seemed to be on re-run mode all day, and the slightest thing could be a potential breakdown. He wasn’t just some boy. Multiple therapists had told me to realize the fact I was never getting back, and to move on. But Jake wasn’t just one of those high school lovers. We were soul mates. Apparently god had a different plan, and I knew that would always overrule mine. The white picked fence soon turned to cold metal fences. The green grass soon turned to patchy bald spots along the grass. The beautiful pink hydrangea flowers were now packaged store bought flowers. Instead of his heartbeat next to mine every night, he spend it alone in the cold ground. All that was left to his name was a small, headstone. I know now that he would have wanted me to be happy, and give his little princess everything that she ever wanted, and that was my plan.

The buzzer swarmed through the small apartment, my eye lids immediately opened, as Taylor’s figure walked over to the small intercom before buzzing the person in. I could hear Annabelle’s cheery voice through the paper thin walls, my lips wanting to smile. Even so, I held in my emoticons and swallowed any feelings that I had back. Your strong Audrey. Hold it in for your little girl. She doesn’t know any different. As the door opened, A very pregnant Sarah waddled in the door as her round belly looked even more seemingly apparent, her twins growing like weeds.

“Hi babygirl. I brought Sugar Babies.” She gave me a smile with a sorry look, embracing me as she handed me the small package. Throughout rough times we had around the office, Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies packages were spread throughout the entire room. Today, sadly was one of those days.

Annabelle was talking to Taylor proudly, as she held up what looked like a new barbie doll. Looking over at Sarah she quickly looked down as I sighed.

“Sarah... you didn’t have to do that. She has plenty of toys that she can play with.” I sighed as I looked at Annabelle’s shining eyes as she smoothed the dress that sat around the barbies body. I knew that Sarah didn’t mean harm. I appreciated the things that she does for me very much. It just kills me when I can’t give her everything I knew that she wanted. It nearly kills me when we walk by the large, Barbie doll house that I could never afford. I was already back two months of rent, and it was only time before an eviction notice would be at my doorstep. Hours passed as night settled in, My two best friends hugging me by the door as we said our goodbyes.

“Call me if you need anything.” Taylor whispered in my ear as Sarah’s head nodded in agreement as well, as she embraced me in a hug as well. With one last look, the door closed quietly and made the oh so familiar clicking sound. The dim kitchen light the apartment only slightly, the noise of the TV on in the bedroom barely heard. My phone buzzed lightly in my back pocket as I sighed lightly. Sitting down on the couch, I brought my legs to my chest as I took a deep breath. Opening my new text message, a familiar name showed up.

From: Joe.
8:36 pm

Hey Beautiful, hope your alright. If I did anything for you to ignore me, I’m sorry. I can’t stand when people are mad at me. Call me when you can. -Joe.

Dammit. I knew that there was a pretty big chance that he wouldn’t believe Taylor, since he’d probably spent time with her due to the upcoming wedding. Even thought I knew that I probably shouldn’t text him back, I took a deep breath and pressed respond.

To: Joe.
8:40 pm
Hey, Yeah... its been a long day. Sorry. If you need me to look over those lyrics send them to my email. I’ll gladly go over them for you. ~ Aud.

Putting my phone down on the glass table, I slowly raised my frail body from the couch and slowly walked towards Annabelle’s bedroom. Only a small nightlight was on in the small room, Her small chest rising, then falling again as she laid on her back in her crib. Pulling the covers over her body, I combed my fingers through her hair slightly as her nose twitched only slightly. It seemed like just yesterday she was three weeks old, bright eyes staring up at me. Her hand could barely wrap around my pointer finger.

On my bed, I heard in the distance, Skype’s ring chiming. I hadn’t remembered leaving my laptop open, but god knows with my emotions being on a roller coaster. Quietly slipping out of the room, I walked into my bedroom slowly before shutting the door so Annabelle wouldn’t be awoken. Slowly I sat on my bed as I slowly pressed the answer as the computer booted slightly, before his face appeared. I could see he was in his office, the large music mural almost not visible due to the poor lighting in the room.

“I’m really sorry- I just knew that you could help me with these damn lyrics.” He exasperated as I just shook my head, giving a slight smile, even though my eyes were glossy as if I had been crying for hours. Even though this was true, I just hoped that he didn’t notice.

“It’s fine, really.” My voice cracked slightly from not talking much today. Seeing the small cup of water on the side table, I took a sip as it coated my throat, making it feel slightly better. Glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, his face scruffy from not shaving for a few days.

“Alright, I got most of the first verses done. It starts off like this.” He explained as he cleared his throat before singing. “I Love a girl in a whole nother language, People look at us strange.
Don't understand us.They try to change it. I try to tell her don't changeWe talk loud and they say it sounds crazy. Love's even more wild when you're angry” His voice slowly faded out as my breath was practically taken away. I knew that he could write lyrics, but his voice- it was like an angel. My eyes seemingly watered the least bit, as my mind raced at the next verse.

“Um. how about, Don't understand why you wanna change it Girl listen to me!You're just running from the... truth, But I'm scared of.. losing you...” I swallowed as I grabbed my reading glasses out of my side drawer before opening a document.

“Thats absolutely studding Ms. Kingsley. If I do say myself.” He laughed as I smiled only lightly, my mood only slightly improved from moments before. And thats how I spent my night. Skying with Joe, going over lyrics, and discussing what fit better and other things we should take out. For once, I actually wasn’t crying on this dreaded night. For once, I slept peacefully.