Jasey Rae

The rest of the weekend I was a mess. I never left my room, I barely ate, I barely slept. My pillow was soaked with tears to the point where I had to replace the cover. I shuffled out of my car the following Monday morning wearing only sweats, no make-up, and my hair in a messy bun. Alex left me a mess. I could feel tears form in my eyes as I walked across the parking lot. I wiped them away as I took a deep breath reminding myself to be strong before entering the bleak Dulaney halls.

“Jasey!” a voice called from behind me as I ignored it. “Jasey!” it called again and then spun me around. The sun was in my eyes and then I finally came face to face with Alex. I could feel my eyes swell with tears.

“Jasey, I am so sorry,” Alex choked out.

I broke down. “I loved you Alex!” I sobbed.

“I know Jasey,” he said, “I am so sorry.”

“Why?” I pleaded, “How could you do this?”

“It just happened. Noel found me after the show. She loved the song and then she kissed me,” he explained wiping some of my tears, “I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. You really don’t Jase. I love you.”

I looked into his eyes. He was truly and sincerely sorry, but my heart still ached. How could I forgive him? He broke me.

“Please- I’ll do anything, Jasey,” he begged, “I honestly love you. Please tell me you still love me too.”

I could hear the pain and sincerity in his voice. I wanted to love him- I really did.

“I love you too,” I said unconvincingly. I couldn’t even believe myself. It was as if I was trying to fool myself into loving him again but it didn’t work.

“Don’t make this easy,” he said softly my face still in his hands, “I want you to mean it.”

I remained silent as I quietly choked on tears.

“You don’t mean it do you?” he breathed as he slowly took his hands from my face.
I shook my head too weak to utter a word. Alex remained in front of me. He couldn’t bear to look at me.

“Say you mean it,” he pleaded, his voice low as he made his last attempt to win me back.

“I can’t,” I said softly. I couldn’t even look into his eyes. My heart still stung.

I turned away and left silently, tears still falling from my eyes. I left the boy I once loved to stand alone on Dulaney’s front steps as I did at Mike’s last Friday night. Hopefully he felt at least the slightest bit how what I felt that night. I entered Dulaney’s unwelcoming halls with a heavy heart. I had lost it all that morning.