Sitting In My Trackie Bums!

<Rick>
We pull up outside Kathy's in the old corolla. I'm quite pleased we picked the cheapest car we have because no one wanted to steal it. Although they did draw a rude symbol (Rachel didn't recognize it though) in the dirt on the back window.
''I've missed them so much! And I can't wait to see my niece! Oh this is exciting! '' Rachel exclaims as she knocks on the door.
''Who is it?'' Some one with a high pitched squeaky voice says.
''Me and Rachel.'' I say.
We hear some weird yodeling noise and everything in the house goes quiet.
''You can't come in.'' She says simply and we hear her walking away.
''What does she mean; 'you can't come in'? What are they doing in there?'' Rachel asks.
''I have no idea.''
I keep knocking until my fist gets sore.
''Jason! Tabbitha!''I shout.
What are they doing in there?

<Tracy>
''Are they still there?!'' I shout to Rita who's spying out the window at them.
''Yeah. Ugh I can see right down Rachel's top, its disgusting.''
I run over to her as fast as lightning.
''Job swap!''
''But I don't want to...''
''Now!'' I exclaim, pushing her out of the way.
This view is perfect! I open the window and lean out (keeping the curtains wrapped around me for a disguise).
''Hey! Who's that up there?!'' Rick shouts.
I quickly pull myself back in and slam the window shut wishing I'd took a few pickys.

<Kathy>
''I want to go home!'' Jason the whiny minger (He taught me to say that)says.
''You belong with the gang!'' I whisper.
I tied them to wheely chairs with thick rope and super long jelly snakes. Chad said he didn't mind staying so he's watching TV.
''Chad! Help me!'' Tabby shouts.
''Tabbitha, my own niece betraying me!''
''Shut up Kathy, we're gonna come back. Just let us out!''
''Can I have one of those jelly snakes?'' Keith asks.
''No!'' I shout.
The timer on the oven goes off, alerting me that Vagena-Kentucky's nap time is over.
''Watch them!'' I shout and run to the kitchen. I open the oven door and pull out the sleeping baby.
I turn off the oven and stick her in the sink.
''Wash time!''
She smiles at me creepily as I take her newspaper nappy off.
''Vagena! What have I told you about nicking my food?!''
I pull out the empty crisp packet and stick it in the bin (after I searched for crumbs of course).
I squirt her with the washing up liquid and then rinse it off.
''Keith,you take over now!'' I shout.
I left him with the worst job. Nappy disposal.

<Rick>
''This is ridiculous! Lets go round the back.''
''Ooh I feel like James Bond!'' Rachel Says.
We open the unlocked gate and walk around the back.
''Wait there!'' I tell her. She looks like shes about to wee her knickers.
I peep through the window and see Keith wearing a gas mask and using an oven glove to throw a bit of newspaper in the bin. Then I see a little Asian baby sitting in the washing machine and trying to scoff crisps but she has no teeth.
Typical.
I pull open the door and run in.
''Kathy!!!! The Knickers are in the dryer! I repeat the KNICKERS ARE IN THE DRYER!''
What an awful code name.
Suddenly a whole army of fatties come running in with water guns.
''My HAIR!'' I shout and run back out.
''I JUST GOT IT STYLED!'' I shriek angrily.
Thats it.
I run in like a brave night, dodging the water squirting at me like bullets. I pull off the untied ropes wrapped around my kids and bite into the jelly snakes.
''Dad!!'' Tabby exclaims.
''Dad? Whats up with your hair?!'' Jason asks.
''Nooo!'' The fatties shout.
I pick up Tabby in one arm, Jason in the other. I carry them about a meter when my arms feel like their about to drop off.
''Run Kids!!'' I scream and Chad follows us out.
The fatties chase after us on scooters but we manage to dive into the car and run off just in time.
''Where's Rachel?'' I ask as we get to the end of the road. We see her in a tree, the lunatics at the bottom with sticks.
Oh god.