Sitting In My Trackie Bums!
Apple Jacks
<Kathy>
I google search FindAGuy/Girl.com (A dating site Rita told me about) and register.
Hmm...what should I put in the 'describe yourself' colum?
I type in:
Hi, I'm Kathleen. I have strawberry blonde hair, brown eyes, and a small nose. I'm a model
from Paris and I'm a size six. I'm quite famous in Paris, so I'm rich, but not so famous that I'm all under pressure and doing drugs or anything. I drive a ferrari but I also have a porsche.
I've had heaps of marriage proposals from various celebrities but I declined them all.
I'm twenty five and...
Wait. Should I put I have a Chihuahua? nah, that's too unrealistic.
Instead I put: Leo Decaprio gave me his phone number but I can't tell you what it is 'cause he made me swear not to tell anyone.
I am one of the woman Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with but no one except me, Tiger Woods and you, know, so shh! Oh, and If you ask him he'll deny it.
I use a photo of the internet for my profile pic, and log of.
<Tracy>
I walk to the pet shop wearing a spider man mask.
''Do you sell rabbits?'' I ask using a disguised Australian voice.
''Yes.'' The guy at the counter says, giving me a funny look.
I look at the rabbits and chose a brown boy and a white girl.
''Do you sell um...rabbit condoms?''
''What?''
''Rabbit condoms?''
''Err....no.''
The guy gives me another stare.
''Right..how much for the rabbits?
''Fifty.''
''Thousand!!!!'' I shriek.
''No, just fifty pounds.''
''Oh.''
I pay for the rabbits, and for some rabbit food, and leave.
<Kathy>
I log back on to the dating site. Five responses! I click on the first one.
DudecalledJoe:
U actually think ppl will believe you're a model? cum on.
Right well, the next message will be better.
I click on the next one.
AlexisP:
ur usin an easy 2 find google searched pic. And T W and L D like u? right.
OK, next one will be better.
SamanthalovesGummybears!:
I actually feel sorry for you.
Well that was slightly better. I click on the next one.
SandyJ:
I've had heaps of marriage proposals from various celebrities but I declined them all? yeah. Leo D isn't goin 2 like someone with a photo of the net for their profile pic.
OK, next one will be better.
Deanlikessprouts!
Ur probably a spotty 50 yr old with a double chin.
The next one will be better. It has to be.
I click on it.
Spidermaniscuul!
Wow u sond cuul Tigger Woods is mi hiiro. I lik u.
Wahey! he likes me.
I reply instantly.
I lik' (his funky spelling is cool so I'll copy it.)u to sexy!
I send it, giggling.
<Tracy>
I put the rabbits next to each other.
''OK now, have sex!'' I tell them.
They don't do anything.
''Come on, I want to watch you having sex!'' I yell. I pick up the boy and put it on the girls back. It slides off.
''Pathetic!'' I yell angrily. I pick up the boy, and turn him over.
A horrible sight meets my eyes.
They're both girls!
I google search FindAGuy/Girl.com (A dating site Rita told me about) and register.
Hmm...what should I put in the 'describe yourself' colum?
I type in:
Hi, I'm Kathleen. I have strawberry blonde hair, brown eyes, and a small nose. I'm a model
from Paris and I'm a size six. I'm quite famous in Paris, so I'm rich, but not so famous that I'm all under pressure and doing drugs or anything. I drive a ferrari but I also have a porsche.
I've had heaps of marriage proposals from various celebrities but I declined them all.
I'm twenty five and...
Wait. Should I put I have a Chihuahua? nah, that's too unrealistic.
Instead I put: Leo Decaprio gave me his phone number but I can't tell you what it is 'cause he made me swear not to tell anyone.
I am one of the woman Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with but no one except me, Tiger Woods and you, know, so shh! Oh, and If you ask him he'll deny it.
I use a photo of the internet for my profile pic, and log of.
<Tracy>
I walk to the pet shop wearing a spider man mask.
''Do you sell rabbits?'' I ask using a disguised Australian voice.
''Yes.'' The guy at the counter says, giving me a funny look.
I look at the rabbits and chose a brown boy and a white girl.
''Do you sell um...rabbit condoms?''
''What?''
''Rabbit condoms?''
''Err....no.''
The guy gives me another stare.
''Right..how much for the rabbits?
''Fifty.''
''Thousand!!!!'' I shriek.
''No, just fifty pounds.''
''Oh.''
I pay for the rabbits, and for some rabbit food, and leave.
<Kathy>
I log back on to the dating site. Five responses! I click on the first one.
DudecalledJoe:
U actually think ppl will believe you're a model? cum on.
Right well, the next message will be better.
I click on the next one.
AlexisP:
ur usin an easy 2 find google searched pic. And T W and L D like u? right.
OK, next one will be better.
SamanthalovesGummybears!:
I actually feel sorry for you.
Well that was slightly better. I click on the next one.
SandyJ:
I've had heaps of marriage proposals from various celebrities but I declined them all? yeah. Leo D isn't goin 2 like someone with a photo of the net for their profile pic.
OK, next one will be better.
Deanlikessprouts!
Ur probably a spotty 50 yr old with a double chin.
The next one will be better. It has to be.
I click on it.
Spidermaniscuul!
Wow u sond cuul Tigger Woods is mi hiiro. I lik u.
Wahey! he likes me.
I reply instantly.
I lik' (his funky spelling is cool so I'll copy it.)u to sexy!
I send it, giggling.
<Tracy>
I put the rabbits next to each other.
''OK now, have sex!'' I tell them.
They don't do anything.
''Come on, I want to watch you having sex!'' I yell. I pick up the boy and put it on the girls back. It slides off.
''Pathetic!'' I yell angrily. I pick up the boy, and turn him over.
A horrible sight meets my eyes.
They're both girls!
♠ ♠ ♠
By yobbo