Sitting In My Trackie Bums!

<Jason>

We're halfway through our movie night and in an intense scene.
''Hi guys!''
''Aaaaahhhh!
''SHIT!''
''Oh my god!''
Everyone jumps and screams as Tabby pops up behind us.
''TABBY! how long have you been there?''
''Fifteen minutes?''
''Bloody hell!''
''I just had to see Chris.''
She winks at him.
''I have to sing a song for you Chris!''
Shit.
''No. No you don't.'' I say quickly.
She runs out and comes back with a CD player.
She presses the play button.
What The Hell by Avril Lavigne comes on and she starts lip singing, while dancing round.

You say that I'm messing with your head
All cause I was making out with your friend
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong
I can't stop cause I'm having too much fun

You're on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy

All my life I've been good,
But now
I'm thinking What The Hell
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
If you love me
If you hate me
You can save me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now
Whoaaa...
What The Hell

So what if I go out on a million dates
You never call or listen to me anyway
I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day
Don't get me wrong
I just need some time to play

You're on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy

All my life I've been good,
But now
I'm thinking What The Hell
All I want is to mess around

And I don't really care about
If you love me
If you hate me
You can save me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now
Whoaaa...
What The Hell

Lalalala la la
Whoa Whoa
Lalalala la la
Whoa Whoa

You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head when
I'm messing with you in bed

All my life I've been good,
But now
I'm thinking What The Hell
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
All my life I've been good,
But now
I'm thinking What The Hell
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
If you love me
If you hate me
You can save me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now
Whoaaa...
What The Hell

Lalalalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalalala

''I love you.'' She scarily whispers at Chris.
''OK, get out or I call the police!'' He yells.
''I thought she liked me?'' Chad asks aloud.
''Oh babe. I did. But then Chris came, and well, it's nice to find someone who takes an interest.''
''Are you serious?'' Asks Chris.
''Yes.''
''And Chris, I have a question to ask you.''
''What?'' He grips the bat.
She gets down on one knee.
Oh holy jesus.
''Chris Chrislington.''
''That's not my...''
''Shh.'' She puts a finger on his lips. He looks traumatized.
''Will you marry me?'' She pulls out a plastic ring she got from a Christmas cracker.
''Woah!''
''Say yes darling!'' She yells, grabs him and starts chewing his mouth of.
He pulls away.
''I'm leaving!'' He screams.

<Tabby>
My first kiss! obviously it was to much for him, I mean, he clearly loves me, and can't handle it. I guess I am cool and beautiful. I should have lots of husbands!''
''When shall we be married, Christopher?'' I ask.
''We're not getting married! I think you're an ugly freak!'' he screams.
''Chris...that was low.'' Chad murmurs.
''But, you love me!''
''I don't even like you! you scare me!''
''Chris...'' Chad warns again.
''You think I'm hot?''
''NO!''
''You, um...like my dancing?''
''No.''
''I hate you! you bastard! you utter bastard! you scrotum licker!''
Everyone looks shocked.
''Tabby, where did you learn those words?'' Jason asks.
''That is none of your concern.''
I walk out in tears.

Over the next week, everyone has been worrying about me. Even Auntie Kathy has come round and tried to comfort me.
Jason walks in.
''Tabby, you haven't left your bed in a week.''
''Six days.''
''OK, fine six days. But you had only just met Chris.''
''It was long enough to fall in love Jason. And he broke my heart.''
''Right.''
''He's just a silly scrotum face.''
''Where did you learn that word? do you even know what it is?''
''A vegetable?''
''Um, yeah.''
''He will die.''
''Now, now.''
''No. He will. I will find his address, and stab him. I've got a knife ready.'' I pull out my knife.
He laughs.
''What?''
''You can't stab people with that, it's just a knife you eat your food with.''
''Oh. OK, well, I'll kill him another way.''
''Look Tabby, I'm sorry, but some of the things you said were scary, and he was terrified.''
''He'll be very scared soon.''
''Tabby...''
''Tell young Christopher, that I'm coming. And he will burn in hell.''