Sitting In My Trackie Bums!
Honey Smacks
<Tabby>
''So, what are we doing today?'' I ask auntie Kathy.
''Right, well at twelve thirty Jeremy Kyle comes on so we'll watch that, then we'll go to burger king for lunch and at two forty three we're having a gang meeting.''
''Brilliant!''
<Jason>
We're driving to burger king now, in Kathy's new car. It's pretty shit and only reaches a speed of about 50 at the most. Plus Kathy only goes at thirty so we've held up a load of people who are honking their horns angrily. I sink down in my seat.
''Hi can I take your order?'' Says that speaker as we drive through.
''I'll have...six cheeseburgers, four diet cokes, seven sundaes, all chocolate, and five fries.''
''Jesus.'' I whisper.
''And for the kids...''
''Oh my god.''
Once she's done we wait for the car in front to be given their food.
I look at the guy giving them the ketchup and freeze.
It's...Kevin.
Kevin. My cousin Kevin . Oh god.
His parents wanted him to make something of himself, but he shamed the family by dropping out of school and getting a job here. His parents disowned him and Dad told me to stay away from him. I don't think it was just because of Burger King. Something wasn't right about Kevin...
We haven't talked to him in years, especially since...the buffet.
I'm fourteen, and piling salad onto my plate. It's Auntie Sarah's barbecue buffet she 's arranged, and a week after Kevin had got a job at Burger King.
''You shouldn't be eating that.'' I turn, to see Kevin. Dad hovers nearby.
''Burger King tastes better.'' He says it creepily.
''Yeah.''
''You should work there. You can have it whenever you want...you could have it now.''
''Um, OK?''
''You could live with me, if you wanted...I now you'd want that...''
''He lives with me.'' Dad has joined us and looks threatening.
''Well, maybe he wants a change of scenery.''
''He won't like the view.''
Dad glares at Kevin, who is eating a sausage now.
I don't know what's going on.
''Jason, come with me.'' Dad says and I start to walk with him.
''I'll see you soon...Jason.'' I hear Kevin call.
''Don't look at him.'' Dad says.'' I need to talk with your aunt and uncle. I'll have Richard drive you home.''
(Richard is dad's best friend)
''Dad, what's wrong?''
''I can't tell you.''
I don't know what happened that day, but I do know that Kevin is creepy.
''Jason, isn't that...?'' Chad trails off and I remember he met Kevin once, about a month before the barbecue.
<Chad>
It's that guy. What's his name, Kevin?
I remember meeting that creep...
I walked into Jason's house to meet his aunt, uncle and cousin...
''This is Jason's best friend Chad. Chad this is Sarah, Charlie and Kevin.''
Rick gestures to each of them as he talks. I smile at all of them. Kevin looks me up and down and then stares very obviously at my crotch.
''Kevin.'' His mother nudges him quickly, looking embarrassed. He reluctantly takes his eyes of me and looks at his mother.
''Right then...'' Rick awkwardly changes the subject ''Who wants to play trivial pursuit?''
We all gather round and start playing, and Kevin keeps looking at me. I start feeling scared.
I excuse myself to go to the toilet. Once I'm done I step outside and straight into Kevin, who is waiting pressed against the door.
''Woops.'' He leans towards me and I stumble backwards, letting him fall on his face. I run away from him, down the stairs and towards the family playing trivial pursuit.
''Are you OK?'' Jason asks.
''Yeah.'' I can tell people are suspecting what happened.
''Maybe, we should go.'' Rick suggests.
We leave and I can tell his mum knows. She looks apologetic, anyway.
''Jason, I think we should hide. That guy...he's creepy.''
''Yeah, I know, but how?''
''Um, we duck down and...we cover ourselves with this!'' I hold up a blanket and we cover ourselves with it.
<Tabby>
''Here you go.'' The man gives us our food.
''Ketchup?'' Auntie asks. He gives us three packets.
''I'll be needing more.''
''He gives her three more and she starts to pay.
''Jason, Chad, what are you doing under there?'' I ask to the back seats.
No reply.
''Jason Locks, you answer me!'' I yell. ''And you too Chad!''
The man who gave us ketchup does a double take.
''Jason Locks? and his friend Chad?''
''Yeah!'' Kathy yells.
The man licks his lips.
''This is a surprise.''
''Do you know them?'' I ask.
''Yes. And if they could come to the men's bathrooms, cubicle in the middle, we can catch up there.''
''Would you like that boys? boys?''
''They're still hiding!''
''They're a bit shy.''
''I bet they are.'' He stares at the blanket looking hungrily in. ''How about you give me your address and I can come and visit?''
''Wonderful!''
<Jason>
I need help!
suddenly I get a call from Gerry-Helga.
''Hi Jason! guess what! I'm in the car behind you!''
''Help! Kathy's giving our address to a creep!''
''Does she know he's a creep?''
''Yes!''
''Ah, the ketchup guy. No worries. I'm there.'' She hangs up.
<Tabby>
Auntie Kathy is looking for some paper to write it on. The guy hands her a napkin.
''Thank you! OK...''
Suddenly I hear a car door slam and Gerry-Helga runs barefoot, to the space inbetween us and the guy.
''GET OUT OF HERE!'' She screams.
''What?'' Auntie asks.
''JUST DRIVE!'' She starts chanting then slaps the guy, and runs back to her own car.
''Let's go!'' we drive away.
''So, what are we doing today?'' I ask auntie Kathy.
''Right, well at twelve thirty Jeremy Kyle comes on so we'll watch that, then we'll go to burger king for lunch and at two forty three we're having a gang meeting.''
''Brilliant!''
<Jason>
We're driving to burger king now, in Kathy's new car. It's pretty shit and only reaches a speed of about 50 at the most. Plus Kathy only goes at thirty so we've held up a load of people who are honking their horns angrily. I sink down in my seat.
''Hi can I take your order?'' Says that speaker as we drive through.
''I'll have...six cheeseburgers, four diet cokes, seven sundaes, all chocolate, and five fries.''
''Jesus.'' I whisper.
''And for the kids...''
''Oh my god.''
Once she's done we wait for the car in front to be given their food.
I look at the guy giving them the ketchup and freeze.
It's...Kevin.
Kevin. My cousin Kevin . Oh god.
His parents wanted him to make something of himself, but he shamed the family by dropping out of school and getting a job here. His parents disowned him and Dad told me to stay away from him. I don't think it was just because of Burger King. Something wasn't right about Kevin...
We haven't talked to him in years, especially since...the buffet.
I'm fourteen, and piling salad onto my plate. It's Auntie Sarah's barbecue buffet she 's arranged, and a week after Kevin had got a job at Burger King.
''You shouldn't be eating that.'' I turn, to see Kevin. Dad hovers nearby.
''Burger King tastes better.'' He says it creepily.
''Yeah.''
''You should work there. You can have it whenever you want...you could have it now.''
''Um, OK?''
''You could live with me, if you wanted...I now you'd want that...''
''He lives with me.'' Dad has joined us and looks threatening.
''Well, maybe he wants a change of scenery.''
''He won't like the view.''
Dad glares at Kevin, who is eating a sausage now.
I don't know what's going on.
''Jason, come with me.'' Dad says and I start to walk with him.
''I'll see you soon...Jason.'' I hear Kevin call.
''Don't look at him.'' Dad says.'' I need to talk with your aunt and uncle. I'll have Richard drive you home.''
(Richard is dad's best friend)
''Dad, what's wrong?''
''I can't tell you.''
I don't know what happened that day, but I do know that Kevin is creepy.
''Jason, isn't that...?'' Chad trails off and I remember he met Kevin once, about a month before the barbecue.
<Chad>
It's that guy. What's his name, Kevin?
I remember meeting that creep...
I walked into Jason's house to meet his aunt, uncle and cousin...
''This is Jason's best friend Chad. Chad this is Sarah, Charlie and Kevin.''
Rick gestures to each of them as he talks. I smile at all of them. Kevin looks me up and down and then stares very obviously at my crotch.
''Kevin.'' His mother nudges him quickly, looking embarrassed. He reluctantly takes his eyes of me and looks at his mother.
''Right then...'' Rick awkwardly changes the subject ''Who wants to play trivial pursuit?''
We all gather round and start playing, and Kevin keeps looking at me. I start feeling scared.
I excuse myself to go to the toilet. Once I'm done I step outside and straight into Kevin, who is waiting pressed against the door.
''Woops.'' He leans towards me and I stumble backwards, letting him fall on his face. I run away from him, down the stairs and towards the family playing trivial pursuit.
''Are you OK?'' Jason asks.
''Yeah.'' I can tell people are suspecting what happened.
''Maybe, we should go.'' Rick suggests.
We leave and I can tell his mum knows. She looks apologetic, anyway.
''Jason, I think we should hide. That guy...he's creepy.''
''Yeah, I know, but how?''
''Um, we duck down and...we cover ourselves with this!'' I hold up a blanket and we cover ourselves with it.
<Tabby>
''Here you go.'' The man gives us our food.
''Ketchup?'' Auntie asks. He gives us three packets.
''I'll be needing more.''
''He gives her three more and she starts to pay.
''Jason, Chad, what are you doing under there?'' I ask to the back seats.
No reply.
''Jason Locks, you answer me!'' I yell. ''And you too Chad!''
The man who gave us ketchup does a double take.
''Jason Locks? and his friend Chad?''
''Yeah!'' Kathy yells.
The man licks his lips.
''This is a surprise.''
''Do you know them?'' I ask.
''Yes. And if they could come to the men's bathrooms, cubicle in the middle, we can catch up there.''
''Would you like that boys? boys?''
''They're still hiding!''
''They're a bit shy.''
''I bet they are.'' He stares at the blanket looking hungrily in. ''How about you give me your address and I can come and visit?''
''Wonderful!''
<Jason>
I need help!
suddenly I get a call from Gerry-Helga.
''Hi Jason! guess what! I'm in the car behind you!''
''Help! Kathy's giving our address to a creep!''
''Does she know he's a creep?''
''Yes!''
''Ah, the ketchup guy. No worries. I'm there.'' She hangs up.
<Tabby>
Auntie Kathy is looking for some paper to write it on. The guy hands her a napkin.
''Thank you! OK...''
Suddenly I hear a car door slam and Gerry-Helga runs barefoot, to the space inbetween us and the guy.
''GET OUT OF HERE!'' She screams.
''What?'' Auntie asks.
''JUST DRIVE!'' She starts chanting then slaps the guy, and runs back to her own car.
''Let's go!'' we drive away.