Sitting In My Trackie Bums!

<Gerald(79 year old,ricks uncle)>

''Oh goodness.'' I say.
The girl goes bright red, not suprising poor soul, she let one off. I remember last week on the bus when I let one off. I was in a taxi and it was freezing outside. Stank the whole car out and when the taxi driver opened the window to let the gas out I made him shut it because I was 'cold'.

I was actually very warm but I wanted to watch the faces he made in disgust. Oh I love being old.

<Johnny (18 year old friend of the family)>

''I think you could've waited another year to wear that bra!'' I shout and everybody laughs hysterically, the girl pulling her dress up quickly and running to the bathroom.

* Two minutes later *
I watch as the girl walks back in. Unless she has just got an instant boob job she has just stuffed her bra with toilet roll. Good god.

<Tabitha>
I did the only thing I could think of. Get boobs. And fast. So with a bit of toilet roll I cleverly became a DD.

''Sweety!'' Mum whispers loudly.

''What?''

''We have toilet roll at home!'' She replies.

I look down and see a few squares of paper that are visible. Oh god! I quickly stuff it back in.