Sitting In My Trackie Bums!
Weet bix (Or for English people weet-a-bix)
Friday 6:38am
<Jason>
''Cockadoodledoo!'' Screams Kathy in my ear
''WAKEY WAKEEEY!''Shouts Tabbitha in the other
''Oh piss off you nutters I'm trying to sleep!'' I groan
''Its time for breakfast!'' Tabbitha says pulling me off the couch
<Tabitha>
I helped auntie Kathy smother the deep fried lentils in chocolate (Auntie says we have to watch our weight so we're having lentils instead of jellybeans) and pour the lemonade which was made by Auntie Kathy;two cups of sugar for every quarter of a cup of lemon juice.So I had to kind of scoop it into the cups.
''Yum!''I say digging in
Jason finally gets out of the bathroom and sits down at the table
''What the hell is this muck?''He asks,tipping his cup upside down and watching the sugary paste slowly slide out.
''Yummy breakfast!''Aunty Kathy says finishing off her breakfast and then getting up quickly up and waddling to Jason's side of the table,licking the paste off the table
''Bloody Hell!Here take mine if your so hungry...what is this?''
''Lentils.''I says
''Looks like the contents of the toilet when dads got the runs.''He says
She finishes his breakfast and starts digging into mine
''Hey!''I shout
''Gotta be quick around here!''She says
<Kathy>
I walk over to the cupboard and take out my chocky bar and eat it quickly.
''Big day ahead.''I say
''Why?''Jason asks
Oh dear,not the brightest lad.
He won't eat any of my cooking,he made us go to the shop so he could buy healthy food.
That stuff makes me sick.
Its repulsive.
''Well deary plops,the gang are coming over today!''
<Jason>
'The gang'
More like a pack of sados.
Who would want to be Kathy's friend?
''Their here!''Kathy shouts
Oh god.
Tabbitha is wearing what she thinks is a cool outfit.
A mold colored green jumper with a matching skirt,huge goggles and boots.
She looks like some sort of cowboy alien that was left out of the fridge too long.
Kathy's outfit is just as bad.
A masking tape dress and a red cape.
'The gang' walk in and they look normal.
What a surprise!
Then I realize something,the girl in front is holding a toy dog which she is stroking and talking to,the man smiles,revealing two wonky huge front teeth and the woman at the back quickly fumbles in her pocket,pulls out a glue stick,sniffs with her eyes closed and teeth out like a rabbits and then puts it back in.
The two others I recognize from the wedding,the two fatties fighting over the piece of quiche.
''Kathy!''
''Polly!''
''Derek!''
''Keith!''
''Rita!''
''Gerry-Helga!''
''Gerry-Helga?''I ask
''Or more commonly known as Geraldine-Helga.''Kathy says pointing to the glue sniffer
The freaks all form a circle around Kathy
''Whats the theme?''They chorus
The glue sniffer sounds like shes inhaled helium.I wouldn't be surprised.
''First the song.''She says
''Song?''I ask
Oh no.
She takes in a deep breath and starts singing in a voice that would come first place in a 'Who's singing will make the most people deaf?' Competition.
''Theres me and Polly and Derek and Keith.Theres Rita and Jeeery helllga and then there's taaabbbitha''She goes silent
''Lalala!''Sings Tabbitha awfully
''And Jaaasoooon!''
The whole room goes silent
Everyone stares at me expectantly
''Dun dun dun''I mutter quietly
''And that's theeeee gang for you''
''FOR YOU!''The group shrieks
''Brilliant Kathy!''Exclaims Keith
''Now for the theme!''She says
''THE THEME!''They shout
''The theme''I say,shaking my fist in the air and trying hard not to burst into laughter
''Drum roll please!''She shouts
I am prepared this time,I pretend to trip up so I don't have to join in with the thigh slapping
''WATER MELONS!''she screams
Oh god
<Jason>
''Cockadoodledoo!'' Screams Kathy in my ear
''WAKEY WAKEEEY!''Shouts Tabbitha in the other
''Oh piss off you nutters I'm trying to sleep!'' I groan
''Its time for breakfast!'' Tabbitha says pulling me off the couch
<Tabitha>
I helped auntie Kathy smother the deep fried lentils in chocolate (Auntie says we have to watch our weight so we're having lentils instead of jellybeans) and pour the lemonade which was made by Auntie Kathy;two cups of sugar for every quarter of a cup of lemon juice.So I had to kind of scoop it into the cups.
''Yum!''I say digging in
Jason finally gets out of the bathroom and sits down at the table
''What the hell is this muck?''He asks,tipping his cup upside down and watching the sugary paste slowly slide out.
''Yummy breakfast!''Aunty Kathy says finishing off her breakfast and then getting up quickly up and waddling to Jason's side of the table,licking the paste off the table
''Bloody Hell!Here take mine if your so hungry...what is this?''
''Lentils.''I says
''Looks like the contents of the toilet when dads got the runs.''He says
She finishes his breakfast and starts digging into mine
''Hey!''I shout
''Gotta be quick around here!''She says
<Kathy>
I walk over to the cupboard and take out my chocky bar and eat it quickly.
''Big day ahead.''I say
''Why?''Jason asks
Oh dear,not the brightest lad.
He won't eat any of my cooking,he made us go to the shop so he could buy healthy food.
That stuff makes me sick.
Its repulsive.
''Well deary plops,the gang are coming over today!''
<Jason>
'The gang'
More like a pack of sados.
Who would want to be Kathy's friend?
''Their here!''Kathy shouts
Oh god.
Tabbitha is wearing what she thinks is a cool outfit.
A mold colored green jumper with a matching skirt,huge goggles and boots.
She looks like some sort of cowboy alien that was left out of the fridge too long.
Kathy's outfit is just as bad.
A masking tape dress and a red cape.
'The gang' walk in and they look normal.
What a surprise!
Then I realize something,the girl in front is holding a toy dog which she is stroking and talking to,the man smiles,revealing two wonky huge front teeth and the woman at the back quickly fumbles in her pocket,pulls out a glue stick,sniffs with her eyes closed and teeth out like a rabbits and then puts it back in.
The two others I recognize from the wedding,the two fatties fighting over the piece of quiche.
''Kathy!''
''Polly!''
''Derek!''
''Keith!''
''Rita!''
''Gerry-Helga!''
''Gerry-Helga?''I ask
''Or more commonly known as Geraldine-Helga.''Kathy says pointing to the glue sniffer
The freaks all form a circle around Kathy
''Whats the theme?''They chorus
The glue sniffer sounds like shes inhaled helium.I wouldn't be surprised.
''First the song.''She says
''Song?''I ask
Oh no.
She takes in a deep breath and starts singing in a voice that would come first place in a 'Who's singing will make the most people deaf?' Competition.
''Theres me and Polly and Derek and Keith.Theres Rita and Jeeery helllga and then there's taaabbbitha''She goes silent
''Lalala!''Sings Tabbitha awfully
''And Jaaasoooon!''
The whole room goes silent
Everyone stares at me expectantly
''Dun dun dun''I mutter quietly
''And that's theeeee gang for you''
''FOR YOU!''The group shrieks
''Brilliant Kathy!''Exclaims Keith
''Now for the theme!''She says
''THE THEME!''They shout
''The theme''I say,shaking my fist in the air and trying hard not to burst into laughter
''Drum roll please!''She shouts
I am prepared this time,I pretend to trip up so I don't have to join in with the thigh slapping
''WATER MELONS!''she screams
Oh god
♠ ♠ ♠
by bobanon and yobbo