You're No Good At Lying

Emotions swirled around her, making her head throb and her heart beat faster. Guilt wasn’t something she was used to feeling – Spencer always managed to convince herself that what she was doing was right, and would somehow always turn a bad situation into a good one.

But the next morning, she found it nearly impossible to rationalize her actions from the night before.

Sure, all that had happened was Spencer and Andrew making out on the dance floor, but that was more than enough to leave a bad taste in Spencer’s mouth. A terrible taste – it tasted like shame.

Andrew and Morgan were already awake when Spencer emerged from the back area, chatting mindlessly with a couple other members of the band. Spencer and Andrew made eye contact for a split second, but both looked away instantly.

Finally, Spencer couldn’t take it anymore, and she pushed her way through the boys. The outside air was crisp and clean as compared to inside of the bus. She shoved her hands inside her pockets, turning on her heel towards the bus that was all too familiar to her.

“Spencer, wait!” A voice called, and Spencer froze. She really didn’t want to speak to Andrew right now. In fact, she never wanted to speak to him again. She didn’t blame him for anything – she blamed herself. But seeing his face was enough to make her want to vomit all her guilt up. “You don’t have to tell him,” he begged quietly. “No one else saw, and I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

Spencer shook her head. “I have to tell him, Andrew.”

“No you don’t!” He exclaimed. “What if he’s cheating on you? Do you think he’s going to tell you?” Tears began to prick the inside of Spencer’s eyes. How dare he try to convince her that she was a good person! Spencer didn’t need someone trying to make her feel better about a situation that was clearly a bad one.

“I am not a liar!” Spencer yelled suddenly, spinning around and pushing Andrew back. He was visibly caught off guard, and nearly fell backwards, but he caught himself at the last second. “I don’t care if someone lies to me, but I’ll be damned if I ever lie to anyone! I am not that kind of person!” Her voice changed from an angry shout to close to a screech, and Andrew didn’t say anything back. Taking a step forward, Spencer added quietly, “I’m telling Zack whether you like it or not, but that doesn’t mean you can tell whoever you want.” He just nodded dumbly.

Spencer spun on her heel and swiftly walked over to the All Time Low bus. The door was cracked open, and after taking a deep breath, Spencer walked inside. Jack and Alex were sitting up front, looking at something on Jack’s computer. Their heads snapped up when Spencer entered. “Hey,” Alex said. “You looking for Zack?” She just nodded.

“He’s in the back,” Jack told her. As Spencer took a step, Jack added, “Use protection, if that’s what you’re going to be doing.” Both he and Alex cracked up, but Spencer just felt even sicker.

It felt as though the walk from the front of the bus to the back took hours instead of seconds. Her legs felt like bricks weighted them down. Pulling back Zack’s curtain, Spencer was greeted with the sight of her boyfriend lying shirtless in bed, skimming a book with his reading glasses on. His eyes moved to her, and a soft grin stretched across his face. “Hey, baby,” he greeted.

“Hi,” Spencer muttered, pulling the curtain back a bit further so she could sit on his bed. She made herself comfortable by his feet, pulling her legs up into her chest. Though Zack made a move to pull her on his lap, he stopped short when she looked at him with sad, ashamed eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned gently. Spencer continued to look at his blanket. “You can tell me anything, Spencer, really.” The gentle touch that he bestowed on her elbow sent electric shocks through her arm – usually she found them to be arousing, but now they were just painful.

“I went out last night,” Spencer muttered slowly, beginning to pick at one of the frayed edges of Zack’s blanket.

“To a club?” Zack clarified, and Spencer nodded.

“I made out with another guy,” she told him after a few seconds of silence. Zack didn’t say anything. The lack of conversation terrified her, and when she finally gained the courage to look him in the eye, she was shocked to see he wasn’t angry. He was… something else. “Be mad at me,” Spencer begged, reaching out and laying a hand on his leg that was still covered by his blanket. “Yell at me, curse at me, call me names. Please, Zack, just don’t look at me like that.”

“It’s not your fault,” he finally said. Spencer stared at him incredulously, her jaw slack.

“What do you mean?” She questioned with a hollow laugh. “I wasn’t forced to make out with Andrew! No one made me do it!”

“Yeah, I know. But I’ve been ignoring you, so I guess it’s only a matter of time until you couldn’t wait any longer.” Spencer couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Alright, fine!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “It’s your fault. It’s all your fault. Why were you ignoring me?”

“Shit,” mumbled Zack, scratching at the back of his neck. “I kind of didn’t want to tell you this way…”

“Fuck, Zack,” muttered Spencer, running a hand through her hair. “Just tell me, alright? These past few weeks… they’ve been shit. All Andrew’s been telling me is that you’ve been cheating on me, and that you’re a jerk, and… and –“

“Wait,” interrupted Zack, sitting up immediately. “He said that?”

Her eyes widened, the entire tour flashing before her eyes. “Is it true?” Spencer mumbled. She searched his face for any sign of the truth – but she couldn’t find anything. The fact that Zack’s face was so impossible to read, regardless of what the answer was, terrified her beyond belief.

“No!” Exclaimed Zack, suddenly reaching out and taking Spencer’s hand in his own. “No, no, god no!” She exhaled the breath that she had been holding in. “We’re going on a world tour, and we’re going to be gone for nearly six months. I – I didn’t want you to get your hopes up that you were coming out to live with me in California, because I wasn’t going to actually be there. I was hoping to get the record company to postpone it until later, but they weren't able to. I -- you just seemed so excited, so I didn't know how to tell you that you'd be living alone for a while.” His voice fizzled out towards the end, and Spencer just stared at him. Finally, after finding that she had nothing to say, Spencer lunged forward, hugging him against the bed and planting kisses all around his face.

“What’re you doing?” She heard him ask with a chuckle, and though it seemed as though he was protesting, his arms tightened around her waist.

“Shut up,” Spencer whispered, finally reaching his lips. “Just shut up and go with it.”

------------

“Whoa,” Zack murmured, pulling Spencer in closer to him. Spencer tugged on the sheets, covering up her chest and resting her head on Zack’s chest.

“Yeah,” she replied, gently tracing the outlines of his tattoos. They relaxed in silence for few minutes, enjoying nothing more than the sound of each other’s breathing. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you,” she finally said, catching both her and Zack off guard. Spencer didn’t even realize she was apologizing until the words were coming out of her mouth. Neither did Zack.

“It’s okay,” he assured her. Spencer sighed with contentment. “So, do you still want to come out to California? I mean, I know I won’t be there, but you can still live in my apartment. And I’ll introduce you to all my friends, so you won’t be completely alone.”

Spencer smiled, more than ready to give him her answer. But just as she opened her mouth, her cell phone rang. With a smile, but a roll of her eyes, Spencer reached over Zack and began groping around her back. “Sorry,” she muttered, checking to see whom it was. She considered ignoring it, but that fact that Morgan’s name appeared on her screen told her otherwise. Flipping her phone open, Spencer was greeted with something she never wanted to hear. Without saying a word, Spencer shut her phone.

“What’s Morgan up to?” Questioned Zack, running a hand down Spencer’s back.

“Our mom,” Spencer began, and it became difficult to find the next words. “She – she had a stroke.”