Panic Over; Party Off, Party On

“So what did you do at Zack’s last night?” Jack asked as he, Rian, Kara, Lisa, Alex and I sat in the cafeteria the next day eating our lunches. I was wearing the same jeans I had worn yesterday, but I had opted to wear Zack’s t-shirt and sweatshirt, while my musty shirt lay limp in my bag. In a way, I felt as though it was some kind of walk of shame – as if everyone in school could tell I was wearing a boy’s clothes, though I knew the only people who actually could piece the information together were the ones I was sitting with right now.

I shrugged slightly, taking a sip from my chocolate milk carton I had bought from the cafeteria. “We hung out, ate food. I spent the night there because of the weather.” Lisa and Kara exchanged a round of giggles, and I tried to suppress the blush that was creeping on to my cheeks by rolling my eyes. I pushed the half empty carton away from my slightly, thinking of a quick way to change the topic of discussion. “So is there band practice after school?” I knew that there was already, Zack had invited me to go this morning, but I was hoping this would change the topic of conversation.

“You know it.” Alex replied, putting an arm around Lisa’s waste.

“Oh!” Jack exclaimed out of nowhere. “Alex, tell everyone our idea!” Before Alex could even open his mouth, though, Jack spit out the concept. “We want to go camping!”

“Hey!” Alex whined. “I thought I was going to get to share the idea!”

Jack shrugged. “Sorry, man. You snooze, you loose.”

“Camping?” Kara clarified. “Like, are we talking camping in Jack’s backyard and then going into his house when it gets cold, or like… camping in the woods?”

“No way, Kara. We’re not pussies, we’re going camping in the woods.” Jack over-enthusiastically responded.

“Gross.” I heard Lisa say, cringing slightly.

“It’s not that bad.” I responded kindly. “I used to go all the time with my friends.”

“Do you have any tents or… other camping stuff?” Rian asked, and I nodded.

“Yeah, I have two tents.” I couldn’t remember if my mom threw out our portable camping cooker or not, but I didn’t want to bring it up, just in case Alex and Jack took that as an opportunity to consider living in the forest forever.

“Perfect!” Jack exclaimed. “I have a tent somewhere, too!”

“I think I have an old tent in my basement.” Rian said softly, mostly to Kara, whose face seemed to light up at the prospect of sleeping in a tent alone with Rian.

“This is working out so much better than I ever thought it would.” Jack said, his eyes scanning the cafeteria; for what, though, I wasn’t sure. “So next Saturday, then?”

“Why not tomorrow?” Kara asked suddenly. I guess anyone could be bribed into doing anything so long as it involved a tent in the woods and no parents around.

“Wow, that just put a lot of pressure on me to find a girl to go with.” Jack joked, continuing to look around. “Besides, Remy still has to ask Zack.” I looked up quickly, finally realizing that Zack, who didn’t attend our daily lunches on account of he didn’t actually go to our school, wouldn’t just show up at band practice knowing about our plans next weekend. Someone was going to have to invite him along, and I guessed that by a unanimous vote that that someone was me. I considered a number of different options, wondering if the best way to get him excited was to stress that he’d be sleeping in a tent with me alone (too slutty?), or that he’d be with his friends and without parents (too platonic?). Why wasn’t there a guidebook to this kind of thing? Why did this have to be so fucking difficult?

“Yeah.” I finally responded, taking another swig of my chocolate milk. “I’ll ask him at band practice.” I paused, watching as Jack continued to look around for prospective girls to invite. “Anyone in mind?” I asked him, and he shook his head.

“Not yet. You’d think girls would be lining up to spend a night alone in a tent with this,” he ran a hand down his chest and stomach, which caused everyone to laugh, “but they’re not.”

“And with good reason.” I heard Lisa mutter under her breath, to which Alex nodded in agreement.

“I hate you all!” Jack whined. “It sucks being the only single one!”

And that got me thinking: what were Zack and I, exactly?

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“Do you know where the tents are?” I asked Eric on the way back home from school that day. He had grumbled and groaned when I told him I was driving, on account of I was merely going to drop him off before heading to band practice, but here we were: me in the driver’s seat, and Eric in the passenger’s seat.

“The tents?” Eric repeated, and I nodded. “Uh… In the basement, I think. Along with the electric cooker.” So we hadn’t thrown it out after all. “Why?”

“My friends want to go camping, so I offered to bring our tents.” I replied as nonchalantly as I could, as if camping with my new American friends and the one guy with the relationship I had, yet could not name, was something I did everyday. In my old town, camping wasn’t some excuse to get away from our parents and sleep with each other like it was for my new friends. I mean, it was an excuse to be parental free, but we took camping seriously. We didn’t just got for a night, we went for three or four nights. However, I was up for whatever Jack and Alex had in store.

“Right.” Eric muttered, and from the corner of my eye I could see him smirking. I made a quick, sharp left turn, which caught him off guard, yet it didn’t wipe the grin from his face. “And is Zack going to be attending?”

“Maybe.” I replied flatly, not wanting to have this conversation with Eric.

“You know, I’ve slept with Maya, like, four times already.” He said, the pride evident on his face. Maya was the girl Eric had been seeing, and while I was glad that Eric was happy and finally finding his way around Dulaney, I certainly didn’t need to know the details.

“Yet you didn’t take into consideration how little I care?” I teased gently as I pulled into our driveway. I shut the engine off, expecting Eric to open the door and get out of the car, but instead he merely unbuckled his seat belt and turned to face me. He stared at me as though I wasn’t grasping the reason he was telling me this, and he was right: I wasn’t. “Fine.” I said, rolling my eyes. “What’s your point?”

“Look, Remy, the point is you’re seventeen, so why do you act like a senile eighty four year old?” I opened my mouth to protest, but was cut short. “You think things through too much.”

“You don’t know that.” I muttered, looking down at my hands that lay limp in my lap.

Eric laughed, before running a hand through his dark brown hair. “Yes I do Remy. I may not be your twin brother, but as your older brother by only a year, I know when you’re being ridiculous.” He reached down in front of his feet and pulled his bag on to his lap. “So quit being ridiculous.” I watched him open the door and step out before slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Just as he was about to shut the car door, I quickly yelled: “Wait!” He paused, his hand on the door, and though his face was emotionless, his eyes held just a tinge of the I-told-you-so sparkle that Eric was infamous for. “What do you want me to do about it?” I asked.

Eric shrugged. “Kiss him.” He said nonchalantly, and then proceeded to shut the door and walk towards the house.

Kiss him. Easier said than done.

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‘Sorry I’m late.’ I mouthed to Kara and Lisa as I entered Jack’s basement. I suppose I wasn’t too late, though my little off-handed chat with Eric did put me behind schedule. I slumped down on the sofa next to Kara, trying to regain my composure though millions of thoughts were racing through my head, and millions of butterflies through my stomach. I glanced over at Zack, his concentration focused entirely on the instrument in his hands and the four boys played their usual songs.

I didn’t even hear them end until the clapping of Kara and Lisa clued me in, and I immediately started clapping, too. I forced a smile too my face, though, my thoughts, my eyes kept drifting elsewhere. I guess Zack could tell that I wasn’t completely paying attention, because when he sat down next to me he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. While everyone else discussed the song they had just finished playing, I heard Zack’s voice whisper gently in my ear. “You alright?”

I nodded; soothed for the moment, and a genuine smile found it’s way to my mouth. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I replied, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“So.” Jack said, getting up from the couch and standing in front of everyone. “I’ve been thinking about next weekend.” I peeked over at Zack quickly, who seemed to be listening carefully. “And I think I’m going to ask Maya Williams to come with us.”

My mind instantly flipped to the girl Eric was sleeping with, trying to figure out if she was the only Maya in school. I wanted to say something – make something up, doing anything – but the words refused to come out. “You know she has a boyfriend, right Jack?” I heard Rian say suddenly, and I felt as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. He glanced at me quickly, and I breathed a sigh of thanks.

“Wait, seriously?” Jack responded, and I could hear a bit of disappointment in his tone.

“Yeah.” I added quietly. “A senior.”

“A big senior.” Kara remarked, and Rian shot a look that made her sink back into his arms. She had gone just one notch too far.

“Oh.” Jack said softly, sitting back down on the armrest next to Alex. “I didn’t really have a back up…”

“We’ll help you find someone.” Kara promised, trying to make up for her previous comment. From the look in Rian’s eyes, she had succeeded.

“Wait.” Zack finally said, and I clenched my jaw. “What are we even talking about?” His tone was light, and I assumed it was because he was used to being the last one to find out about things like this.

“Camping.” I responded evenly, turning my head to look up at him. “Next Saturday. You’ll be there, right?” I asked, feeling everyone watching me.

“Yeah, definitely.” He responded after a few seconds of silence, and I felt my insides slowly begin to fall back into place. “But why not tomorrow?” I heard Jack groan, covering his face with his hands. We all laughed, and I could feel Zack pulling me an inch closer to his side. “But seriously, it’s going to be freezing. Next week is the middle of November already.”

“Dude.” Alex said, leaning forward. “That’s why we’re bringing girls!”

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“So who’s up for some food?” Jack exclaimed a few minutes later, jumping up from the sofa.

“You know it.” Alex said, and I watched as Rian began rubbing his stomach. Rian and Kara followed him quickly, as did Alex and Lisa. Zack rose from the couch, as well, though I quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back down when I saw Alex disappear upstairs.

“What’s up?” Zack asked, a hint of concern tainting his tone.

“I just… need your help with something.” I replied, my hands in my lap. I felt like I was going to vomit, as Eric’s words replayed in my head over and over again. ‘Just kiss him. Just kiss him. Just kiss him.’

“Oh.” Zack responded, leaning back against the sofa. “What’d you need help with?”

“Um…” I began, wondering if it was better to make something up off the top of my head, or just kiss him now. My stomach tightened at the thought of it. “I… I didn’t really need your help with anything, Zack.” I muttered softly, a strand of red hair falling in front of my face.

“You didn’t?” He wondered, his brow knitting together in confusion.

“Yeah, I just…” Do it, just do it. Don’t freak out now, it’s too late to turn back. I bit my lip quickly and turned towards him, and before my mind could protest I was leaning forward and pressing my lips on his. My eyes were closed, so while I couldn’t see his reaction when our lips first touched, I opened them when I pulled away a few seconds later. I glanced up at him for less than a second, before deciding I didn’t want to look him in the eye, for fear of what he had to say. It was as though Zack wasn’t even in the room, that was how unresponsive he was, until I felt his arms around my waist, pulling me on to his lap. I didn’t resist, instead letting my head fall on his chest with his arms wrapped firmly around my middle. “That was terrifying.” I muttered.

Zack chuckled softly, his fingers toying with the end of my shirt. “Why?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. It just was.” Zack let get of the hem of my shirt, brining one of his hands to my face and gently angling it up to face him. He brought his lips down slowly to mine, and unlike our first kiss, I was truly able to enjoy the feeling of his lips on mine this time around. His lips were soft and warm, and kissing him felt so much better than kissing any guy from Montreal.

When Zack finally broke away, his eyes were shining and he couldn’t hold back the smile on his face. “You don’t have to be scared to kiss me anymore.” He told me, and I believed him, showing him as best I could by putting my arm around his neck and pulling his lips to meet mine.