Panic Over; Party Off, Party On

“Alright, do we have the tents?” Jack asked, as he, Alex, Lisa, Kara, Rian, Zack and I all stood around the open trunk of Jack’s car. I wasn’t sure how he expected all of us to fit our things and ourselves into his car, but he said we’d find a way, and here we were. I mean, granted, Jack had opted to use his parent’s minivan, but I could tell it would be a snug fit. And Jack’s girl still hadn’t shown up, to add to it all. I wasn’t sure whom he invited in the end (I don’t think he told anyone) but I was kind of excited to see.

“I have my two.” I said, tossing the two small bundles into the back of the car. I watched as Rian threw his tent in, and Jack did the same, before crossing off something on a piece of paper.

“Very good, very good.” Jack mused, and Alex rolled his eyes. “Lisa, Kara, where’s the food?”

“Right here.” Lisa said, motioning to a cooler.

“We didn’t know what to bring, so we just brought everything.” Kara added quickly as Rian picked up the red and white cooler and placed it in the trunk. I supposed now wouldn’t be a good time to mention that I once went camping for three days without bringing any food, but I just smiled. So who cares if camping in Maryland wasn’t exactly real camping? At least I’d be with Zack.

“Zack, you brought the booze?”

“Got it right here.” Zack responded calmly, lifting up two six packs of beer.

“That’s it?” Alex whined.

“Dude, we’re only going camping for one night! How much alcohol did you want?” I chuckled slightly, glancing over at Zack and seeing that he was trying not to laugh, either. But when I looked at Alex, I was shot a look that could have killed. I guess beer wasn’t something that Alex took lightly.

“Calm down, all of you.” Jack interrupted, obviously loving the control he had since he was the one who organized our camping trip. “I saw this coming easily, so I brought some booze, too.” He motioned to the back of the trunk, where craftily hidden was more than enough beer and vodka to last for a week, much less a night.

“I don’t drink, Zack.” I whispered to him as I tossed my bag into the trunk of Jack’s car, along with all of the other bags. I had mentally prepared myself for this situation before: just say no. Yet that feeling had been with my old friends, the many friends from Montreal I had known since I was seven; they’d love me even if I refused to have a drink. And while I was sure my new friends would be the same, a small yet domineering part of me had to disagree. I felt Zack’s hand take mine, interlocking our fingers.

“Don’t worry.” He said quietly, his eyes shining confidently. “I won’t drink tonight either.”

I considered nodding and thanking him, but then my mind began to protest. I didn’t want to be the reason for Zack not to drink, even if I didn’t. It was hard to explain what was going through my mind when he promised not to drink, but I didn’t like it. “No.” I stated, catching his hand before he could walk towards the open car. “You can drink, just…” I paused, wondering what would be a fair compromise. “Just, promise you won’t get too wasted?”

Zack grinned and kissed my forehead. “I promise. Now c’mon, we’ve got to get good seats.” I smiled and followed him into to the third row of Jack’s minivan, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Jack!” I heard someone shout, and I assumed it was the girl Jack had invited along. I craned my neck to get a good view of her, but as Jack ran up childishly to embrace her I was unable to see her face.

“I’m so glad you could make it, Maya!” I felt my limbs stiffen, Eric’s face coming into my mind. Eric, and how he was so happy when he said that he and Maya had been ‘together’ (and while I wasn’t sure what ‘together’ meant, exactly, I knew it was important to Eric). I tried telling myself that maybe they had stopped hanging out; after all, I hadn’t spoken to Eric for more than five minutes for the past few days. A lot could have happened then, right? And as the initial shock wore off, I could feel anger boiling in my blood. Eric wouldn’t just sit around and let some guy I was into blatantly cheat on me, so I wasn’t going to do it, either.

“Are you okay?” Zack asked, and I blinked a couple of times.

“Remember how at Jack’s house we were talking about how Jack was trying to find a girl to go camping with?” I didn’t wait for Zack to nod or shake his head; I just glanced out the window at Jack and Maya and continued. “And how she had a boyfriend?”

Zack chuckled. “Yeah, I guess that was kind of a dick move on Jack’s part to invite her, then. But it was an even cheaper move for her to say yes.”

“She’s dating Eric, Zack.” I paused, looking out the window once more.

Zack was silent for a few moments, and I watched carefully as Jack pressed his lips to Maya’s in a lustful exchange of saliva. I could hear Eric yelling in the background, screaming over how much he hated it here and how he wished our parents had let him stay in Montreal. How miserable he was, and how just when things were starting to look up for him it all came crashing down. “What’re you going to do?”

I shrugged, looking down at my hands that were placed in my lap. I knew what I should do, so why was there a part of me pulling me the other way? “I don’t know.” I muttered. “What would you do?” I asked, looking up at Zack.

“I wouldn’t worry about it tonight.” He replied, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. “We’re spending the night together in the woods with our best friends. You don’t have to tell her Eric is your brother, hell, you don’t have to talk to her at all if you don’t want too. You can just hang out with me in our tent.” A small smile appeared on my lips, and the knot that had tied itself in my stomach settled.

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“Remy, can you help me with the tent?” Zack asked, sitting on the ground in frustration. Jack had driven the eight of us to his chosen campground, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that he had found what seemed to be the only relatively dry, snow-free area in Maryland. I nodded, standing up from the middle of the area where I was assembling dry sticks and attempting to light a fire.

“Sure.” I answered, standing up and walking over to where Zack was struggling with the tent. With ease I showed him how to align the poles that made the tent stand up, and drive the stakes into the ground so the tent wouldn’t move at night. I grabbed my sleeping bag and Zack did the same, and we entered the tent and zippered the door closed behind us. It wasn’t as big as I remembered it to be (perhaps because I had never shared it with anyone else) but as I unzipped my sleeping bag and Zack did the same with his, it started to feel cozy.

I could see from one of the small mesh windows Maya and Jack setting up their tent, and every few seconds Maya would lean over to Jack and press her lips against his, causing my smile and overall pleasant attitude to shift. I nearly jumped when I felt Zack’s lips against my neck and his arms around my waist, though I soon relaxed into his embrace. “Relax.” He whispered lowly into my ear, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up in anticipation for later tonight.

“I am relaxed.” I said flatly, the edge to my voice evident. “I’m camping with my friends in the woods. I couldn’t be anymore relaxed.” I unzipped my sleeping back so it was more of a blanket than a bag, nearly ripping off the zipper in the process.

Zack sighed, grabbing my hand and opening the door to the tent. “Maybe some booze wouldn’t be so bad for you.” He said under his breath, and I rolled my eyes.

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“Is the fire almost ready?” Kara asked, the eight of us all gathered around where the fire was supposed to be – if I could get it to start. I didn’t want to look away from the circle of broken branches and dry logs, because I knew that behind me Maya was sitting on Jack’s lap.

“Yeah, almost.” I responded, striking the last match in the matchbook that Alex had given me. I attempted to hold it to a dry twig and hoped it would catch fire, but the flame died the second I tried. Sighing, I stood up and walked towards the tent, opened it, and grabbed from my bag my math notebook and a book of matches from the front pocket. They were the same matches I had used to light a fire with my old friends to make s’mores my last night in Montreal and every other bonfire we had ever had, and while I may have been putting too much sentimental value to it all, it felt odd to hold the booklet in my hands. Slumping back down in the middle of the circle, I ripped out a few pieces of loose-leaf paper and crumpled them up. One lit match, two lit matches, three lit matches, finally four lit matches were tossed into the fire, causing the paper to catch, and a few seconds later a few twigs. The fire wasn’t big, but now that I had gotten it to start I was confident that I could keep it going.

I walked over to where Zack was and sat down next to him, feeling his arm wrap protectively around my waist. “My little pyro.” He whispered in my ear, and I chuckled before elbowing him lightly in the waste.

“So who wants something to drink?” Alex asked, clapping his hands together in excitement. I didn’t even bother waiting for anyone to say yes or no before he was handing out the beer, and suddenly I had a bottle in my hands. I watched from the corner of my eye as Lisa, who was sitting next to Alex, opened her bottle, and how Kara had Rian open hers. Even Maya was getting into it, sharing the bottle of vodka Jack had brought with him.

“I’m going to try some.” I said to Zack confidently, looking at the cap and trying to figure out the best way to open the bottle.

I saw Zack’s brow furrow. “No you’re not.” He responded, our voices only loud enough for us to hear. “You’re not going to drink just to fit in.”

“It’s not to fit in, Zack.” I responded, finally able to push the cap off with my thumb. I took a small swig of the alcohol, feeling it burn the back of my throat and leave a terrible aftertaste. Why I took a second sip, I’ll never know. “It’s because I’ve seventeen years old and I’ve never had a drink before.” I paused. “And because I don’t want to look at that.” My eyes flickered towards Jack and Maya who were making out across the fire. Zack sighed, taking a long sip from his bottle. “I promise I won’t get drunk. Just a buzz.”

I suppose one bottle was all it took for me to get a comfortable buzz, because after I finished my first beer I was in a much happier, lighter mood. Even Zack could tell, and his mood seemed to improve, as well. When seconds were passed around, I declined, as I did when thirds were offered. It took about two and a half drinks for Zack to succumb to the same state that I was in, and by then we couldn’t take our hands off of each other. Neither of us had every been big on making out in front of everyone else (unlike Lisa and Alex, and now Jack and Maya), and I didn’t even realize I was sitting on Zack’s lap, his tongue begging for entry into my mouth, until I heard everyone else cheering and laughing.

I had never felt more alive.

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The fire was out, the sky was dark, and all of us had gone back to our tents. I could hear noises from Jack and Maya’s tent, along with Lisa and Alex’s, and as Zack zipped up the entry to our tent, I nearly attacked him with my lips. The buzz was slowly wearing off, but I wasn’t going to stop just because of that. Soon, my shirt was off, as was Zack’s, and I could feel him toying with the top of my jeans. Finding a bit more courage, I slowly undid Zack’s pants, and he took that as an invitation to undo mine, as well. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Zack asked, finally tearing his mouth away from mine.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I breathed, moving his hand around to the back of my bra so he would take the hint and unclasp it for me.

His fingers toyed with the clasp, yet they didn’t take my bra off. “You’re positive? It’s not just the alcohol?” I knew he was just making sure, and it made me feel more comfortable, yet I just wanted to scream at him that I was positive.

“I’m sure, Zack, I swear.” I replied, brining my mouth to his.

“Okay, okay.” He muttered, his tone rapid and his words flustered. “I don’t have a condom, but I’m going to go and get one.” Zack stood up quickly, exiting the tent. I heard him open Kara and Rian’s tent, I heard him rapidly ask for a condom, Kara ‘awed’ and Rian chuckled, and I heard him thank then numerous times before returning. Meanwhile, my thoughts were spinning rapidly. Was I ready to do this? To have sex for the first time? Everyone always said to ‘wait for the right person’ – whatever the fuck that meant. Zack was the right person, though, I could tell. I felt like I was in my own perfect world when I was around him, that I was untouchable. “Okay, I got one.” He said, sitting back down, and I nodded, leaning towards him and pulled him down so he was lying on top of me. “You want this, right, Rem?” He breathed, and I nodded, running my fingers through his hair.

“I want this. I want you.”

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I breathed in deeply, and exhaled slowly, a pitiful attempt to regain my breath. People said it hurt the first time, but nobody said how much. And trust me, it hurt a lot. Still, after the initial pain, the pleasure took over, and from then on it was smooth and good – pun intended. I felt Zack’s ragged breath slowly even out, his heartbeat was fast and irregular under my head, which lay comfortably on his chest. Zack’s hand was tracing small patterns on my hip, his other interlocked with mine on his stomach. I had always worried that things would be awkward with whoever I slept with for the first time, but the silence wasn’t awkward at all. I didn’t feel far away from Zack, I felt close to him.

“Wow.” I heard him mutter, pulling me in closer to him.

“Yeah.” I said softly. “Wow.”

I felt Zack let go of my hand so he could push away a strand of hair from my eyes that had been matted down by sweat. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked abruptly, and while I knew he was trying to appear confidant, his voice shook ever so slightly towards the end of his question, which made me smile inwardly.

“I thought we were already…” My voice trailed off at the end, and I turned my face up so I could look at him. His eyes, though calm, were alert, and his hair was disheveled (though I assumed mine wasn’t much better).

“Well, yeah, I mean…” His voice trailed off, as well, and he brought a hand up and ran his fingers through his hair. Finding his words and collecting his thoughts, Zack continued. “I just… wanted to make it official, you know?”

I smiled, propping myself up on my elbows. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.” I answered softly, leaning forward and gently kissing his lips. I rolled over on my side, and I felt Zack pull up the sleeping bag and scoot so his stomach was pressed against my back. “You know.” I said, my eyes beginning to close. “We’ve done everything out of order.”

“I don’t understand?” Zack quietly asked, kissing me right behind the ear.

I yawned, before continuing. “I slept in your bed, then I kissed you, then we had sex, then you asked me out.” I could hear Zack laugh softly. “It’s not in the usual order.”

“We’re too unique for that.” He answered, and I smiled. I could live with that answer.