Seeing Doesn't Have To Mean Believing

Claire’s Point Of View

“’Morning, angel.” I faintly heard my daddy whisper before giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. I felt his callused fingertips brush my bangs out of my face and then he left my room, closing the door quietly behind him. Like every morning after he walked out I peeked at my alarm clock, and like every morning it was only 5am. I still had a half an hour to myself before I really had to get out of bed but I could never fall back to sleep! Especially after going to be so early last night, I'm surprised I even slept this long!

Sighing, I looked over at my bedside table to see if I'd left my iPod there. Luckily, I did the night before and wouldn’t have to get up to search my room for it. I was too lazy to do that. As I popped the headphones in my ears I shut my eyes and just picked any random song. It didn’t really matter what I put on, I'd be interrupted in a half an hour or so anyways.

And sure enough, just as my favorite song, Mr. Crowley , came on I felt someone jump right on my bladder.

“Ouff!” I gasped out, my eyes shooting open.

“BEAR!” Zachary called out. He was fully dressed, and smiling wildly at me. Neither boy could say Claire, for some odd reason, so they both just called me Bear. I smiled at him, pausing my iPod and taking my earphones out, setting it off to the side of my bed.

“Bear, up time! Up time, Bear!” Zach urged as he moved so that he was sitting on my stomach. I was glad that he didn’t have a boney butt. He refused to use the toilet while he was at home, so we were forced to keep the diapers on his toosh.

Suddenly I felt something on my toes, my bare feet colder than they were a second ago. I craned my neck to look to the end of my bed and found Nathan, curiously wiggling all of my ten piggies. I laughed, moving my toes in hopes of him getting the hint to stop. I had to be careful not to move too much, though, I didn’t want to hit him in the face!

“N-N-Nat-te, st-t-o-o-p-p!!” I tried to say in between laughs. He immediately stopped and looked down at my Little Mermaid comforter, his chubby cheeks turning pink. My laughing died down and we were quiet for a second or two before Zach piped up again.

“Bear, why you eye funny?” he asked, his voice thoughtful. I looked back up at him again and scrunched my face up. He asks me this at least once every day. I brought my finger to my lips and gave him a ‘Ssshhh’, and then stuck my tongue out at him and lifted my eyebrows to give both boys a silly face. The twins giggled, like I knew they would, and Zach crawled off of me to go get Nate so that way they could roll all over the bed with each other. I rolled my eyes, getting up and stretching.

“And she’s safe again, ladies and gents…” I whispered to myself before walking out into the hall and to the bathroom so I could follow through with my morning routine. Emerging, I made a b-line for the kitchen where I knew my dad was making everyone mini-waffles.

“Hey Princess,” dad said, most likely hearing me enter. He didn’t look up, he was too focused on the toaster, awaiting the POP! I went to our fridge, riddled with pictures and drawings, post-its and my report card, and opened it to look for the syrup. The twins always made a mess, Zach rather liking the mess part, but the sweet taste made it worth cleaning them up!

I retrieved the butter, too, and set the condiments on the table. I was just about to settle into my normal seat when I heard that POP-ing noise that dad was waiting for and then him call the boys. About a second later they both scrambled in, Zach pushing Nate out of the way so that he could be first. I rolled my eyes again.

“Hey! No pushing.” I reminded them before picking Nate up, despite Zachary’s selfish efforts. I helped my little brother into his highchair, buckling him in and sliding the tray. I smiled at him and ruffled his hair, receiving a grin filled with baby teeth, not yet ready to come out. It was Zach’s turn next, and he was patiently holding his arms out for me. He was smiling, too, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his cuteness. Regardless of his sometimes horrid behavior, he could be adorable. Once he was all set I was able to just relax and wait for my breakfast!

“Mademoiselle, Monsieur’s, breakfast is served!” Dad said in his best attempt at a French accent. I ended up giggling because it wasn’t very good, which made the boys laugh too. Dad put the plate full of waffles on the table and then gave us a bow, making me smile. He’s really silly. He went to the cupboards to fetch the boys’ sippi-cups while I broke apart three mini-waffles each for them and putting some syrup in little cups so that they could dunk their food. Once I knew they were content I got myself some yumminess. Daddy liked to have everything organized, so every day had a schedule. Today was Friday, which meant waffle/Gramma Linda/and driving lesson day. That also meant that I hadn’t had the sweet taste of sticky sugar all week! I was definitely savoring it!

“Chocolate milk or juice, Claire?” dad asked, taking me away from thoughts. I didn’t even think and answered with my mouth full.

“Chaaahcaamoonnn” I said, and then covered my mouth, trying not to choke as I laughed and swallowed at the same time. Cue in twin laughter.

“Chocolate milk it is!” Dad announced and brought everyone’s beverages to the table next. He finally got to sit down and enjoy his meal with the rest of us. We sat together, like we do every morning, as Zachary rambles about some pretend adventure while Nathan gives his input on how scary he found said escapade. Dad would get really into it, telling Zach how he’d join them if he could and assuring Nate that all the bad guys wouldn’t stand a chance to him. All I could really do was listen and enjoy.

Half an hour later, though, it was time for me to get dressed, the boys to go to daycare and for dad to get to work! I helped him get the troublesome twosome into their car seats and then got a hug and kiss on the head before they left me to myself. I blasted some music to help pump me up for my day and dance around my room a little. Picking out my clothes wasn’t a problem, and neither was putting them on, it was the hair that I had to worry about.

Every single day I had to remember that my bangs must always cover my left eye. Always, no exceptions. If my hair wasn't in front of my eye then people would see it and then see that there’s something wrong with me! I don’t want there to be anything wrong with me… And even though that I know there is something horribly wrong, I don’t want people to see it.

What if they treat me differently because of it? What if they think I'm some kind of freak? Would I lose all of my friends? I wasn’t going to let that happen though. I've dodged it this far, I can slide by it now!

I brushed my hair before putting it through the tongs of my straightener, making my neck feel warm from its intense heat. I made certain that my bangs fell in front of my left eye, looking like they did every day.

It was normal… I… was normal…

I glanced at the clock and noticed that I really should be leaving. One more hair check and I was good to go. I grabbed my house key and backpack before heading to school. It was only the beginning of the year, early September, so I'm glad that I didn’t need a jacket yet. It felt nice to be able to just walk around in shorts and a t-shirt all day, almost somewhat relaxing in the overly stressful academic life. It really didn’t take much for me to get A’s, but that didn’t mean that I enjoyed spending six hours of my day in a stuffy building. Sure, my friends and I had some fun moments in class, but my favorite times of day were the walk to school, lunch, and then the walk home.

Even in the winter the walk was pleasant. I enjoyed the cold breeze on my face, and usually the wind blowing back my long black locks. I'd always have music in my ears and I liked to enjoy the scenery. It was beautiful all year ‘round, in my opinion, and we luckily lived in the good part of New Jersey, not having to worry much about rapes or murders. Ofcoarse that sort of thing could happen anywhere but it wasn’t common where we resided. That left me pretty safe to walk almost anywhere I pleased, and even though it didn’t please me to go to school, it was a route that I knew by heart.

Soon enough, I was met by the double doors of Belleville High School. I was early enough to be able to stop and talk to Mea and Andy for a minute or two in the main foyer before I had to go to my locker and grab what I needed for the day ahead of me.

“ANDY! Why are you so loud in the mornings?” Mea whined as we marched up the steps to the second floor. Andy, who wasn’t necessarily being loud at all, was trying to explain what was so great about flag football.

“MEA!,” he mocked. “Why do you have to be so cranky in the morning?” he snapped back. Mea gave him the stink eye making me roll my eyes and laugh at the two of them. I swear, one day they were going to fall in love and get married.

“Later guys!” I said before breaking away from them to go to the third floor where my locker and most of my classes were. For a second they looked back at me, both giving me big smiles, before turning back to each other to continue on with their bickering. I laughed again, shuffling through the hallway and attempting not to bump into anybody.

My day started with Spanish class, being a breeze and a half for me, and then had Western Civ. That class was pretty much a joke, not to mention the teacher. The enjoyable classes started up with English and Drama, leaving the dreaded Algebra 2 for lunch time. The only good thing about that class was that it gave me the same lunch block as Mea. Afterwards, at the end of the day I had Physics, my best and most pleasurable class. Not only was I pretty much a science geek, but my I sort of had a crush on my teacher, too.

I was always the first to class and the last to leave. I could safely say that I was one of his favorite students and he was my absolute favorite teacher ever. I sat right in front of his desk where I could daydream about him in between note taking and labs. Whenever one of the class idiots made some sort of ridiculous jokes my teacher, Mr. Rossi would always look at me and wait for a sarcastic remark or my infamous eye roll. I knew very well that this was nothing more than a friendly student teacher relationship, but a girl could dream, couldn’t she?

We were currently working on some workshop that had to do with momentum. There was a track and two little cars that we had to set off and calculate how fast they were going, cause and effect if they hit each other. It was slightly amusing to hear all of the boys cheer whenever their cars crashed but my friend Carla and I were having some technical difficulties. Our cars wouldn’t stay on their track, so we decided it be best to call over Mr. Rossi.

“Yeah. We only have to wait about, you know, two hours!” Carla joked, gesturing towards our teacher who was currently ‘helping’ out another girl and her and her weirdo friends. I scoffed, knowing full well that Rossi would take his sweet time.

“Every day it’s the same,” I sighed, drawing a heart on the back of my hand out of boredom, “Doesn’t matter. He likes me better anyways!” I smirked, not looking up. It was the truth, though. I couldn’t see how anyone could like that girl. All she did was whine and complain.

Carla let out a laugh before taking the car and pushing it forcefully so that it sped down the track, flying off and landing on the floor, and racing away from us. My eyes widened as I watched it whiz past another group and then looked up at Carla with an amused expression. She gave off the I didn’t do it vibe making me giggle and her crack a smile.

“Throwing things, I see.” I heard a familiar voice that made me turn around to see Mr. Rossi looking at us both, amused as well.

“I did not throw it! I simply pushed it… with force!” she replied and then stuck out her tongue before going to get our run-away automobile. I shook my head at her and tucked my hair behind my ears.

“Did you two need he-“ Mr. Rossi began to say, but stopped. I tilted my head and looked at him questioningly. His light eyebrows were furrowed and he looked confused.

“Uh, earth to Mr. Rossi, Mr. Rossi, do you read me?” I asked, laughing a little. He straightened up and looked at my intently.

“Claire… I, I don’t want to alarm you, but. Are you aware that… that there’s a white film over your eye?” he asked me, quietly. I gasped, my heart beginning to thump rapidly. I stepped back and reached up to mess with my bangs so that way they were in my face once again.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I forget?

“I, uh, I… no… I'm…I-i-it’s f-f-fine!” I began to stutter, back up even more until I bumped into the lab table. He reached out for my shoulder, coming closer to me.

“Claire, if something’s wrong, you need to get to the nurse…” Mr. Rossi said quietly again. I was hyperventilating by now. I looked around the room to find no one else paying attention and Carla coming back over. She was smiling but it soon faded when she saw my probably horrified look.

“Claire, what’s wrong?” she asked, almost rushed.

It was getting heard to breathe…

“Carla, you’re going to take Claire to the nurse and tell her to look at her left eye, you understand?” My physics’ teacher said quietly but in an urgent tone. I frantically looked around again, but no one seemed to notice. They would notice when I left the class. They would find out. They’d know that something was wrong with me, that I was different. That I wasn’t like everyone else.

“Uhm, yes sir. C’mon Claire.” Carla replied. She began to tug me along, out of the room and down the hall. Before we left I could see Mr. Rossi on the phone, no doubt calling the nurse for me.

I started to cry. I didn’t want dad or daddy to find out. I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me! All they ever wanted was a normal kid, an average and conventional little girl, and what do they get? ME! They get Claire who has this freakish eye problem that’s inexplicable! Not what they had in my cards.

“Claire, I'm sure it’ll be okay…” Carla kept saying quietly over and over. She was trying to be reassuring. It didn’t work. It wouldn’t. People knew. They found out.

I'm surprised I didn’t collapse in the hallways of Bellville High on our journey to the nurse’s office. And I'm surprised that Carla could manage to pull me. I'm shocked that not one person stopped us. Maybe they thought I was a special person. That made me feel even better. I cried even louder and even harder.

It seemed like hours until we stepped through the doors of Mrs. Tucker’s office, but it must have only been minutes. Due to my lack of vision in one eye, and my other eye running like a faucet of salty water, I couldn’t see a thing. But I could tell we were there when I heard a chair screeched and Mrs. Tucker start to fuss over me.

I immediately squeezed my eyes shut.

I didn’t want her to see. I didn’t want anyone to see!

“Claire, honey, please open your eyes? Please sweetie? I need to see what’s wrong so that I can help you…” she said with a soothing voice. I instantly felt myself start to calm down, but I had to fight it. I couldn’t give in!

The tighter I shut my eyes the more I hoped this was a dream. The more I prayed it was.

“Claire,” she said desperately. I didn’t give though, and sat there wheezing. “Carla, sit with her. I'm going to have to call her parents.” With that my eyes flew open.

My parents? She was going to tell my dads? Why? What on earth would possess her to do such a horrid thing? I opened my mouth to protest but my lack of breathing correctly stopped me. She already had the phone pressed to her ear, waiting for one of them to pick up.

Please let it be dad, please let it be dad, please… I said over and over in my head. He was my best bet at an escape. He wouldn’t be as disappointed by my abnormal issue. He could help me hide it!

“Hello, Mr. Way?”

She called daddy.