Seeing Doesn't Have To Mean Believing

Gerard’s Point Of View

“Hello, Mr. Way?” a slightly familiar voice asked me from the other line. I stretched out, lifting my left arm over my head and closing my eyes, resting my head back.

“Yes, how may I help you?” I asked in a tired tome. All day I had dealt with an up and coming television show that wasn’t quite ready yet. I'd been trying to rush the process, but the guilt of knowing how and animator feels got the better of me and I decided to take the lenient root and give myself the blame from the big boss. I wasn’t even going home for another four and a half hours and now I had another client calling me? I'd have to say it was one of the longest days ever.

“Hello Mr. Way, this is Nurse Tucker from Belleville High School. I'm calling about your daughter Claire…” said an overly pleasant and now recognizable voice on the other end. Immediately I was drawn to attention.

“Claire? What’s wrong with Claire?” I asked, worriedly. I was sat up straight, my eyes wide open. I was staring intently at my baby girl’s latest school picture, almost as if it was the same as me being right there with her.

“Mr. Way, Claire is have some sort of panic attack here in my office. There seems to be something wrong with one of her eyes, but she refuses to let me see. I advise that this situation is looked into immediately, though, which is why I'm calling you.” She said formally. I blinked.

Panic attack? Wrong? What could possibly be wrong with my daughter that she didn’t tell me or Frank about?

“I… I'll be there as soon as possible…” I said, dazed. I was so lost and confused. She’s never have a panic attack before. I have, but I only know how to handle that sort of thing when it comes to myself, not my child!

“I'd like to recommend that the sooner your daughter is looked at by a doctor, the better.” She said, somewhat frantically. I could only now hear the faint sobs of my angel in the background. My heart started to rip as it throbbed, paining me because I couldn’t be there with her, soothing her and making it all better.

I didn’t even know what was wrong!

“Mr. Way?” the nurse broke me from my thoughts, making me jump a little.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Uhm, I'll call my mother-in-law to pick her up. She’s on the list, right?” I was honestly thinking out loud, more talking to myself rather than Miss whatever her name was.

“That’s fine Mr. Way, I'll let Claire know. Would you like to talk to her?” she asked. Any other time I would say yes, of course I'd want to talk to my child, but I was afraid that any sign of weakness would worry Claire and make her more upset than she already was.

“N-no t-thank you-ou. I'll… I'll t-talk to her in a little b-bit…” I struggled, hanging up before she could say anything else. My breathing increased a bit, but I knew I had to control myself so that way I could tell my boss I needed to go home, call Linda and then call Frank before driving all the way home.

Okay, deep breaths, Gerard. I thought to myself while I ran my fingers through my graying hair. One or two profound breaths later I was ready to push myself away from my desk and with some difficulty I stood up. Two more breaths and I was moving out of my office and slightly down the hall. Four rooms down was my boss’s office. Fifteen steps took much longer than they usually do and made me feel like everyone I knew was looking at my puffy, crying eyes and red cheeks. Three knocks on the door and then I turned the knob, suddenly fully in the doorway.

“Ye- What is it Gerard?” my boss asked, sternly. He still wasn’t happy with me. Why did I have to take responsibility for that stupid show? Why today, at least? He was never going to let my go home, he was never going to let me leave work now!

“I… I h-have to-to go-o h-hom-me…” I stuttered, desperately gazing at him. His face immediately softened, and he got up, coming over to me.

“Gerard, is everything okay?” he asked me, reaching out to put his hand on my shoulder. I flinched away, stepping halfway behind his door.

“M-my d-d-daughter-r is…is… th-there’s something w-wrong!” I cried out, bursting into tears and totally failing at my plan to keep calm.

“Oh, Oh Gerard of course you can go home. Do you need me to call a cab? You can’t drive home like this…” He offered, attempting to reach out, but is unsuccessful yet again.

“I… I…”

I thought about it. If I drove home as the mess that I was, there was a high chance of an accident and if I were to get in an accident that would cause more grief for my family and I'd never get to see my Claire and help her in her time of need! But if I agree to take this taxi then there would be a pretty costly bill to pay and I certainly didn’t have the money for that! I did, but not if I was about to pay for a hospital bill for my daughter, I didn’t!

“Don’t worry about it, Gerard, the company will pay for it. I'll have one ready in about five minutes, sound good? Now, go get your suit-coat and meet me in the lobby, okay?” he said, kindly. There was nothing that I could do but to nod my head in agreement. I started turning around to go back to my office but then realized.

“I need to call my husband!” I almost shouted. I was aware that several heads shot up to look at me, and my boss was definitely alarmed.

“Oh… Okay. You go call him, and I'll meet you in the lobby, okay?” He said, slowly and carefully.

He was babying me. He was talking down to me. He was doing exactly what other people do when I get this way. And I deserved it.

I made it back to my office quickly, so far winning against my ever persistent tears. If I was going to cry and look like a blubbering idiot at work, then I would do so in the privacy of my own office space. I shakily opened the door that I didn’t remember shutting and then shoved into the room. Everything was deceivingly calm and quiet. It wouldn’t be for long.

My hand scrambled across my desk, searching for my phone. Usually my mostly ‘business’ Blackberry laid on top of my finished work papers and texts from Frank kept me sane during the day. Now it would be my outsource, as it was supposed to be. I blinked a few times and then started to work on my breathing while I looked through my contacts.

Frank, Fraaank… Frank, Frank, Frank…. Fr-FRANK!

I found him, and then clicked the green button and anxiously awaited to hear the ring on the other end. I paced, back and forth, my breathing hitching up again but I didn’t care. All I was concerned with was Frank answering the phone so I could tell him about our child, and then hopefully get some sort of driving arrangement worked out. My poor baby was probably sitting in that horrid nurse’s office, scared and alo-

“Hey baby, this is a pleasant surprise!” Frank’s wonderful voice chirped. I squeezed my eyes shut, and counted to three, hoping everything that was bad would go away. When I opened them, though, I was still in my office and I was still calling my husband to tell him that our baby girl was in some sort of… trouble…

“Gee, you still there?” Frank asked, a little less care free.

“I… You… Frank, c-can you c-call y-your m-m-mom-m?” I asked, starting to feel my body give into my anxiety again.

“Hun, what’s wrong? What happened” he asked, nervously.

“Cl-Claire n-neeeds to b-be p-p-picked up-p from-m schooool…” I cried out, needing to lean on my desk for support.

“Claire, what’s wrong with Claire? Gerard, What’s going on?” Frank asked.

“I… I d-don’t-t know-w Frankie-e!” I wept. I could feel my heart almost break through my rib cage. My chest was barely keeping time with one of my most important organs and it irritated me immensely. My eyes were like their very own water park, and my body felt somewhat gross and clammy.

“Oh… Okay, listen honey, I'll have my mom pick her up and bring her home, okay? Are you fine with getting home? Do you need me to come and get you?” he asked, trying to calm the both of us down.

“N-no…” I said quietly.

“Alright, I'll see you at home, okay? I love you, Gerard, I'm sure everything is fine. It’s probably fine…” Frank said in an assuring tone, and I knew that he was trying to tell himself that just as much as me.

“I-I l-l-love you, t-too-oo…” I whispered.

“I know, honey. I'll see you soon, okay? It’ll be fine…” he said one more time before hanging up.

I breathed again and brought my phone to my face, it shaking almost uncontrollably in my hand. I hung up and then looked around.

God, I hope it would all be fine….I thought, while slowly sliding down to sit on the rug, crying.