Love Makes Blind

[Paul's Point of View]
[Listen to this song]

The day started like any other day. Elia and I got out of bed and got dressed before we walked downstairs for breakfast. The first thing we noticed was different was that Mirella didn’t stand with the stove and made food. The kitchen looked untouched. I furrowed my brows but I just thought Mirella wanted to sleep in. Elia on the other hand knew her mother better. She told me she would just go up and see if everything was okay. I nodded and started to make some food; egg and bacon.

“Darin! Paul!” Elia screamed from upstairs.
I turned the gas off before rushing upstairs. Darin and Leah was already there. Mirella laid unmoving her bedroom floor, she was unconscious.
“What’s wrong?” I asked and rushed over to Elia. She stood unmoving without saying anything in the middle of the room.
“I don’t know.” Darin said calmly. “Leah, take Elia to the phone, she have to call an ambulance; she know the address.”
Leah took Elia by her elbow and led her out of the room.

“She has pulse.” Darin told me. “Mom.” he said and shook her shoulder. “Mom, you have to wake up!”
“We shouldn’t move her, in case she hurt her spine when she fell.” I said and knelt beside Darin.
“Mirella.” I tried and took her hand.
“Why won’t she wake up?” Darin asked in a desperate voice. “Mom!”

Suddenly Mirella started to cough. I supported her back with my hand so she could sit up. She covered her mouth with her hand, but when she removed her hand it was covered in blood. She looked at it with tired eyes before she closed them again.
“I’m so sorry.” She croaked. “So very sorry.”

^^^

Everything was so rushed once the ambulance got to the house. It was one man and one woman and they talked with Darin in rushed Italian. I only stood by and watched. Darin rode with Mirella in the ambulance, Leah and Elia and I drove after in Mirella’s car.

It worried me that Elia hadn’t said anything. She was worried about her mother, of course, no one knew what was wrong with her. Leah asked me what had happened after she and Elia left the room, I gave her a look indicating that I didn’t want to say it with Elia here.
“She kept saying she was sorry.” I told her.
“It can’t be her fault. Maybe she just has the flu or something.” Leah said, obviously trying to reassure Elia.
You don’t cough blood when you have the flu.

We had lost the ambulance, but we followed the street signs and got to the hospital in Torpea. We got out of the car and I took Elia’s hand in mine and Leah walked close to my side.
“Can you tell me where Mirella Agostino is? She just got in with an ambulance.” Leah asked in the reception.
The elderly nurse looked at us quizzically. Elia sighed and asked again in Italian. She was given the direction and led the way.

We saw Darin first he sat in a empty hallway at a bench with his head in his hands. Leah sat next to him.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“She is in the room,” Darin pointed over his shoulder to the closest door. “She’s talking to the doctor.” His voice sounded dead.
“Why aren’t they doing any tests?” Leah asked and rubbed his back.
Darin looked up at me first then at Elia, she stared at him with an empty look.
“Because she knows what’s wrong with her. She told us in the ambulance.”
“And?” I was getting more worried as the seconds went by.

I was used to see Darin strong. He was Elia’s father figure and he seemed to manage to keep calm in any situation; but tears were running from his eyes as he spoke.
“She has acute leukemia, she has known since before we moved to La Push.”
Elia drew in a sharp breath and I wrapped my arm around her quickly. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it when the door opened. A man with a white coat came out.

He looked at Darin and asked something in Italian.
“English, please.” I said and looked at the doctor.
He nodded to me. “Of course.” Then he cleared his throat. “Mrs. Agostino has leukemia, and it has spread to her spinal cord.”
“When will you start the treatment? Chemotherapy, right?” Elia finally asked. Her voice was desperate.
The doctor got that look on his face that all doctors got when they had bad news. “I’m afraid that it can’t be cured at this stage. All we can do for her is to ease her pain.”

“But you have to do something!” Elia almost yelled at the doctor. “You can’t just let her die!”
“I’m sorry.” was all he said?
I managed to ask the question that neither of us wanted to ask. “How long does she have left?”
He sighed. “I would say a week at tops.”

“Oh god.” Leah said and started crying.
Darin just sat there with silent tears streaming from his eyes. I was numb. Elia turned pale and was silent as well.
“Why?” Elia suddenly; it was a question she didn’t expect an answer on. “Why did we first have to lose out father to cancer and now our mother? Doesn’t that fucking cancer have someone else to ruin?”
“You can go in and see her if you want.” The doctor said. “I’m sorry, but I have some other patients I have to check, I’ll be back later.”
Darin rose from his chair and took Elia’s hand before walking into the room. Leah and I followed after.

Mirella lay in a hospital bed. Now that I knew something was wrong with her I could see how fragile she was, how gray her skin looked, how much thinner she had gotten since the first time I saw her. Her eyes were closed and she had an oxygen-mask over her nose and mouth.
“Why didn’t you say anything to us, mom?” Elia asked and stood beside her bed. She took her hand automatically when she opened her eyes.

Mirella lifted her hand and pulled the mask down.
“I can tell you the whole story.” She said before she breathed in the mask again. “I started noticing bruises on my skin that I didn’t know how I got and as I kept noticing more symptoms I took a blood sample of myself and when I got the result I talked with a colleague who confirmed my greatest fear.” She had to take another breath in the mask.

Mirella told us about how she had lied to that colleague and said that she was moving to Seattle to get better help. Before they had moved she had written as many prescriptions for morphine she could without it look suspicious. That helped her hide all the warning signs from her Elia and Darin.

She applied to the job in La push so they wouldn’t ask questions on why they were moving so quickly. And when she had gotten too sick to work she had written more prescriptions for morphine before she quit. She said she wanted to move back to Italy, which was true, she wanted to be buried next to her husband and she wanted to die where she belonged and felt at home.

“Why couldn’t you just have told us?” Elia asked again when Mirella was done. “We could have used the money for my surgery for your therapy.”
“Exactly,” Mirella said and looked at her daughter with eyes that begged her to understand. I couldn’t comprehend how Elia managed not to cry. She didn’t show any emotion.

“I wouldn’t have been a good mother if I had taken the money meant for you to treat myself. I couldn’t let the exact same thing happen that had happened with your father. I’m not that selfish.”
A flicker of anger flashed over Elia’s face. “The hell you could mom! I would gladly give you all the money and more! Do you think you are a good mother with leaving me and Darin parent-less? You are selfish!”

“Elia!” Darin raised his voice at her.
“What? I’m only saying the truth.” She said and a cold look replaced everything in her eyes.
Mirella closed her eyes again and removed the mask. “Please don’t fight.”
Elia glanced at her. “I can’t be here.” She said and turned to the door and walked into the hallway.

I followed her. “Elia, where are you going?”
“I can’t stay here and listen to her bullshit.” She said and kept walking the way we had come.
“Okay, I’ll drive you back.” I said and took the keys from my pocket.
“No, stay. I’ll take a cab or the bus or something.”
“Elia.”
“Paul, I need some time to think. Alone. Please.” She turned and looked at me.

Her emotionless face frightened me, but I stopped and she turned back around and almost ran out of the hospital.