I'm Not Crazy, Really

The pain at first was unbearable. I could feel the ripping inside of me, and it hurt so bad. I screamed in agony. He took pleasure in my pain and went faster and faster.

He pushed his lips on mine and forced them open with his tongue. I tried to kick him off of me, but he just pushed more weight on me. I knew he was too big for me to push him off. After a few more seconds of his tongue searching my mouth, I acted upon instinct and but his tongue as hard as I could.

He screamed and jumped off of me, cursing wildly. He covered his mouth with his hand and then looked at it. Blood was streaming from his lips and his hand was covered in blood

Taking my chance, I grabbed one of his over-sized T-shirts and dashed towards the door. He grabbed my arm as I ran past him, but the slippery blood all over his hand made his grip easy to escape. I yanked my arm away from him and sprinted out of his bedroom, out of the house, and onto the streets faster than I thought possible.

I heard him slam the door, I looked back and he was walking towards me, fuming. He turned and went towards the driveway. He opened the car door and started driving towards me. I took a shortcut and ran through an alleyway too small for a car to fit through. I heard him curse and the car drove away.

I thought I was safe so I took a short break to catch some air. I threw on the shirt I grabbed so I wouldn’t be so naked and it almost went down to my knees. I inspected my body for any cuts, bruises, abrasions or things of that sort.

In just the places I could see, I found several bruises from my whippings, and I felt one on my face from where he slapped me. I had suck marks all over me and several scratches from me struggling to escape. My chest felt tender where his hands had grappled me and my legs and arms were sore.

But the worst pain, other than the searing agony between my legs from losing my virginity, was the emotional pain I felt. I couldn’t believe it was real. I never thought something like this would happen to me, and now that it did, I would never forget it and the traumatic emotional scarring would remain with me for the rest of my life. I felt like everything was over, and maybe I deserved this punishment for being such a horrible person. I broke down sobbing and slid down the alleyway wall, my wobbly knees too weak to support me.

I stared straight ahead, trying to blink away the tears that threatened to spill, but they came back too fast and my vision blurred. The stream of tears overflowed and spilled down my face. But I didn’t care anymore. I wanted it to be over. I wanted the pin to be gone. I wanted to die.

I leaned to my side and sank to the ground. I rested my head on my arm and sobbed. I was shaking so hard and it hurt to breathe. My lungs ached with a burning pain in each breath I took.

It was getting colder, and the breeze of the night gave my bare legs and arms goose bumps. I stretched the shirt out to cover most of what remained uncovered on my legs and tucked my arms inside the shirt sleeves and crossed them close to my chest. I curled up in a ball and closed my eyes.

I was afraid to sleep, and with every little sound, I jerked my head up and opened my eyes only to discover it was nothing and close my eyes again.

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard a twig snap. My eyes snapped open in alarm. As my eyes were adjusting to the darkness that shrouded the alleyway, I saw a figure emerge from the shadows. I could only make out the silhouette at first, but as it got closer and closer, I could make out the face. It was my father.

I jumped up, my senses alert and all my drowsiness gone. He stalked towards me and I backed up. For every movement he made towards me, I walked the same amount away from him. After a few minutes of this, he stopped and stood there, glaring at me. He leaned forward slightly, like he was about to attack, and I prepared to defend myself.

He jumped at me and I moved away, just in time. He landed on the ground and stood up quickly. He whirled around and lunged for me again. I tried to step away a moment too late and I lost my footing and fell to the ground.

He sprang on top of me and I rolled out form under him and stood up. I tried to get away, but he grabbed my ankle and I fell, hitting my head on the brick walls as I went down. It was a throbbing pain, but everything was going numb.

I felt him rip his shirt off of me and force himself on me. I weakly shoved at him, but I had no strength left in me. I was slowly becoming less aware of my surroundings. My eyelids fluttered and I fought to keep them open. I could hear him panting and moaning, but it all sounded so far away. My vision was starting to black out. The last thing I remember was hearing him gasp as his eyes rolled to the back of his head in pleasure. Then my eyes won and I lost all of my senses. Everything went dark, silent and numb as I drifted off into a deep state of unconsciousness.