11:11 Isn't all it's Cracked Up to Be

Adelaide was pretty much your normal teenager and had too many things going on in her life, but she liked being busy. Being busy meant she didn’t have as much time to think about the boy she was desperately in love with because that merely pissed her off.

He was unreliable and made her bitter most of the time, but she couldn’t help liking him. He wouldn’t come when he said he would, he always seemed annoyed when they were texting, but then she would hang out with him and everything that pissed her off just went away. He was perfect then.

Perfection was definitely not something associated with him though, and Adelaide knew that. She knew that very well, which is why she wanted to save him. Christopher Lessinger thought he had to do it all on his own.

“Why does he think he needs to change himself before he can like me?” she wondered, as she had countless times before, of her friend Ashley.

Ashley only rolled her eyes, making sure Adelaide didn’t see, because she was fed up with this question. “Because Addy, he’s an idiot. What else is there to say? I don’t know why you continue to do this to yourself because it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to. Then you’ll just end up more upset than you are now.”

“Why are you convinced it’s not going to work out? I don’t think you’re really being fair because you don’t like him. I know you don’t like him so you can’t deny it.”

“I wasn’t about to deny it. You know I don’t like him, none of us do. With the rate things are going, nothing is going to happen between the two of you because he’s a jerk. What more do you want?”

“I want one of you to tell me what the hell to do about this instead of give me every single excuse as to why I shouldn’t try to be happy with him! I don’t see why you guys can’t just do that for me.”

You see, Christopher was into some bad things. Addy was not cool with drugs at all, but she wanted to help him. He didn’t like doing it and he told her he wanted to stop but it was hard. That is why she wanted to help. They had been friends long before he did drugs so she wasn’t about to stop liking him for it, but her friends did not understand that. They heard about the drugs and decided he was no good. End of story.

“Well you’re not going to get that from us, sorry. We cannot give you advice of how to get a guy we don’t approve of; it’s just not going to happen. We want to protect you and obviously that would not be protecting you.”

At this point in the conversation, Adelaide would walk away because she was fed up. This is why everyone thought she was rude. It was not her fault that she was in love with a guy that no one liked though so she was not sure what to do about it.

She did know, however, that she was tired of waiting for him and she was going to change that. She needed to change that so she asked him to hang out.

They went to the local coffee shop. Her excuse? As simple as ‘I need to talk to you about something so can we go somewhere tonight?’ And he agreed so there they were. She was never very good at conversation, but she knew what she needed to say on that particular day.

“If I ask you something, will you promise to answer honestly and save the excuses?” she asked of him, looking straight in his eyes.

“Yeah sure,” was his answer. Short and to the point, like most of his words.

“I was wondering if there’s a chance that we’ll be anything besides friends. If not, that’s cool, but I kind of just want to know.”

He stared at her for an unnerving amount of time. She grew unsettled and had to look away from him. The dejection was starting to show on her face and she did not want him to see it, didn’t want to be feeling it at all.

Finally, he sighed, and it sounded just as dejected as she felt. “I want to say yes. I want to be able to like you and start something between us, but I don’t know if I can. I’m too buried in this shit and I don’t want to get you involved.”

“That’s the thing though, I’m in it already. You don’t understand that every time you blow me off or tell me how fucked up you are, it brings me further into it. And I’m going to stay in it, whether we’re together or not.”

“But I don’t like myself. How the hell am I supposed to expect you to like me if I don’t? It’s not fair to you.”

“Christopher, you really don’t get it. You can’t do this alone and you’re going to continue to be this messed up kid you don’t like if you don’t have anyone to help you. I want to help you, I want to make you see that you can be loved and you can like yourself. I don’t think I can do that as just a friend because you push me away. If you keep pushing me away I’m just going to come back.”

“Addy, I want to say I can do it, I really do, but I’m just not sure. Are you really willing to be there through all the shit?”

“Dude, have you not noticed I’ve been trying to be since the beginning? You just haven’t let me so I sound like an annoying bitch most of the time.”

“But you don’t. I just don’t want to get you mixed up in it. That’s really not fair to ask you to do at all and it would be so selfish.”

That’s when she got mad. She had been telling him over and over again that she was going to be mixed up in it regardless of their relationship, but he did not seem to be grasping the concept. Adelaide was never known for her patience.

“Seriously Christopher? You want me out of your life, tell me. I will leave and you’ll never hear from me again, okay? But if you want me here, you’re going to have to realize that I’m going to be a part of this whether you want me in it or not. I’m your friend so I will be in this. If I’m more than your friend, I will still be in this. What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that if you’re more than a friend, I will have to live up to that. You’re going to expect me to buy you things and always call when I say I will and take you out all the time. I can’t do that and it wouldn’t be fair to you!”

“Really Christopher, I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you think I need you to buy me stuff all the time in order to have a relationship or the fact that you are that lacking in self confidence that you would use buying me things as an excuse. In the time that you’ve known me, have I ever been the type of girl to need presents to make me happy? When someone doesn’t call me when I’m supposed to get a call, do I freak out?”

“Well, no, you’re pretty chill about things, but being in a relationship changes things. I don’t want to disappoint you.” He looked pathetically lost and confused.

“I swear to God, if you don’t kiss me right now, I think I’m going to have to go push you in front of a moving bus.” Normally, she would never, under any circumstance, say something like that, especially in all seriousness. What else was she supposed to do though? Adelaide was getting nowhere and she desperately needed his answer. Since it was clear he didn’t want to say no, she decided she would just help him say yes.

He stared at her strangely for a while, but finally pulled her in for a kiss that began a relationship that is still being defined. Still new and unsure. They were progressing and still, they are making the relationship work symbiotically. She needed him to give her life meaning and he needed her to save his life.