Passing Looks and Disappointed Faces

[Gee's P.O.V.]

Had I known that this was our fate, that this is what would happen, perhaps I wouldn't have kissed him. If I had known that this was to be what we would end as, two broken souls embraced on a bed, searching for something, perhaps I wouldn't have touched his skin, pressed his lips against mine. But the damage was done and now we were both completely shattered, our fragmented minds intermingling. Perhaps I wouldn't have done it but perhaps I would have given in either way. If I had known what would happen, I would have known the taste the lips as well. I would have known the feel of his skin beneath my shaking hand. And the memory, the ghost of his tender flesh spurred me on, filling my heart with something unidentifiable.

It was bliss; that was the only way I could describe it. Holding his body against mine, feeling his breath on my face, his jade green eyes glittering before me was bliss. And would I, in such need of it, give up an opportunity to feel bliss? Sadly, even if it would destroy him, I couldn't let him go. It's like keeping a bird in a cage. But oh! Does that thought destroy me! Destroying him would be destroying me in such a torturous manner! It would mean slicing a dozen wounds upon my body, beginning to burn me alive, beating out the flames, tarring and feathering me and hanging me in water. Yes, I believe that sums it up.

Still, despite the thoughts of torture to my own body, I kept remembering his eyes, full of fear and shame when I found him in the kitchen. I had been groggy, my mind still disoriented by sleep. But I could see what he had done; I knew what he had been about to do by the glinting I could see out of the corner of my eyes. It was a knife, a goddamned knife. And I broke down right then and there, holding him tight to me through the fear that letting him go would commit the dastardly deed he had been contemplating. Killing himself would have been worse than his killing that man. It was a sin far greater than anything else; a sin I now condemned greatly.

And it hurt to see him about to commit that which I loathed. Then again, I had a reason to loathe suicide with such a passion. I hadn't loathed it before, honestly. In fact, I had embraced it in the past, savoring the sweet taste of death. Not anymore; I can't anymore. I committed a mistake of the highest degree, temporarily caused the destruction of my sweet family. I couldn't continue my life with the love of this. And so when I realized what he was going to do if I didn't appear on the scene, it transported me to the past.

Oh my horrible past! I don't mean to swoon, to make my life appear worse or more dramatic than it really is, but the exclamation is necessary in my eyes. The thoughts, the events, actions, the countless sleepless nights flashed before my eyes, blinding me. I didn't want him to suffer through the same fate; I didn't want him to feel what I had felt. I embraced him, hoping that somehow one embrace would suffice. Of course it couldn't but it was an irrational hope that filled me, that pushed me to try to fix him. No amount of tape could fix him but perhaps a paste would. I'm not certain of my own thoughts, to be quite sincere.

And all these contemplations, all these thoughts running through my head occurred to me as I awoke again, his body close to mine and my arm draped over his side. I opened my eyes, seeing his sweet sleeping face near mine and I smiled, my heart thudding faster in my chest. He was the picture of innocence and vulnerability, a true angel despite the ring glittering on his lip. I didn't want to destroy this, to wake this marvelous human from his sleep. And so I remained as still as possible, barely daring to breathe for fear he would awake. His chest rose up and down softly beneath my shirt, his lips parted. I couldn't pull away, couldn't bring myself to remove my arm from his side. He barely moved, his breathing shallow and relaxed.

After what seemed an eternity, he stirred, his nose wrinkling slightly, his mouth closing completely. I held my breath, letting my eyes close slightly. He stirred again, moving so he rested on his front, bringing his arms beneath the pillow. I couldn't help the smile from spreading across my lips. His eyelids fluttered now and I could see the brilliant green of his eyes. His lips curved into a soft smile, his eyes closing again. I let the smile drop from my face though I had to fight the intense desire to grin. His lids fluttered again and he opened his eyes fully, looking directly into mine. I swallowed hard, not daring to close my eyes against his direct gaze.

"Hello Gerard," he muttered softly, his voice hoarse and raspy. I smiled, opening my eyes fully. I was definitely awake now, no question about it.

"Hello Frank."

"Had a good night's sleep?" I laughed, though it was tinged with some sorrow.

"Sure I did. What about you?" My voice had a slight edge of concern and I cringed, afraid of the onslaught of emotions.

"It was fine. You're warm." He was more awake now, smirking like the boy I met. It sure felt nice to see him smirk in that manner, the same smirk he had sent me here various times before he ran out after...the incident. I could feel heat rising to my cheeks now as I thought back on the event, embarrassed as I still was by it. But I didn't focus much open it, my gaze trailing down from his face, feasting upon the tinges of color on his throat. It made my lungs cease breathing, my heart stop pounding, if only temporarily.

It was worse now, chillingly worse. There were bruises, hand-shaped yellow-green bruises marring his delicate saccharine skin. That beautiful porcelain I admired was damaged, and it angered me. It angered me to realize that I was not the only one that touched him, that held him close. It angered me to realize that someone else had gotten to him before me and had selfishly tried to destroy him. With this rage pulsating throughout my body, I roughly pulled him closer to me, the blood having drained completely from my face, leaving me pale and shaky.

He didn't question me at all, tucking his chin on his chest, closing his eyes briefly. It was almost as if he were subconsciously trying to hide the mark on his precious neck. This thought filled me with sorrow, making me want to erase the stain, making me wish I had the power in me to fix him. I didn't know how I possibly could, though. I had no idea how I could fix him. He opened his eyes now, startling me with the brilliant color of those unique orbs. Still he said nothing, simply staring at me, the smirk gone entirely from his face and a slight worry tingeing his features.

"Are you okay?" I asked him softly, nearly frightened by the prospect of a possible answer. I was sure that if he could have, he would have cocked his head to the side as he contemplated a reply.

"I don't even know, Gee," he said simply, reaching up a hand to wipe his face, "I honestly don't know." I left it at that, immersing myself in other thoughts running through my head.

"Shit," I suddenly muttered, remembering an important event. He immediately sat up, alarmed. I shushed him, motioning him to lie back down, muttering an apology. "Sorry; just remembered I've got a domino game today I've got to go to." He giggled childishly, exhaling a breath of relief, falling back onto the pillow.

"Fuck, dude; you nearly gave me a goddamned heart attack. Thanks." I laughed, muttering another apology. "Is a domino game really that important?" he then asked, turning his head towards me, his throat thrown in sharp relief.

"Yeah, it kind of is when you play against James; you don't want to let down a guy like him." I could see this caught his attention when I had originally thought he would simply ignore it.

"James...Seems familiar," he muttered, as though he were racking his brain for something. I shrugged, not sure how he could possibly know Cabel. He shrugged then, giving it up to look at me with a smile on his face. "You're such a dork, worrying about a domino game," he smirked and I smiled.

"I know I'm a dork. I'm a fucking geek," I replied, sitting up, still holding his gaze. He laughed, continuing to lie there, so precious in my eyes. I leaned towards him, stealing a kiss before moving over him to get off the bed. He merely looked on with shining eyes as I gathered random clothing and other articles in my hands, preparing myself to take a quick shower; I felt weird. I felt even weirder though when I realized he was staring at me as I went on with my morning routine.

He shifted, parting those rose lips of his to speak, "So, what am I supposed to do?" I looked at him, searching desperately for an answer in my head.

"Um...Wait here while I take a shower?" He chuckled, though he glanced disapprovingly at me. I felt like such an idiot.

"Not now; I mean, in the not-too-distant future." I opened my mouth in realization, unsure now more than ever on how to answer him. What could he do? It would be strange trying to explain to my mother the strange circumstances that led him to his stay here; it would be even stranger attempting to explain it to my father, who had barely come to terms with the fact that I was of legal age. I sighed, rubbing my temples with my free hand. What could he do?

"I-I honestly don't know," I muttered, defeated. "How the fuck am I going to explain this to mom and dad?" I then asked to myself, beginning to pace the room feverishly. He merely watched me, an eyebrow cocked, curiosity etched on his features. I tried ignoring his face, however, tried ignoring his cupid's-bow lips. I tried focusing instead on the various scenarios running through my head. There were plenty of possibilities for what could happen once I told my parents the news of Frank's virtually permanent residence in our house...in my room...in my bed. Shit.

"Gerard, I don't have to stay with you," he muttered, scratching lightly at his cheek. "I've got my grandpa."

"But I want you to stay with me," I whined childishly, stopping in the middle of my pacing. He laughed, letting his head drop from his hand. He said nothing though, simply watching me, a gentle smile gracing his lips. "I'll think of something," I muttered stubbornly. I am incredibly hard-headed when I want to be and I acknowledge it. He shrugged lightly, the smile slowly slipping from his face as I finished gathering my things. Noting the way his eyes changed- the way they lost warmth- I came back, capturing his lips with mine. "I won't be long, I swear," I promised, turning my back on him. As I walked away, up the stairs, away from him, I felt as though I were committing the utmost betrayal against him.