Passing Looks and Disappointed Faces

[Frank's P.O.V.]

We left the bathroom spent, our legs weak and shaking beneath our exhausted bodies. We were spent but at least we were clean. I looked back at him, droplets of water glistening in his raven hair like dewdrops. Such precious droplets they were. Such gorgeous locks of twirling ink adorning his pale skin. Such beauty was portrayed before me that I could not tear my eyes away, despite the fact that I simply did not deserve to even gaze upon him.

I couldn't help but suddenly realize just how depressive my thoughts had turned. What was with the sudden thoughts of unworthiness? The sudden oppressive feeling of being undeserving? It was so very strange, these sudden emotions buffeting my vulnerable mind. Perhaps it was the act of so dastardly a deed that had me believing this. Perhaps but perhaps it wasn't. I wasn't certain of anything anymore, least of all what brought on this sudden broken state I had hidden deep inside me.

I was supposed to be the happy one. So I attempted to replace myself; replace the person I had been before this whole series of events. I wanted to be the strong one, the one I had always been. I didn't want to suddenly fall weak; I had had enough time to do so. Now was the time to replace my personality, to show to Gerard just how charming I can really be. A smile spread across my face as I allowed him to walk ahead of me, watching how he shook his head, spraying the crystal droplets everywhere.

He turned around with a smile, a question springing to his rose lips. I never let him finish. In an instant I had lunged at him, clinging to him like a squirrel. Taken by surprise, he crashed to the ground, taking me down with him. I laughed, springing up without a moment's hesitation, bouncing eagerly on one foot. It didn't matter that I was feigning everything, that the smile adorning my face was a mask. He couldn't possibly know the difference between a genuine smile and a façade and that was all that mattered to me. He cocked an eyebrow from the ground, staring up at me in confusion.

Was there a reason for my sudden change in attitude? There definitely wasn't any he could see. I had to keep up this mask for both his sake and mine. I had to show him a spectrum of brilliant colors, a halo of light, for him to be convinced that I was fine. Why did he have to be such a skeptical creature? "Get up," I urged, tugging gently at his hand. "Let's go do something."

"Frank," he warned, letting me lift him from the ground. I ignored his summon, walking down the hallway towards his room. "Frank," he called again, his fingers wrapping themselves around my thin wrist. I wriggled out of his grasp, sending him another of those damned false smiles before turning my back on him yet again. "Frank, don't you dare fucking ignore me; get back here." The smile dropped from my face as I sighed, not bothering to budge from the spot I had frozen in, not daring to turn around and see his lit hazel eyes.

"You're pretending, aren't you?"

"Of course not, Gee. I was perfectly fine and now you just ruined my good mood." I couldn't help but let the faintest trace of sarcasm enter my angered voice as I retorted, crossing my arms resolutely over my chest.

"You're lying to me." It wasn't a question, it wasn't an accusation. It was simply a statement. He extended his arms towards me, bringing me close to his shivering body.

"Why are you shaking?"

"I'm not angel; you are." And it was so. I was shaking, trembling out of my own control. I pulled away, looking up at his caring features. He didn't say anything and just cocked an eyebrow, urging me without words to speak, to tell him what was going on in this damned brain of mine.

"Let's go do something," I repeated, knowing that I didn't want to continue talking about my life. I had spoken about it too much in the past day or two and I didn't want to say anything more. He sighed but consented, taking me by the hand as he began walking down the hallway. We walked into his room and seated ourselves on his bed, staring at each other's faces.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"Good question. Got any video games we could play?" He placed a hand over his heart, feigning a hurt expression.

"You're asking a nerd like me if he's got video games? You offend me Frankie." With a dramatic flourish, he leaped off the bed. I laughed, laying down so my head was hanging off the edge and I could still watch was he was doing.

"Gerard, you radiate gay," I called after him, watching as he swished his hips as he walked. He chuckled, bending down so he could look through a cardboard box next to the television set.

"So do you honey, what with that giggle of yours," he called back as he continued looking, his delicate fingers sifting through assorted objects.

"My giggle is every bit as manly as a giggle can be," I retorted, rolling over so I was on my stomach. "You're the one who can't walk like a man."

"I can so walk like a man!" he yelled back, his voice squeaking at the end. I laughed, burying my face in the mattress to stifle the same.

"Sure you can," I replied sarcastically. "Your voice convinces me that you are every bit a man as a huge-ass, tattooed bouncer outside a club. You can crush me with your very hands if you wanted to."

"Shut up," he mumbled, evidently unable to come up with a comeback. I laughed in triumph, rolling over onto my back once again to stare up at the ceiling. For a few moments I could only hear his shuffling and then the music of a game system powering on roused me from my stupor. I rolled back to my stomach, trying to crawl as quickly as I could off the bed. Unfortunately, all that ended in was my body sprawled across the floor. "You are such a graceful person."

"Is it my fault your bed is uneven?"

"Uneven? How is my bed uneven?

"It's fucking crooked."

"I thought you liked my bed."

"Why would you think that?"

"By the way you were clutching to it for dear life as I pleasured you beyond your wildest dreams." I couldn't help but feel a blush paint my features quite thoroughly.

"You stupid fucker," I retorted, pushing him lightly as I walked to sit next to him. "Don't even say anything," I warned, seeing as he was opening his mouth for what would probably be another suggestive comment. He kept his mouth closed but by the magnitude of his smirk, I could tell just exactly what he had been planning to say. I rolled my eyes but didn't bother commenting, fearing it would only lead to more dirty jokes which I wasn't particularly in the mood for, having just...well, you get the picture.

We then stayed in silence for a few more minutes, the only sound coming from the effects playing out on the screen and the mindless button-pushing both of us were doing. Never once tearing my gaze from the screen, I opened my mouth, preparing myself to ask him something that had been on my mind since I entered this home.

"Gerard?" He grunted in recognition, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he focused on destroying an enemy trying to gun him down. I remained quiet for another moment, focusing my attention back onto the television as I thought on how exactly to phrase my question.

"Yes, Frank?" he prompted in a low, hoarse voice, glancing briefly at me before turning back to the screen to blast away another tide of enemies rushing at his character.

"Why me?" I finally asked him curiously, putting the game on pause to look at him. I wasn't paying the game much attention anyway and my character was already pretty damned low on the health meter, about to die.

"What do you mean?" he asked, setting down his controller, gazing at me.

"Well, out of the hundreds of people you could have met and taken home, you basically chose me. I mean, you could've minded your own business and I could've minded mine. We could have walked our separate paths and never seen each other again save for casual glances when we both so happened to walk down the same street or enter the same building. I could've left you for good when I ran out of your house and taken a different street and never have been faced with that man.

"You could've gone out to buy your vodka at a later time and never found me in that place. You could've just left me there when you found me if you had, ignored me because it was my fault that happened. You could have taken a different route and never seen me at all. You didn't have to take me anywhere; you should have thrown me out of your house. But you didn't and you still don't. And I accepted everything you offered me. I could have gone to live with my grandparents until the entire battle with my mother ended as I've already done many, many times.

"But neither of us did any of these things. You accepted me easily, came to love me and I came to love you if that is what all this confusing mess is. And I want to know why and how. I've been thinking about this a lot, Gee, and I don't want to live with this doubt. Why me? I was just another punk kid in a disagreement with his mother. I wasn't anything special to you when you first saw me. The only tie I could have ever had to you was that your brother and I take music class together and that's it.

"I was nothing special but you took me in and promised to take care of me. Why?" I finally quit my rambling, looking up from the controller I had been fiddling with the entire time I had been speaking to look into his hazel eyes. He sighed, running a hand over his face, obviously mulling over all the possible responses he could give me. I simply sat there, waiting for whatever he could tell me, whatever possible explanation he could offer me.

"Frank," he muttered and took in a deep breath, biting his lip in concentration, his brow furrowed. "Let's just continue playing; I'll tell you later."

"No, Gerard. I want an answer now." I placed my hand over his, wrenching the controller from his grasp and setting it down on the floor next to mine. "I'm not going to wait anymore for this. Just tell me so I can go on with my life."

"You're so dramatic," he sighed, looking into my eyes. "And you're so young and innocent and naïve. Sugar, you don't want to know my reason, at least not now. Let's just get back to the game and I swear to you that when we're done, I'll tell you."