Passing Looks and Disappointed Faces

[Gerard's P.O.V.]

Sandpaper tongue, flashing lights. Hues mingled, ink bleeding into each other, melding into an indescribable mess. There were sounds, soft background noises. Voices, screams. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Groggily, I opened my eyes, body leaden, heavy and weighted down. The sharp, acrid smell of cleaning fluids filled the air, pungent and recent. It seemed to be much too early to wake up, too little time had passed since I had closed my eyes. Groaning softly, I opened my eyes. The bright lights overhead were overwhelming to the point of pain and another groan filled the air.

There was a weight on my left arm, cutting off most of the circulation. With a groan, I turned to see Frank there, curled up into my side, chest rising and falling gently as he slept. With a smile, I watched him, watched as he rested there, dark circles under his eyes even as he slept. His rose lips moved as he mumbled something in his sleep, hand lazily moving to my chest, very lightly placing it there and then letting it fall limp again. I felt slightly winded just watching him sleep next to me, moving to press a gentle kiss to the top of his head. He stirred slightly but stilled again, falling back into his gentle sleep. I smiled at that, moving the arm ridden with needles to gently smooth back his dark hair, combing it away from his forehead. It was beginning to grow out, curling slightly at the edges.

He didn't move any more, comfortably asleep there beside me in the little cot. It was too small for the both of us so we were both pressed against the metal frame surrounding it, but I didn't mind at all. The door creaked open then, startling me. Heart rate speeding, I watched as someone slipped in and exhaled softly when I saw the white lab coat of my doctor. I managed to smile at him before realizing that I had a young man stolen away in my bed. The doctor stepped closer, arching an eyebrow.

"Mr. Way, there can be no one in the rooms after visiting hours, much less in a hospital bed," he said, voice warm and soft, whispering almost as if he didn't wish to wake Frank. I nodded softly, looking down at the sleeping boy in my arms, eyes filling with tears at the thought that I would have to make him go away.

"Can't he stay here tonight? Please, Dr. Highbourne, don't make me have to wake him up. He needs his rest and I can't stand sending him away." He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest, shaking his head slightly as he walked to the foot of the bed again, grabbing the clipboard there to begin jotting down notes about my health. He occasionally asked questions which I answered diligently, hoping that good behavior would merit Frank's continued stay with me. After a while he replaced the clipboard, looking back at me and the boy sleeping beside me.

"He can stay," he finally acquiesced, almost reluctantly, though a smile curved his thin lips, "as long as he doesn't raise hell again." I grinned at him, nodding rapidly as I assured him that I would watch over him and make sure he was on his best behavior. With that smile still across his lips, he turned and walked out swiftly, closing the door gently behind him. Overjoyed that he could stay, I turned to Frank, gently running my fingers through his dark brown hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He didn't wake yet and I could feel myself slowly slipping away as the time passed. I didn't want to fall unconscious yet; I wanted to remain awake and watch over him. Unfortunately, it was apparent that I couldn't control whether or not I could continue lying awake as in another minute or so, my eyes slid shut and I slipped into sleep.

What must have been hours later, I awoke again, blinking blearily in the bright light of the room. It must be day with the way the lights were so painfully apparent, with the way my eyes burned from the exposure. Instantly, I looked around to find that Frank was still curled comfortably beside me, green eyes staring at me curiously. "Morning," he murmured with a wide grin, soft lips attaching themselves gently to my cheek. With another grand smile he pulled away just slightly, resting his head on the lone pillow.

"How'd you sleep?" I murmured, lightly tracing his cheek with my index finger, ignoring the monitoring device on my middle one. He shrugged lightly but continued smiling, hand dancing to hitch up the material of my hospital gown.

"It was the best sleep I've had in days. It's nice to know you're awake." I smiled gently at him, moving my hand from his cheek to stop his from wandering beneath the material of the hospital issued clothing.

"How long was I out?" I asked him curiously; it had seemed like just yesterday that I had taken Frank across Jersey. He sighed softly, taking advantage of my preoccupation with that issue to continue bunching the fabric. Stopping him again, I looked at him pointedly for him to answer.

"Five days," he murmured and I stared at him, stunned. Had it really been that long? I shook my head lightly, kissing him gently.

"What day is it?" He averted my gaze, fingers fretfully plucking at the fabric again, making it ride higher and higher on my bare legs. "Frank," I whined, grabbing his hand and pulling it towards me, preventing him from moving the material any further. "Could you please just answer me?"

"It's October 31st," he mumbled, and I suddenly understood his avoidance of the topic. I inhaled sharply, letting his hand go to tilt his head, pressing my lips against his.

"Happy birthday. I'm so sorry, Frankie. I had everything all planned out for your birthday and now I'm stuck in here. I never meant for that, sugar; I wanted to make your birthday something extra special and because of my idiocy, I can't. I swear I'll make it up to you; whatever you want, I'll give it to you." He shook his head lightly, shrugging as if it were no big deal, still carefully keeping his gaze focused on the material of my hospital gown, fingers plucking at it again. "Come on, babe, I mean it. Anything you want, anything at all, I'll give it to you. Please, I want to make it up to you. It's not fair for you to be here on your birthday. You should be out enjoying yourself, not cooped up in the hospital." He sighed, biting his lip briefly before looking up, opening his mouth to speak and then closing it as he seemed to think better of it. I encouraged him to continue.

"Would you...I mean, could you maybe...f-fuck me?" he whispered and immediately winced away. I could only stare at him in surprise, something stirring deep within me. That was what he wanted? He closed his eyes, mumbling apologies when I wouldn't immediately respond, taking back what he had said. I could only stare at him, confused that he would want that out of everything.

"A-are you sure?" I stuttered, gently running a hand over his cheek.

"N-no, it's fine. I-I'm sorry for bri-bringing it up. D-don't worry about it." He pulled away, extricating my arm from beneath him, moving to get off the bed. I pulled him back in, pressing him tight against my chest, leaning in close to him. I could feel his heart beating frantically in his chest, beating fast like a frightened rabbit's. I could hear the little whimper that escaped his trembling lips, could feel the way he was so worried about my reaction.

"If you really want it, I'll give it to you," I murmured softly, lips brushing against his as I spoke. He swallowed hard, eyes fluttering closed, good hand clutching at the material clothing me. He nodded then, a barely perceptible little twitch of his head but I caught it and captured his lips in mine. He responded eagerly, obliging when I gently began to move so that he was lying down on the bed with me on all fours over him, still kissing him gently. He seemed so nervous there, afraid probably that someone would see us or that I would suddenly stop and deprive him of what he wanted. I grabbed the sheets I had yet to use, unfolding them and draping them over our bodies, shielding us somewhat from view; it would be obvious what we would be doing but at least I could save us some dignity.

My hands traveled to his shirt, gently grabbing onto the hem and pulling it up, pulling away from the kiss to lift it over his head. I was still attached to the IV and the monitors but I was certain I would be able to do this with him without having to disrupt them. He seemed so nervous, trembling beneath me, hands fumbling with the hospital gown. There was no real way to take it off with the machines still hooked to me so the best I could do would be to hitch it up over my back. He did this for me, lips pressing against mine desperately. My hands fumbled with his pink belt, unbuckling it and then getting to work on his tight jeans.

His arousal was evident, eyes clouded with his longing. I pushed his jeans down as far as I could, leaving them around his ankles and along him to push them the rest of the way down. I did the same with his boxers, pushing the soft material down his legs. He was trembling now more than ever, nails digging into my skin, right arm on the bed seeing as it was laden with a cast. I pressed a trail of kisses down his chest lightly, feeling as he gripped onto me, silently begging with me. "Gerard," he whispered, making me look up at him, look into his pretty malachite eyes, "I love you." I swallowed the lump in my throat, leaning up to peck his lips lightly.

"I love you too. I mean it, Frankie. I'll do anything for you, okay? I wouldn't ever hurt you intentionally. I mean, this is going to hurt some, okay, but I'm going to try my hardest for it not to." He nodded, biting his lip as he motioned for me to continue, to do whatever I had to. I sucked lightly on a finger before trailing it down, inserting it into him. He whimpered softly and fidgeted uncomfortably as I moved it around until I was sure he was comfortable with it. I then inserted another and gently began to scissor him, watching as his face contorted with the pain from the movements. Again I waited until he was sufficiently comfortable with it before I positioned myself over him. He motioned me down, pressing his lips desperately to mine, hand pushing me lightly to make me enter him. I did.

He cried out in pain, whimpering softly into the kiss. I kissed him more fervently, pushing into him all the way. I waited until he was adjusted enough before I began to move gently, beginning a very slow rhythm. It hurt to know that he was in pain, that I was hurting him, but he continued urging me, digging his nails into my back and whispering for me to continue, to not stop. Eventually his moans of pain turned into those of pleasure as I wrapped my fingers around his length, pumping him in time to my thrusts. The pleasure I was feeling was intense and even more so when I seemed to hit that one spot deep within him, making him moan loudly in the still air.

I continued aiming for that spot, making him writhe and moan until we both couldn't handle it anymore, bright lights dancing in front of our eyes as we found release. We collapsed into a sweaty pile, clutching each other as I pulled out. He turned to me with a soft smile on his face, nuzzling into my side. "Happy birthday."