Lawn Boy

After the afternoon I had out with Asher and the guys, I drove over to Shane’s house. My Aunt Carol wrapped her arms around me in a giant hug. She offered me a million things like a soda, food, and even candy before she let me announce what I was there for.
“Sure, Shane is up in his room. He’s been really moody this afternoon. Maybe you can get him out of this funk.”
I walked cautiously up the stairs and to Shane’s room. Aunt Carol told me it was the first door on the left. I waited a second before I knocked. I knocked gently.
“What is it, mom?”
“It’s me, Max,” I said.
There was silence and it seemed like Shane wasn’t going to open the door. I was about to leave when he cracked open the door. He looked at me with his blue eyes and then stepped out of the way to let me in. I looked around his room and then I heard him shut the door.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I came to see what was up with you,” I said. “Why didn’t you wanna come out with the guys?”
“I didn’t feel like it,” he answered.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
Shane sighed and sat down on his bed. I walked over to the bean bag he had in the corner and sat down. I sank.
“You can talk to me, Shane.”
“I know,” he said. “I just don’t know if you wanna hear this.”
“What?”
“I’m not sure if I’m really okay with you going out with my best friend.”
“But you said that you were okay with it at school.”
“I know, but the more the I thought about it, the more it made me uncomfortable. I just feel like I’m being left out somehow.”
“What?”
“How am I supposed to feel when my best friend is suddenly more interested in hanging out with my cousin than me?”
“Shane, he’s still your best friend. That hasn’t changed. Anyway, didn’t he have a girlfriend before me?”
“Yeah, but a girlfriend is different. When he had a girlfriend, he and I could still have our guy time. Now he doesn’t need me for guy time because he has you.”
“Shane, Asher’s my boyfriend, not my slave. He can do whatever he wants and I doubt that he’s gonna wanna stop hanging out with you just because he’s with me.”
“I’m still not comfortable with this going on in front of me. I want you to know that I don’t approve anymore. I just didn’t want to hang out and see you two together.”
I got up from the bean bag and walked to the door. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Shane.” I opened the door and I left. I felt really shitty, but what else could I do?

• • •

The next day at school, I couldn’t spend my time before class with the gang like I usually do. I felt guilty. They were Shane’s friends before mine. All I could do talk to Asher really quickly before I left.
“What’s wrong?” Asher asked.
“I can’t hang out today, okay,” I said. “Go, go back to everyone else.”
“There’s something wrong,” he said. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I just—I can’t hang out with you at school. Go back to your friends.”
“They’re your friends, too.”
“Just go,” I said.
I walked away and I wanted to turn back to face him, but I didn’t want to take the chance that he was watching me walk away. The face on him alone might’ve caused me to turn around. I wanted to do this for Shane, my family. He deserved to have his own friends without me moving in on them.
I sat alone at a table in the far corner of the school, just like I did at lunch. I sat alone at the same table eating my pepperoni pizza and drinking my soda. Colleen from civics class came and sat in front of me. She looked at me with her big brown eyes and smiled.
“What’re doing sitting here all alone?” she asked. “You looked out of it in class and now you’re all alone. What’s up?”
I looked around. “Okay…can you keep a secret?”
“Yup,” she said. She nodded up and down like a little kid.
“I’m gay,” I said.
“I knew that. So what?”
“What?—Whatever—I’m going out with this guy and he’s the best friend of my cousin, but my cousin doesn’t approve because he feels like I’m taking away his best friend.”
“So what doesn’t this have to do with you eating alone?”
“Well, you know how I just moved to town, right. Well, my cousin’s friends kind of became my friends and…I just don’t want him to feel like I’m moving in on them.”
“So…this about your cousin and not this guy you’re dating,” she said.
“Yeah,” I said. “Things between me and my boyfriend are fine. I just don’t want to jump in on his territory.”
“Fuck that, they’re you’re friends, too now right?”
“Yeah, they are but they were his friends first.”
“That doesn’t matter. If they’re your friends too, then you have a right to hang out with them. Come, hang out with us if you don’t wanna go back over there.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ll just stay here. I’m used to being alone.”
“How sad…”
“I’m okay, Coleen. Just go back to your friends,” I said.
She looked at me with concern and then went back to her friends. I definitely wasn’t looking forward to facing Asher during English class. I actually thought about ditching, but I knew I couldn’t. English is the only place I feel comfortable—where I feel like I belong.
So when I got to English class, I looked peeked inside first to see if Asher was there. He wasn’t. In fact, the room was empty. I walked in and Mr. Perkins smiled at my antics. I sat down at my desk and took my book from my bag.
“Are you enjoying Mr. Hemingway?” Mr. Perkins asked.
We’ve been reading Ernest Hemingway’s ‘To Have and Have Not’. I was enjoying it. It’s just not a book I would normally read on my own accord.
“I like it,” I said. “I feel bad for Harry.”
“Yes, I think that’s the point,” I said.
“Well, he’s just in a really bad situation and it isn’t his fault.” I was practically crying as I was saying this and I knew Mr. Perkins could tell what was up.
“Are you okay, Mr. Train?”
The rest of the class started to crowd in and with them came Asher.