Lawn Boy

I knew I was going to have to make a choice and fast. I didn’t want to. I stayed in my room over the weekend. I paced and threw Chien’s old tennis ball against my wall, my ceiling and anything else it would bounce against.
“What’s with the banging?” asked Rebecca coming into my room.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve just got a lot of things on my mind.”
“Well, mom’s coming up here soon to check on you if you don’t stop. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing, like I said, I’ve just got a lot of my mind.”
“Come on, you can talk to me…what is it?”
“Trust me, you just don’t wanna know.”
“Okay,” she said in her concerned voice. She put her brown hair behind her ears. “You know I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready to talk.”
I wanted desperately to talk to someone, but who could I talk to? The only one that seemed to make a teeny bit of sense was my mother. But first I would have to tell her that I’m gay. This is going to be interesting.
I waited until I was alone with her in the house before I did it. I walked downstairs and I found her cleaning the kitchen. I walked up behind her and she jumped when she noticed me.
“Good God, Max. You scared me.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“What’s wrong? You seem a bit…I don’t know.”
“I need to talk to you. Do you have time?”
“Of course, Max. I always have time for you.”
We sat down at the kitchen table. She took my hand. “What is it?”
“Mom…I’m gay.”
She smiled. “I know.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve known for a while. I overheard a conversation between you and Rebecca once.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I was waiting for this exact moment. I wasn’t going to make you come out.”
“Thanks mom,” I said. “This really means a lot.”
“Why has it taken you so long?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just wasn’t ready.” I paused. “But telling you that I’m gay isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. In the event that you reacted just the way that you did, I needed to talk to you about a situation that I’m in.”
“Hmm, is this about a boy?”
“Sort of, two boys…”
“Oh, I’ve been in that situation before. So who are these two boys? Is one of them Asher?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“I guessed,” she said with a smile.
“The other one is Jamie.”
That’s where I lost her.
“What? But he’s been going out with your sister.”
“I know, but apparently he sees her as just a friend.”
“And how does he see you?”
“I don’t know, but he’s made a lot of passes at me and…I didn’t exactly push them away. The only thing is…I’m with Asher—officially—and I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t get Jamie out of my head.”
“Max, your sister really likes this boy. She was telling me just the other day that she thinks that she could love him.”
“Mom, I’m so sorry about Rebecca, I came to you because…because I can’t talk to her.”
My mom took a deep breath. “Son, this is easy…dump Jamie and stay with Asher.”
“It’s not that easy. Jamie has made it clear that he wants to be with me and not Rebecca. He told me that he’s gonna do anything to get me.”
“Let me talk to Jamie and see if I can get him to back off.”
“No, don’t do that. I just need some advice mom. I don’t need action from you.”
“What exactly do you want me to tell you, Max? Your involved with a man who your sister is in love with. I can’t exactly tell you to go through with it.”
“Mom, I just wanna know what you would do. What did you do when you were in my situation?”
“I chose the person who I love.”
“But what if I don’t love either of them.”
“Then…I don’t know. Choose the boy who makes you smile immediately when you think of him. Choose the boy who makes your body tingle—who makes you so happy that you could burst.”
“Thanks mom.”
“Was I any help at all?”
“I don’t know, but if I choose Asher, what’s to stop Jamie from ruining it.”
“Just talk to Jamie. Make sure that he understands that you wanna be with Asher and not him.”
“Right,” I said. “Thanks mom.”
“You know it was pretty hard for me at first.”
“Does dad know?”
“No, I never told him, but I did go to therapy for a while. I didn’t know how to handle all of it. But I’ve gotten used to it over time. I used be angry about the fact that you were gay. I used to blame myself and I could barely look at you for I while, but therapy helped and I’m passed all of that now.” She smiled. “I knew that Asher was special to you the first moment that he came into this house. The look on your face when you saw him was priceless.”
“The catch is back that back then he was just a friend. But I did kind of have a crush on him.”
“He’s cute,” she said with a smile.
I blushed. “Stop it, mom. That’s gross and just…weird.”
“Look, all I’m trying to say is that I approve of him.”
“But not of Jamie.”
She put her head down.
“I see, he’s good enough to date Rebecca, but not me?”
“But he started dating Rebecca first.”
“Jamie kissed me for the first time the day after their first date, mom.”
“What?”
“Look, it doesn’t matter. Things between Jamie and I are done.”