Tame This Animal
Chapter Thirteen
It was Thursday, the last Thursday of the Outreach Program at CHMH. Adam was surprised when his presence was requested at The Mingling Room. He didn’t understand why they’d want him there, but as he looked around the room again he found that most of the people had familiar faces. More than half of the groups had partners that were now patients.
He fidgeted with the plastic bracelet around his wrist as he gazed out the barred window. It was killing him just too simply sit at the table. He didn’t need another thing to remind him of what he’d done. His thoughts would never let him forget, even for a second, that he was here because of her.
Adam sighed as he tuned out the chatter from the room. Her blue eyes haunted his dreams and then his every waking moment as well. He tried replaying the good things like her smile and her laugh, but it always ended with her whimpers. Her soft voice crying. Her pleading for him to stop. It nearly destroyed him.
“Can I sit here?” Her tentative, small voice rang in his ears. He slowly turned his head and his chest tightened. Riley stood before him, on the opposite side of the table, with a little smile. She was pale and one of her eyes was black. There were scratched on her neck that disappeared under the long sleeve shirt she wore, probably to hide the other marks.
Adam winced. “What are you doing here?” He sounded broken and she frowned as she pulled the chair out to sit in.
“It’s Thursday.” She informed him and laced her fingers on the table. He hid his hands under the table. His fingers were still bruised and cut as well.
“You shouldn’t be here.” He mumbled and dropped his head. He’d wanted to see her face so many times, but now that she was here, he wished she wasn’t. He’d hurt her and he was barely living with himself as he dealt with it. He couldn’t handle being with her and dealing with it too.
“I wanted to come see you.” She spoke bravely though her bravery was quickly diminishing.
He closed his eyes and cringed again. “You really shouldn’t.” He couldn’t even look at her.
Riley sighed. “Adam, it wasn’t your fault.”
“How can you say that?” His tone was disgusted, but he was not disgusted with her. He was disgusted with himself. “I—,” he stopped and swallowed. Images flashed before his eyes again and his stomach churned.
Riley saw the battle on his features. She hated it. She cautiously reached her hand over the table and brushed her finger tips against his arm. “It wasn’t you.” She whispered and then bit her bottom lip.
Adam raised his head. He focused on her face and kept his mouth closed. He knew at this point that arguing would go nowhere. Every time he would beat himself up, she would reach out. It was no use. His mouth twitched upward. She would always be stubborn, maybe even more stubborn than him.
He slowly brought his hand up and took hers in it. He frowned deeper when she gently ran her fingers over his knuckles. “So how’s this place look from the inside?” She tried a little smile again.
“You know there’s more drama in here than you’d expect.” He glanced around. “That girl over there,” he nodded and she followed his sight to a group near them. “She’s sleeping with this veteran from Michigan in the laundry room.”
Riley giggled as he shook his head and averted his eyes to the wall. “And how do you know this?”
“I accidentally walked in yesterday.” He raised his eyebrows and she giggled again, a little louder this time. The sound made him smile, though he tried to fight it. He cleared his throat nervously. “How’s Ben?”
Riley snorted to his shock. “He won’t leave me alone. He follows me to school, shadows me at the store. It’s hard to believe he has time for his job still.” Her amusement died with each sentence. “He’s sitting out in the car.”
Adam nodded and chewed on his lip. “I’m sure he fought you the whole way here.”
“Ben likes being the overprotective older brother.” Riley shrugged. “He’ll calm down eventually.”
“Did you—,” he hesitated. He didn’t want to say it, and luckily, he didn’t have to.
“No.” She shook her head and sighed. “He assumes, but he doesn’t know. The cops don’t either.” She glanced at him and saw that pain on his face again. “I have full faith that they will never catch the six foot, 190 pound, black man that attacked me. With glasses.” She added and smirked a little.
Adam looked at her unbelievably. “You lied to the cops?” His eyebrows rose. This was the girl who had probably never lied in her life, and here she was lying to keep him safe.
“My memory is all very hazy.” She shrugged and bashfully dropped her gaze to the table. “I had a concussion so they’re not putting too much into what I said anyway.”
The pang in his chest got stronger and it got harder to breath. His hands squeezed hers tightly and every ounce of sincerity in him poured into his words. “I’m sorry Riley.” It couldn’t start to cover his remorse, but it was an attempt.
She laced her fingers with his. “You don’t have to say sorry.” She spoke softly and their eyes met. “I’ve already forgiven you. Now you just have to forgive yourself.”
He sighed and grumbled. “Easier said than done.”
“It is going to be hard, but you’ve already taken the first step all on your own.”
“Not completely on my own.” He argued and she smiled a little.
“The point is you’re here and you’re going to get better.” She insisted. She had so much more faith in him than anyone else, even himself. The two got quiet as they just stared at each other.
They’d both come so far from that first meeting. She was no longer uptight and strict. He was no longer bitter and angry. They were mellow, but circumstances were different.
An official warned that there was only five more minutes before the patients would have to leave for lunch and then group therapy. Neither Adam nor Riley wanted to leave just yet, but there was something she had to say before they were pulled apart.
“I talked to the head therapist here.” Riley confessed and Adam looked at her oddly. “I told him about, well, about us or the lack of us, whatever. The point is that we both agreed.” She fidgeted and his stomach dropped.
“Agreed what?” He edged her on, feeling like he was on a high cliff above rocks.
Riley took a deep breath. “This is the last time we’re going to see each other for a while.” His shoulders hunched forward and her pretty smile turned into a frown. “It’s for the best. You need time to heal. Things’ll be so busy you won’t even miss me.”
“That’s impossible.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “Did you guys agree to some amount of time?” He guessed.
“A year.” It was like a stab to both their chests.
“A whole year.” He repeated and nodded. “Fuck, that’s a long time.”
Riley rolled her eyes. “It’s only a year. I’ve been in school for six years, one is nothing. Besides, you’ve got that record to write, remember?”
“The guys want to take a longer break.” He frowned. “They think I need time too.”
“You do need time.” She frowned too. “But, you’re music I think is what’s going to get you through all this.”
“Wrong again.” His frown dropped and his old smirk came back. “You will get me through.” She blushed and smiled a little too. “But, then you’re right. Music will be a big help too.”
“I know I’m right.” Her smile turned into a full blown grin. “Music shall be your savior, Mr. Gontier.”
“Are you really going there, Ms. Jenkins?” His smirk widened as she giggled and shook her head. “Good.” The smirk faded as he noticed the official going table by table and escorting the patients away. His eyes went to hers and the sudden sadness in them broke her heart. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Riley smiled sadly. “I have to.”
“We’ve broken the rules once. What’s one more time going to hurt?”
“It’ll be okay. You’ll see me eventually.”
“Eventually is not good enough.”
“My folks are paying to move Ben and I to a more lavish apartment with security. I’m not so thrilled but for once, my brother is in agreement with them so my say is kind of muted. My phone’s also going to be changed so there will be no way for you to contact me and I am begging you not to come find me.” She hated that she had to say that. She wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and forget everything, but she knew this was for the better. “I’m going to write down my new address and give it to Neil. He’s going to give it to you when you’re ready.”
“What if he loses it? He’s very prone to losing things.”
“Barry has a copy and so does Brad.”
“So everyone knows where you’ll be except me?”
“The address will be in an envelope so nobody is going to know until it’s time. They’ll just be holding on to it.”
Adam ran a hand through his hair. “This is going to drive me crazy.” He mumbled into his palm and she gave him a hopeful smile. “But I don’t have a choice so,” he trailed off.
A tall man approached the table and their hands dropped. “I’m sorry. Adam, it’s time to go to lunch.”
“Yeah.” Adam sighed and nodded to the man. “I’ll be ready in just a minute.” The man frowned but walked away.
“Time to go.” Riley repeated as she stood up. She bit her bottom lip as he stood up too. He didn’t even think twice as he pulled her into his chest and held her there. He buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes.
“I’ll miss you.” He mumbled and she smiled into his shoulder.
“I’ll miss you too.” Her fingers itched up into his hair. This is the right thing, she told herself over and over in her head. Her arms didn’t want to leave his neck. She didn’t want to leave him.
“You promise you won’t disappear completely on me?” He was terrified of letting her go. Right now he could feel her heartbeat but ten seconds from now, she would only be a memory. It was too much a risk he didn’t want to take.
“I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” She pulled her head back to look up at him. “I promise.”
“I’m going to hold you up to that.” He brought his hands up to cup her face and softly stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “I think I love you, Riley.” He admitted and her cheeks turned bright red.
“I guess we’ll find out when you call.” She smiled and someone cleared their throat from behind him.
Adam ignored it and leaned down to kiss her. Their lips melted together. Her stomach flipped and filled with butterflies. His veins burned with electricity and happiness erupted inside him. It was perfect for forty-five seconds and then it was gone.
His hands dropped from her face and her arms fell to her sides. He took a few steps back and looked her over. She smiled bravely again and batted away tears. Her hand rose as a wave and then so did his.
“Goodbye, Riley.”
“Goodbye Adam.”
He fidgeted with the plastic bracelet around his wrist as he gazed out the barred window. It was killing him just too simply sit at the table. He didn’t need another thing to remind him of what he’d done. His thoughts would never let him forget, even for a second, that he was here because of her.
Adam sighed as he tuned out the chatter from the room. Her blue eyes haunted his dreams and then his every waking moment as well. He tried replaying the good things like her smile and her laugh, but it always ended with her whimpers. Her soft voice crying. Her pleading for him to stop. It nearly destroyed him.
“Can I sit here?” Her tentative, small voice rang in his ears. He slowly turned his head and his chest tightened. Riley stood before him, on the opposite side of the table, with a little smile. She was pale and one of her eyes was black. There were scratched on her neck that disappeared under the long sleeve shirt she wore, probably to hide the other marks.
Adam winced. “What are you doing here?” He sounded broken and she frowned as she pulled the chair out to sit in.
“It’s Thursday.” She informed him and laced her fingers on the table. He hid his hands under the table. His fingers were still bruised and cut as well.
“You shouldn’t be here.” He mumbled and dropped his head. He’d wanted to see her face so many times, but now that she was here, he wished she wasn’t. He’d hurt her and he was barely living with himself as he dealt with it. He couldn’t handle being with her and dealing with it too.
“I wanted to come see you.” She spoke bravely though her bravery was quickly diminishing.
He closed his eyes and cringed again. “You really shouldn’t.” He couldn’t even look at her.
Riley sighed. “Adam, it wasn’t your fault.”
“How can you say that?” His tone was disgusted, but he was not disgusted with her. He was disgusted with himself. “I—,” he stopped and swallowed. Images flashed before his eyes again and his stomach churned.
Riley saw the battle on his features. She hated it. She cautiously reached her hand over the table and brushed her finger tips against his arm. “It wasn’t you.” She whispered and then bit her bottom lip.
Adam raised his head. He focused on her face and kept his mouth closed. He knew at this point that arguing would go nowhere. Every time he would beat himself up, she would reach out. It was no use. His mouth twitched upward. She would always be stubborn, maybe even more stubborn than him.
He slowly brought his hand up and took hers in it. He frowned deeper when she gently ran her fingers over his knuckles. “So how’s this place look from the inside?” She tried a little smile again.
“You know there’s more drama in here than you’d expect.” He glanced around. “That girl over there,” he nodded and she followed his sight to a group near them. “She’s sleeping with this veteran from Michigan in the laundry room.”
Riley giggled as he shook his head and averted his eyes to the wall. “And how do you know this?”
“I accidentally walked in yesterday.” He raised his eyebrows and she giggled again, a little louder this time. The sound made him smile, though he tried to fight it. He cleared his throat nervously. “How’s Ben?”
Riley snorted to his shock. “He won’t leave me alone. He follows me to school, shadows me at the store. It’s hard to believe he has time for his job still.” Her amusement died with each sentence. “He’s sitting out in the car.”
Adam nodded and chewed on his lip. “I’m sure he fought you the whole way here.”
“Ben likes being the overprotective older brother.” Riley shrugged. “He’ll calm down eventually.”
“Did you—,” he hesitated. He didn’t want to say it, and luckily, he didn’t have to.
“No.” She shook her head and sighed. “He assumes, but he doesn’t know. The cops don’t either.” She glanced at him and saw that pain on his face again. “I have full faith that they will never catch the six foot, 190 pound, black man that attacked me. With glasses.” She added and smirked a little.
Adam looked at her unbelievably. “You lied to the cops?” His eyebrows rose. This was the girl who had probably never lied in her life, and here she was lying to keep him safe.
“My memory is all very hazy.” She shrugged and bashfully dropped her gaze to the table. “I had a concussion so they’re not putting too much into what I said anyway.”
The pang in his chest got stronger and it got harder to breath. His hands squeezed hers tightly and every ounce of sincerity in him poured into his words. “I’m sorry Riley.” It couldn’t start to cover his remorse, but it was an attempt.
She laced her fingers with his. “You don’t have to say sorry.” She spoke softly and their eyes met. “I’ve already forgiven you. Now you just have to forgive yourself.”
He sighed and grumbled. “Easier said than done.”
“It is going to be hard, but you’ve already taken the first step all on your own.”
“Not completely on my own.” He argued and she smiled a little.
“The point is you’re here and you’re going to get better.” She insisted. She had so much more faith in him than anyone else, even himself. The two got quiet as they just stared at each other.
They’d both come so far from that first meeting. She was no longer uptight and strict. He was no longer bitter and angry. They were mellow, but circumstances were different.
An official warned that there was only five more minutes before the patients would have to leave for lunch and then group therapy. Neither Adam nor Riley wanted to leave just yet, but there was something she had to say before they were pulled apart.
“I talked to the head therapist here.” Riley confessed and Adam looked at her oddly. “I told him about, well, about us or the lack of us, whatever. The point is that we both agreed.” She fidgeted and his stomach dropped.
“Agreed what?” He edged her on, feeling like he was on a high cliff above rocks.
Riley took a deep breath. “This is the last time we’re going to see each other for a while.” His shoulders hunched forward and her pretty smile turned into a frown. “It’s for the best. You need time to heal. Things’ll be so busy you won’t even miss me.”
“That’s impossible.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “Did you guys agree to some amount of time?” He guessed.
“A year.” It was like a stab to both their chests.
“A whole year.” He repeated and nodded. “Fuck, that’s a long time.”
Riley rolled her eyes. “It’s only a year. I’ve been in school for six years, one is nothing. Besides, you’ve got that record to write, remember?”
“The guys want to take a longer break.” He frowned. “They think I need time too.”
“You do need time.” She frowned too. “But, you’re music I think is what’s going to get you through all this.”
“Wrong again.” His frown dropped and his old smirk came back. “You will get me through.” She blushed and smiled a little too. “But, then you’re right. Music will be a big help too.”
“I know I’m right.” Her smile turned into a full blown grin. “Music shall be your savior, Mr. Gontier.”
“Are you really going there, Ms. Jenkins?” His smirk widened as she giggled and shook her head. “Good.” The smirk faded as he noticed the official going table by table and escorting the patients away. His eyes went to hers and the sudden sadness in them broke her heart. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Riley smiled sadly. “I have to.”
“We’ve broken the rules once. What’s one more time going to hurt?”
“It’ll be okay. You’ll see me eventually.”
“Eventually is not good enough.”
“My folks are paying to move Ben and I to a more lavish apartment with security. I’m not so thrilled but for once, my brother is in agreement with them so my say is kind of muted. My phone’s also going to be changed so there will be no way for you to contact me and I am begging you not to come find me.” She hated that she had to say that. She wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and forget everything, but she knew this was for the better. “I’m going to write down my new address and give it to Neil. He’s going to give it to you when you’re ready.”
“What if he loses it? He’s very prone to losing things.”
“Barry has a copy and so does Brad.”
“So everyone knows where you’ll be except me?”
“The address will be in an envelope so nobody is going to know until it’s time. They’ll just be holding on to it.”
Adam ran a hand through his hair. “This is going to drive me crazy.” He mumbled into his palm and she gave him a hopeful smile. “But I don’t have a choice so,” he trailed off.
A tall man approached the table and their hands dropped. “I’m sorry. Adam, it’s time to go to lunch.”
“Yeah.” Adam sighed and nodded to the man. “I’ll be ready in just a minute.” The man frowned but walked away.
“Time to go.” Riley repeated as she stood up. She bit her bottom lip as he stood up too. He didn’t even think twice as he pulled her into his chest and held her there. He buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes.
“I’ll miss you.” He mumbled and she smiled into his shoulder.
“I’ll miss you too.” Her fingers itched up into his hair. This is the right thing, she told herself over and over in her head. Her arms didn’t want to leave his neck. She didn’t want to leave him.
“You promise you won’t disappear completely on me?” He was terrified of letting her go. Right now he could feel her heartbeat but ten seconds from now, she would only be a memory. It was too much a risk he didn’t want to take.
“I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” She pulled her head back to look up at him. “I promise.”
“I’m going to hold you up to that.” He brought his hands up to cup her face and softly stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “I think I love you, Riley.” He admitted and her cheeks turned bright red.
“I guess we’ll find out when you call.” She smiled and someone cleared their throat from behind him.
Adam ignored it and leaned down to kiss her. Their lips melted together. Her stomach flipped and filled with butterflies. His veins burned with electricity and happiness erupted inside him. It was perfect for forty-five seconds and then it was gone.
His hands dropped from her face and her arms fell to her sides. He took a few steps back and looked her over. She smiled bravely again and batted away tears. Her hand rose as a wave and then so did his.
“Goodbye, Riley.”
“Goodbye Adam.”