Tame This Animal

It was a nice, warm Thursday afternoon. Riley sat at the usual table in the corner, staring out the window. She hated the bars on the window. It was so peaceful and sunny outside. She wanted to feel the sunshine on her skin and the breeze in her hair. She sighed and refocused her attention to inside the room.

There were partners already talking around the room. It made a slight hum, but that stopped as a figure walked in. Riley’s eyes opened and her hand flew up to cover mouth. She gasped, just like everyone else in the room as Adam strode over to her with a large grin.

“These are for you.” He extended the dozen roses to her before he sat down. Riley took the flowers cautiously and stared hard at them. She was definitely speechless. “As an apology,” Adam explained sheepishly. “For my behavior Tuesday night. It was forward and it was wrong. I am sorry.” He smiled hopefully as her wide eyes finally reconnected with his.

“Adam, this is so unnecessary.” She frowned and then so did he. It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for. “They’re beautiful though. Thank you.” She said softly and her even softer lips curved slowly into a smile.

“You’re welcome.” He smirked and nodded as she sniffed the flowers. Her cheeks blushed and she bit her bottom lip as she set the flowers down on the table. “So, what are we talking about today?” He laced his fingers and set them on the table too as she fiddled with her bag.

“Um, well, I did a bit of research.” She hesitated. It was embarrassing to admit that she had goggled drug addiction and checked out a million books from the library on the subject. She sighed and set the papers down on the table. Her eyes darted to the roses. “Why’d you do the drugs?”

He chuckled uneasily and leaned back. “It made me feel better, I guess.” He shrugged and her eyebrows furrowed.

“How long have you been using?”

“A little over three years.”

“Have you ever had destructive behavior while under the influence?”

“I punched a mirror once.” He bit his tongue before commenting on the fights he’d apparently been in. He didn’t remember much of anything when he was gone.

“Some people relate their drug addiction to a separate being inside them.” Riley glanced down at the papers. She didn’t read them, she didn’t need to, but she liked looking at the words. “Sort of like when they use they turn into an animal. They can’t control their actions or their mouths and it destroys everything around them.” She lifted her head back up and looked into his sad eyes. “Have you ever felt like that?”

“No.” He did not like this line of conversation. He’d never paid much attention to the fact that he blacked out a lot when he was on drugs. Whole weeks were missing sometimes.

“Right, you said you used because it made you feel better. How so?” She rested her chin in her palm and stared. Her heart swelled at how professional she sounded. At least she was finally getting some work done. Now if only she could ignore the roses and continue her professional relationship with Adam. If only, she scoffed.

“It took all the stress away.” He looked down at the pattern on the table top and examined it. “I didn’t have to worry about anything. It was like freedom.”

“Have you ever,” she paused and scraped her top teeth against her bottom lip, “over dosed? Accidently or on purpose?” His eyes lifted to hers.

“No.” His blues were hazy as he frowned deeper. “But I was in the room where someone did, on accident.” He tried shoving the mental picture away. He had never wanted to relive that moment ever again. He’d even gone five weeks sober after that, from fear. “He died.” Adam’s voice cracked as he broke eye contact and went back to staring at the table.

Riley felt a wave of sadness crash over her. “How did that affect you?”

Adam sighed. “I was terrified.”

Her body ached to embrace him for comfort. “But you still went back to drugs?”

“After enough pretending,” he mumbled and ran a hand over his face. He wondered how much time was left and then he hoped it wasn’t much.

“Pretending what?” She asked intrigued.

Adam gave a wry smile. “Pretending I hadn’t seen it. Pretending I wasn’t going to end up the same way. Pretending I still had control.”

“So you admit you don’t have control anymore?”

He sighed again. “Yeah.”

“That’s good, Adam.” She praised him, but felt like it wasn’t enough. She wanted to exalt him with hugs and smiles. He was progressing so much. Soon he wouldn’t need her help at all. He’d be ready to check in all on his own. She was proud. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do after the program?”

Of course he had, but not the way she was hoping. All he could think about was what would happen between the two of them after everything was done. He hadn’t even considered the rehab center afterward.

“I’ll be going into the studio.” He said it, but it felt wrong. He didn’t want to go into the studio. He had nothing to write about. He’d poured all his anger into the last album and now he was done.

“Oh.” It was clear from the single sound that her hopes were gone. “What about attending AA meetings? Do you plan on finding some near the studio?”

“AA?”

She smiled warmly at his confusion. “It’s not just for alcoholics. They’d welcome you with open arms and it’d be a lot like this. You could make good, strong friendships with people that are going through the same thing you are.”

“You seem to be talking from experience?” He gave her a peculiar look as he questioned more than stated. Her cheeks turned crimson as she dropped her eyes to her papers again.

“I’ve been to a few group therapy sessions.” She admitted and then blushed harder.

“Really?” He was completely captivated by now.

“Yes, really.” She smirked and glanced up at him. “My mom thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger so she put me in therapy.”

He chuckled. “Is that what sparked your interest in psychiatry?”

She bit her bottom lip hard enough to almost draw blood. “In a way, yeah.”

“Hmph,” he grunted and crossed his arms. The nervous look in her eyes told him there was more to the story, but the pleading in them told him not to ask. He frowned but finally decided to change the subject. “So how have your classes been?” It was the only safe territory he could think of.

“Busy.” Riley blew the air out of her mouth upward so that her bangs flew and then landed back on her forehead, some getting in her eyes. She was relieved to be talking about something so plain as school. Three weeks ago school had been the main focus of her life. Now she was juggling guilt, infatuation, and a home baking service. School was an easy subject to deal with. “I had two lectures and Mrs. Fowler passed out the end of the semester study guide.” She frowned. “I don’t think I’ll do very well on the actual exam.”

“Nonsense.” Adam rolled his eyes and then smirked at her while she arched one eyebrow at him. “You’re brilliant, Rye. The exam won’t stand a chance.”

She giggled and blushed at the compliment. “Ben says the same thing, only in his words, I’m a ‘fucking brain’.” Adam chuckled too.

“Well, you are.”

“Thanks.” She grinned and for a moment they just stared. The silence didn’t bother either one, but their smiles turned goofy the longer it stayed. Finally Riley’s eyes widened as she excitedly remembered. “Ben’s working on my first tattoo!”

Adam scrunched his eyebrows and frowned slightly. “You’re getting a tattoo?” The hint of disappointment in his voice didn’t affect the shine in her eyes a pinch.

“I’ve joked about it with Ben for ages, but I’ve never had the guts to actually do it. Lately he’s been drawing these weird designs and I just love them. He’s tweaking with one so it’ll fit me just right.” Her hand reflexively reached for a pencil so she could start to outline the image soon to be inked in her skin.

“I don’t think you should get it.” The words tumbled from him and she raised her head with a pout firm on her features. It made his heartbreak, but he couldn’t take back his opinion now.

“And why not?” Her tone got defensive as her eyes involuntarily went to his visible tattoos.

“You’re just not the type to have tattoos.” He was unsatisfied with the statement, but it was better than telling her what he was really thinking. He thought her body was god damn too perfect to touch with ink.

“I’m a very rounded person, Mr. Gontier, and I do not like you assuming things about me.” She crossed her arms over her chest and continued to pout. She resembled that small child he’d seen her as at the fair.

He laughed. “Fine, then. Get the tattoo. It’ll look sexy as hell on you.” He laughed harder as she quickly turned crimson and her eyes widened on him. “Where do you plan on getting it anyway?”

Riley sighed. “I haven’t decided. I probably won’t get it.” The thought depressed her. A tattoo symbolized freedom to her. Freedom was something she hadn’t had very much of growing up, and it was liberating to think of writing something on her body because she damn well felt like it. Without the tattoo, she’d just be Riley Jenkins, the obedient good girl. She frowned deeper. “I’m too much of a chicken when it comes to needles.”

“It’s not so bad, I promise.” Adam had watched all the emotions flicker over her face and he was completely bewildered. He wasn’t sure what had been flying through her mind, but seeing her pretty pink lips in that frown made him want to cheer her up. He lifted the sleeve to his shirt up above his bicep to show her the rings around it. “I hardly even felt this one.” Course I was stoned out of my mind, he added in his head and then cursed.

“Mm, tribal symbols?” He was astonished that she’d picked up on what the rings were. Most people just looked at him like he was stupid for tattooing bands around his arm. “I didn’t peg you for the type to tattoo tribal symbols on yourself.” She giggled and he smirked.

“Remember what we said about assuming?” This made her giggle harder. Her head fell back and her eyes closed. He thought she looked beautiful.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face as she glanced around the room. Some of the tables were empty already. She checked the clock on the wall and was shocked to see there was only ten minutes left. “Let’s get back on track, shall we?”

“Sure.”

“Um, okay. “ She sifted through her papers while he quietly and intently watched her. A wrinkle started to form on her forehead before she finally laid her hands on the table, palms down. “I left my last sheet on my desk.”

Adam cracked a smile. “So we can talk about anything?”

She fake glared at him. “It has to be related to this program.”

His smile grew and turned genuine. “Alright,” he nodded. “I want to thank you for being my partner.”

“You know I didn’t really have a say in that.” She whispered like it was a secret and he chuckled, glancing down at his hands before he steadied his eyes on hers.

“I know, but without you.” He paused. There were so many things he could finish the sentence with. Some of them were inappropriate, but still true. He finally settled on the one that people kept telling him. “I wouldn’t have changed as much as I have.”

Her heart swelled again. “I didn’t do anything, Adam. It was all you.” She grinned and so did he.

“You helped more than you think.” One corner of his mouth turned higher than the other as he stared into her captivating blue eyes. “So there’s only one more session left.”

“Yeah.” She sighed the word and smiled sadly.

“We won’t see each other much after this, will we?” He was melancholy.

“Probably not,” she confessed.

All he knew was he didn’t want this to end, ever. “Will you come over tonight?”He was practically begging her to say yes. Her mood drooped and he had the feeling she was going to say no. “Just for dinner. I’ll cook for you and I’ll kick Neil out of the house, so it’d just be the two of us.”

The suggestion lingered in the air. Just the two of us, Riley repeated in her head. She couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but she had a feeling it was a bit of both. She tried to con herself into it. This way she wouldn’t have to cook and she wouldn’t have to eat alone because Ben was gone. The usually small voice in her head was screaming though, it’s against everything you stand for!

“No one has to know.” Adam whispered as he eyed the room. No one was paying attention to the two of them. His tone was filled with such desperation and his blue eyes so insistently handsome. Her resolve crumbled.

“Alright. I’ll come for dinner, but please,” her whole body shook as the word came out with every ounce of sincerity in her. “Don’t try anything.”

“Okay.” He agreed, though he knew he’d have to fight it all night.

She nodded and grabbed her roses and bag before standing up. She gave him one last smile before exiting the room with her mouth shut tight. She didn’t want to add the phrase that was clear in her mind. Because I’m not so sure I can resist anymore.