Back to the Place We Knew Before

On Christmas Eve, we were supposed to have a family dinner-- just Mom, Dad, Finn, my sister and me. But of course, dad got called into the office, and one of Mom’s patients went into labor. Rian called Finn to help him put furniture together and drink beer and other manly things, so I was left to spend the night watching classic Christmas movies with Braelyn, which was something I didn’t mind at all.

“So you never told me what happened what happened when you and Jack left the other day.” She said. I felt my face burning, knowing that I’d have to tell her because she was, after all, my sister, and I couldn’t hide anything from my sister. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“Okay, well, we went outside, and intended to go for a walk, but he decided it was way too cold out. So he told me to go to his car, so I did, and her drove us so far out, that I was convinced he was going to kill me and dump the body there, but then he was like ‘Okay we’re here.’ But I didn’t recognize anything, but he grabbed my hand and said we had to walk a little bit. We eventually got to this log cabin thing, which he said was his lake house, and I didn’t even know he had a lake house, so I seriously doubted him, but he had a key. It was really nice for a log cabin, and he started a fire in the fireplace, and he put on music and stuff. We just sat there talking about everything-- me and Alex, and me and him, you and Zack, me and him. And then he kissed me, and then it progressed.

“Raegan! You can’t just have mindless sex with whoever you feel like!” Brae interjected.

“No it was different. It wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t like it was with Alex at all. But then after we were just laying there and he started freaking out about how we shouldn’t have done that, and how it was against bro code to go after your best friend’s ex, and he told me that he should just take me home, so we got dressed and he brought me home and we haven’t spoken since.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“Of course, but he won’t answer, and tomorrow’s Christmas, and all I want is for him to talk to me, but that’s not going to happen and right now he’s all I want.”

“Isn’t it funny how you always want what you can’t have?” she said somewhat sarcastically.

“Brae, what the fuck? Why are you being bitchy?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just I’ve got a lot of drama going on right now?”

“Oh? I thought you and Finn were perfectly happy.”

“We are. At least he is. And I mean I am, too, when we’re together.”

“And when you’re not together?”

“When we’re not together, I’m…sort of…” she looked at me guiltily, biting her lip.

“Sort of what?”

“With Zack?”

“BRAELYN!”

“What? I’m sorry. I feel awful.”

“What do you mean ‘with Zack’ ?”

“You know…”

“Brae…”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Just once?” I asked doubtfully.
“Or a few times.”

“BRAELYN!”

“It just feels so right.”

“So wrong!”

“Raegan, I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m not exactly one to give relationship advice. Are… are you going to tell Finn?’

“No. I just want to put it behind me, and go on with our lives. I mean in less than a month we’ll be back in New York and Za- the boys will be back on tour”

I sighed. I knew that she should break things off with Finn since she obviously harbored feelings for Zack, but if she would be happy with Finn in New York, then that was good enough for me.

“I hope you’re right” I said, before feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. I looked down to see his name flashing across the screen.

“Brae! It’s Jack!”

“Are you going to answer it?” she asked.

“Shit! Right… Hello?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but I know it sounded excited and nervous.

“Rae, Hi. Wow, I didn’t think you’d answer.”

“Wh-why wouldn’t I?”

“Raegan, I’m really sorry about the other night. I just got so nervous and froze up, and I couldn’t handle what had just happened,” he sighed, “I wanted that for so long, and then when I finally got it, I couldn’t handle it. I’m so sorry.” he sounded like he was crying. I felt awful.

“Baby! Where are you?!” Finn called out after slamming the door. Braelyn whispered a quick warning to not say anything before running out of the room to him.

“Raegan, are you still there?”

“Yeah, Jack. Don’t even worry about it. Uhm, do you want to come over?.”

“Are you sure I should? You seemed pretty upset the other night.”

“I would really appreciate it. I really don’t want to be alone on Christmas Eve with Brae and Finn upstairs.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”