Back to the Place We Knew Before

We all sat in the waiting for what had to be hours while Rian was in the room with Mikayla. At one point when Alex couldn't bear to sit for one more second, we ventured off to find vending machines.

"So...you and Zack, huh?" Alex asked smirking and shooting his eye brows up. Clearly finding humor in what he just said
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"What about us?" I asked nervously. I was praying that he hadn't found out about the secret meetings, the hidden affection that went on before Zack decided that it wan't enough for him; that it was all or nothing, shoved a ring at me and told me it was over.

"Braelyn Maria Hale, do you really think that I don't know about yours and Zachary's little escapades?" Alex paused to snort. "I invented escapades. I've known since day one." he grinned confidently.

"He told you, didn't he?" I asked irritated now that it was obvious that someone opened their mouth.

"Zack?" Alex asked with confusion. "Are you serious? Zack would never. Jack however had-"
"Jack knows too?!" I screamed.

"Yeah...everyone knows. Well, except for maybe Finn...he knows something is going on. Obviously." Alex added referring to the fight that took place earlier today. He feed the snack machine a dollar.

"Lovely." I grumbled. I would have to keep Finn away from Jack now, in fear that Jack would let it slip. Jack couldn't keep a secret no matter how hard he tried. I was screwed if he let it slip. All my backstabbing and lies would surface.

"It's not like he'd do it on purpose." Alex said in Jack's defense. I didn't respond, just watched as Alex tried to decide which junk food would suffice as his dinner. Once Alex grabbed a bag of sour gummy worms out of the machine he spoke again. "Look at it this way, the worst case scenario is Finn will break up with you. You and Zack will get back together, get married, and have babies."

"It's not that easy." I muttered under my breath.

"Brae, you didn't see him after the break up. You weren't there the week after. I've never seen someone beat themselves up as much as he did. You're meant for each other, it is that easy."

I felt like I was being attacked, everyone kept telling how hard it was on Zack. Like it was my fault he was miserable! He's the one who created this whole mess.

"No, Alex. It is not that easy. It takes more than-"

"Trust me. Please! I can't stand see him like this anymore!"

"I didn't break up with him! I am so sick of being reprimanded for how miserable he was."

"Is. How miserable he is. Not was. And yeah, he broke up with you but everyone makes mistakes, Brae. You both want to be together but you're both too stubborn to anything about it. It's ridiculous already, just stop torturing each other."

"What if-"

"You're his world. He'd never let you go again. If he didn"t think it was in your best interest he never would have in the first place. Mikayla convinced him it's what you wanted."

"What?" I asked completely unable to comprehend what he'd just told me.

"She said you wanted to be free of him at college. Explore your options or something. " Alex said casually while he shoved gummy worms in his mouth.

This was another one of Mikayla's sick games. The kind of games which entailed making people miserable. I was beyond irate. I was heart broken. The girl I called my best friend single handedly ruined my relationship because she couldn't stand to see me happy. I tried to stay calm as Alex and I walked back to the waiting room.

"You cheated on me with him?" Finn screamed pointed an accusing finger at Zack. Everyone in the waiting room was watching us like we were a soap opera.

My gaze shifted from Zack, who was sitting there probably waiting to get punched in the face again to Jack. Jack looked like a deer in the headlights with an 'oh shit!' look on his face.

"You cheated on me!" Finn screamed in confirmation.

I then looked to Alex, he just kept eating his gummy worms with wide eyes. His words were echoing in my head. I was more angry at myself than at Mikaela then. I'm the one who listened to her advice and moved onto Finn even though I wasn't near being over Zack.

"Yeah, I did." I said it so unshamefully, so cold that I shocked myself. I had no remorse for what I did and that was clear now because I could never regret being with Zack.

Finn's face fell, he wasn't pissed anymore it didn't seem. "Can we talk in private somewhere?" he asked calmly.

It was close to midnight, I could tell because as soon as Finn and I stepped outside the sliding doors of the hospital, reporters were rushing in while talking about the New Year Baby.

"I knew you were with him for a long time before we even met. You told me before before we even went on a date. I know I didn't give you enough time to get over him. I understand. I'm okay with it. When we go back to school we can just forget all about it. We can go back to the way we were." Finn said quietly, grabbing onto my hands.

"I just-I don't think things can go back to the way they were." I said looking past Finn, pulling my hands from his and shoving them into the pockets of my hoodie. I shivered against the winter air.

"We can put this past us. I can look past this." Finn sounded so desperate for us to be okay that made my guilt show up finally.

"I think we're just on different pages right now. You're always drunk or partying and I'm...not."

"I'll stop drinking. I'll change. I'll do do whatever...don't leave me. Please?" Finn asked with watery eyes and that's when I realized that I wasn't only person who had issues in this relationship.

"We're not good for each other, Finn. Look at us, there is no fixing this. I'm sorry, I hope you get where I'm coming from." I spoke delicately to him.

"Fuck you. You're a fucking good for nothing whore. I don't know what I ever saw in you." Finn spat venomously and stormed off.

I was overcome with relief. I leaned against the cold wall of the hospital. I noticed then how cold outside it was. I hugged myself for warmth, trying not to look at Zack's bloody nose stains on my sleeves. The wind blew, and I knew I couldn't last out there with just my thin hoodie.

I spun on my heel, in the pursuit of warmth I almost collided with Zack. "Sorry." I mumbled, staring into his eyes trying to read his emotions but was unable to find any. Instead I found myself just staring into his eyes, wishing I was wrapped up in his arms.

An explosion of fireworks lit up the sky, ripping my attention away from Zack. It was officially the start of another year. I got on my toes and press my lips to Zack's, being mindful of his swollen, bruised, and surely sore nose.

The kiss is all I've wanted since the day he broke up with me. It was slow but still passionate. It was me telling Zack how much I've missed him, how much I craved him. It was Zack telling me he'd been waiting for this since he left for tour, telling me he lived for this moment...or so I thought.

Zack pushed me away gently but still with force, leaving me desperate for more. Zack's face was blank for a few seconds before he glared down at me. "Don't." He said taking a step back. "Don't come to me because your boyfriend breaks up with you. I'm not here for your convenience." Zack seethed, making his way back through the sliding doors.

It occurred to me then that Zack wasn't there for the conversation between Finn and I. He had no idea what actually went down. "Wait! It's not like that!" I said walking after him.

"Save it." Zack growled and continued to speed walk into the waiting room.

I just wanted to slap Alex, he made it seem like Zack was waiting for Finn and I to break up so we could get back together. In reality, he wanted nothing for me. I built myself up just be knocked back down.

Zack sat down, turned his iPod on full blast to tune out everyone and kept his eyes on his Soduko book. Everyone pretended that I was curled up a plastic couch with my face buried in folded arms because I was tired, really everyone knew I was crying.

"He'll come around." Alex whispered, sitting on the floor next to my couch. "He keeps looking over here. We could make out and make him jealous." Alex suggested as a joke. I picked my head up to smacked Alex while laughing a little.

Just then Rian came out of the doors that lead to the birth rooms. He looked...beyond miserable.

"Mikayla di-she died." Rian dropped into a chair, sobs shaking his whole body. I don't remember getting up but I was on my feet and standing by Rian when a doctor came out and started to talk to us quietly, explaining how she lost too much blood. That they did everything they could have. That Andrew was healthy.

"No." I backed away from the group. "No, this isn't real. This-this isn't real! She's putting you up to this!" I could see everyone's worried faces.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Your friend has passed." The doctor said like a robot, no compassion.

"You're a liar! You're a fucking liar!" I was screaming now and I was sure security was going to be called on me but I didn't want to accept that Mikayla had died. My best friend, even if she did treat me shitty, was not dead. She couldn't be.

"Baby, it's gonna be alright." Zack said calmly reaching out for my hand.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed flinching away from him.

"Brae." my sister said through tears, he worried expression getting through to me. I was scaring her. I looked around, everyone was crying and watching me in fear of what I might do.

"No." I said quietly, shaking my head while I blinked away tears. I turned to run away but ran into Alex instead. As soon as his arms wrapped around me I collapsed and began to sob.

"We'll get through this." Alex promised me trying his best to soothe me.

Mikayla was gone.
She was never coming back.
She was dead.