Finch.
20.
“I’m going to take Eleanor here out to lunch. You think you boys can handle it here for a few hours?” Norah asks. We all nod and grumble our replies.
“We’ll be fine, sister,” I say.
I give Ellie a quick glance to make sure she’ll be already herself. She smiles weakly at me. I smile back and she laughs lightly.
Norah kisses Matthew lightly on the mouth and then takes Ellie’s hand and they are out the door. I hear the car start. I don’t like that Ellie is away from me.
William is next to me on the couch and he takes my hand. For a reason unknown to myself I lean my head on his shoulder and we continue to watch the television set.
It’s been so boring here the past few days, for the band and Eleanor at least.
Norah and Matthew have been running everywhere in preparation. The wedding is in two weeks.
I’m scared, I really am. It’s not so much a thing that Norah will eternally be Matthew’s, because it’s already been like that for ages. Though that alone is a terrifying enough thought, what I really can’t stand is calling Matthew Fletcher my family when Eleanor Mason is already my family, and more than that if that is possible. I’m not sure what Eleanor feels about this situation anymore. She only talks at night, when I pull her close to me and her only true thoughts are the things she’s been muttering in her sleep. She really does sound scared, I often tuck her into my chest and kiss her hair, in failed attempts at making her feel safe and secure. I often wonder if I make her feel secure at all.
It does wound me enough that I love her so, I’ve nearly cried myself to sleep a few nights. I try to ignore my heart though, it only does me worse.
While I think of all this, I catch William staring at me. I sigh and kiss his cheek, though I know it won’t do a God damned thing. I hear him inhale and exhale deeply. I don’t want to know what he is thinking.
I am staring at Matthew, while he takes a sip of wine from a glass cup and continues to have his eyes glued to the men running across the screen.
I try to catch any glimpse of emotion on his face.
Does he truly love my sister like William believes?
Could love possibly be as painful for him as it is for me?
If it’s not as painful as it is for me than he doesn’t love Norah nearly enough.
I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to disturb this peace that has settled on the house for the first time in weeks.
I need to know how to speak my mind.
“Everything okay?” William whispers very quietly into my ear.
“No,” I reply.
“Why?” He asks. I ponder how to answer.
“I still don’t want this.”
“The marriage?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not your life though, you have no say.”
“Which is why I continue to say nothing.”
William squeezes my shoulder, trying to calm me I suppose, but it’s of course to no avail. I don’t know why he would think that would help. I suddenly feel very agitated and leave the room. No one follows.
At this point I’m pacing the front yard, mind wandering every possibility. So I call the only person I know who can help me.
“Hola,” She says into the phone.
“Estimados, necesito su ayuda.”
At first she doesn’t even recognize my voice.
“We’ll be fine, sister,” I say.
I give Ellie a quick glance to make sure she’ll be already herself. She smiles weakly at me. I smile back and she laughs lightly.
Norah kisses Matthew lightly on the mouth and then takes Ellie’s hand and they are out the door. I hear the car start. I don’t like that Ellie is away from me.
William is next to me on the couch and he takes my hand. For a reason unknown to myself I lean my head on his shoulder and we continue to watch the television set.
It’s been so boring here the past few days, for the band and Eleanor at least.
Norah and Matthew have been running everywhere in preparation. The wedding is in two weeks.
I’m scared, I really am. It’s not so much a thing that Norah will eternally be Matthew’s, because it’s already been like that for ages. Though that alone is a terrifying enough thought, what I really can’t stand is calling Matthew Fletcher my family when Eleanor Mason is already my family, and more than that if that is possible. I’m not sure what Eleanor feels about this situation anymore. She only talks at night, when I pull her close to me and her only true thoughts are the things she’s been muttering in her sleep. She really does sound scared, I often tuck her into my chest and kiss her hair, in failed attempts at making her feel safe and secure. I often wonder if I make her feel secure at all.
It does wound me enough that I love her so, I’ve nearly cried myself to sleep a few nights. I try to ignore my heart though, it only does me worse.
While I think of all this, I catch William staring at me. I sigh and kiss his cheek, though I know it won’t do a God damned thing. I hear him inhale and exhale deeply. I don’t want to know what he is thinking.
I am staring at Matthew, while he takes a sip of wine from a glass cup and continues to have his eyes glued to the men running across the screen.
I try to catch any glimpse of emotion on his face.
Does he truly love my sister like William believes?
Could love possibly be as painful for him as it is for me?
If it’s not as painful as it is for me than he doesn’t love Norah nearly enough.
I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to disturb this peace that has settled on the house for the first time in weeks.
I need to know how to speak my mind.
“Everything okay?” William whispers very quietly into my ear.
“No,” I reply.
“Why?” He asks. I ponder how to answer.
“I still don’t want this.”
“The marriage?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not your life though, you have no say.”
“Which is why I continue to say nothing.”
William squeezes my shoulder, trying to calm me I suppose, but it’s of course to no avail. I don’t know why he would think that would help. I suddenly feel very agitated and leave the room. No one follows.
At this point I’m pacing the front yard, mind wandering every possibility. So I call the only person I know who can help me.
“Hola,” She says into the phone.
“Estimados, necesito su ayuda.”
At first she doesn’t even recognize my voice.