Finch.

By the end of my conversation with Maria, it’s silent and I cannot believe what I have just told her.
“Nick, but in the end you know you can’t go back for Eleanor.”
“No, I’m going to go back for her after.”
“Then you risk both our lives as well as hers.”
“She can’t be without me, I can’t be without her,” I reply, quietly, and hardly knowing.
“Your choice darling.”
Maria hangs up.
I do my best to get used to once again not hearing the sound of her voice. I can almost smell her hair and feel her quiet softness. I walk back into the house. I wait for Eleanor to get home, and fall asleep in our bed.

I wake up to Eleanor staring at me with her lovely face. I smile at the sight of her, breathe in and breathe out. Sometimes I think that just her face can save me.
“Hello, Birdie,” I muse. She gives me a small grin.
“Hi Nikki. You’ve been asleep for quite a few hours. Your forehead is warm,” she tells me, putting the back of her hand to my face.
“I’m scared,” I say.
“Me too.”
I pull her close to me, and recall one short memory.

“Nikki, you’re going to have to come out of the car. Your parents aren’t happy with you,” Ellie says. She smiles at me from outside, holding out her hand. I look away. How can I look at her? I’m sixteen and in love and she doesn’t understand.
“Nick! I’m serious! Tasha isn’t important. Get out of this car.”
Oh, Eleanor, babe. I know Tasha isn’t important. She was just a cheap shot and a waste of alcohol. I smirk up at Ellie, rolling my eyes.
“I’m not worried about Tasha.”
“Then get out of the car and smoke with me.”
I feel absolutely pathetic that she doesn’t understand how much I want her. I don’t think she realizes her beauty and that in itself is the best part of her. The fact that she is so naïve is beyond comprehension.
“Alright.”
We smoke, we talk, we hold hands, and walk back to the family reunion.

“You shouldn’t be scared. We’ll be just fine,” I say. I don’t know why I say it, but I do.
“Do you feel alone Nicholas?”
“The only time I don’t feel alone is when I’m with you. Do you?”
“I like to think I’m not alone, but I’m still scared.”
And this tears it. She doesn’t understand. I kiss her hair and put my head in her lap, and go back to sleep. I’m so tired. Maybe not physically anymore but I just can’t keep up with her anymore, though I love her too much to quit running.