An Open Book
Epiphany
As I think back upon my life, two things are very clear to me.
The first being this: Life is unfair. This one is the most prominent, I believe. In a person’s life, they go through many struggles. They give and yet receive nothing. They love to merely be rejected. They try so hard to achieve, and for what? Ever since I was young, I considered myself to have a lot of goals. As I got older, I realize now that these are not truly goals, but dreams. So I will classify them as just that, dreams. My goal, however, is to survive.
As I write this, in the silent winter air, I am reminded of you, the lost love that was taken from me. When I close my eyes at night, I hope you know you’re still with me in my dreams. I can hear your voice; though after two years of the silence, it’s beginning to get hazy. This scares me the most. I know I will never forget you, though it troubles me to know your voice isn’t as clear in my mind as it once was.
So, this is my vow: I vow never to place so much of myself in another person. I vow to never regret anything in my life, for it is those mistakes, those blunders, those careless decisions that made me who I am today.
The second thing that is quite obvious to me over my twenty-one years upon this earth is It goes on. Because it does, it’s as simple as that. Life doesn’t stop when you hit a speed bump. I learnt this in many ways. I have experienced numerous times where I was sure my heart had stopped beating; no pulse, no feeling. And yet, years later, here I stand. I’m alive, blood pulsing through my veins, air filling my lungs. If you would have told me this in those moments of darkness, I would have never believed you.
Night after night, I’ve cried until I was sure there were no tears left in me to escape my eyes. I’ve replayed events in my mind so many times they became like a movie to me. I have learnt that I can’t change the past, obviously. There’s no reason to dwell upon it though. Take the lessons you’ve learnt from that experience and keep going, with your head held high. I’m proud to say, I’m able to do this now. After years and years of misery, I can.
So, with this, I have concluded people are not brought into your life because you can’t live without them or you need them. They are brought into your life to teach you a lesson, help you discover something about yourself and who you truly are. And if they don’t make it into your future, that’s how it was meant to be. Please, don’t take me as dismissive of my past. I cherish my moments with the ones I’ve loved and lost, the times of pure joy and bliss where I felt there was nothing in this world that could damper my mood.
I’m not bitter anymore.
The first being this: Life is unfair. This one is the most prominent, I believe. In a person’s life, they go through many struggles. They give and yet receive nothing. They love to merely be rejected. They try so hard to achieve, and for what? Ever since I was young, I considered myself to have a lot of goals. As I got older, I realize now that these are not truly goals, but dreams. So I will classify them as just that, dreams. My goal, however, is to survive.
As I write this, in the silent winter air, I am reminded of you, the lost love that was taken from me. When I close my eyes at night, I hope you know you’re still with me in my dreams. I can hear your voice; though after two years of the silence, it’s beginning to get hazy. This scares me the most. I know I will never forget you, though it troubles me to know your voice isn’t as clear in my mind as it once was.
So, this is my vow: I vow never to place so much of myself in another person. I vow to never regret anything in my life, for it is those mistakes, those blunders, those careless decisions that made me who I am today.
The second thing that is quite obvious to me over my twenty-one years upon this earth is It goes on. Because it does, it’s as simple as that. Life doesn’t stop when you hit a speed bump. I learnt this in many ways. I have experienced numerous times where I was sure my heart had stopped beating; no pulse, no feeling. And yet, years later, here I stand. I’m alive, blood pulsing through my veins, air filling my lungs. If you would have told me this in those moments of darkness, I would have never believed you.
Night after night, I’ve cried until I was sure there were no tears left in me to escape my eyes. I’ve replayed events in my mind so many times they became like a movie to me. I have learnt that I can’t change the past, obviously. There’s no reason to dwell upon it though. Take the lessons you’ve learnt from that experience and keep going, with your head held high. I’m proud to say, I’m able to do this now. After years and years of misery, I can.
So, with this, I have concluded people are not brought into your life because you can’t live without them or you need them. They are brought into your life to teach you a lesson, help you discover something about yourself and who you truly are. And if they don’t make it into your future, that’s how it was meant to be. Please, don’t take me as dismissive of my past. I cherish my moments with the ones I’ve loved and lost, the times of pure joy and bliss where I felt there was nothing in this world that could damper my mood.
I’m not bitter anymore.