An Open Book
I Don't Give A Damn,
You and I have known each other since we were three months old. Your parents knew my aunt and we we're all invited to her BBQ. They had laid out the picnic blanket and laid us on it. Since then, we've been inseperable.
We went out once, but called it quits and still remained as close as before.
And now, fifteen years later. You told me you liked me, and I had already had a boyfriend that I had been in a relationship with for a year and a half. At that moment, I didn't like you like that, you we're my best friend and I didn't want to ruin it.
You kept persisting, and I kind of liked it. Even though I tried to squash these feelings, and it worked for a while.
Until one day my boyfriend kissed me while my eyes we're closed. The picture in my eyelids wasn't of him. It was of you. A smile broke out on my face for the moment that I thought I was kissing you, but it disappeared when I opened my eyes, and I realized that it was just a figment of my imagination.
Later that night, you told me you we're going to kiss me the next day. I debated myself in my head. I wasn't sure if you were going to go through it, so why worry? But then a part of me wanted you to do it. I could have told my boyfriend about it, and put a stop to the almost kiss right away. But I didn't want too.
I kept the kiss thing a secret, telling no one, aside from my best friend. The next day.. our break before morning classes passed, nothing happened. Our recess break passed, nothing happened. Then lunch break came. We were down to the convience store down the street from my school. I was drinking a blue slushie, and screamed when I got a brain freeze. You smirked at my best friend, and I didn't understand the signal.
You played a joke on me, saying something strange. You looked at me and placed your hand on one shoulder, then moved it to my neck and said, "Did you know that the distance between this shoulder to your neck is the same as the distance between that shoulder and that side of your neck." You said, moving your hand to the other side of my neck, moving it to the other shoulder. Little did I know that it was a trick just to get your arm around me.
We walked back to school, walking past the trees at the end of the drive, and you turned me around and kissed me.
After that, my feelings grew, and I felt so bad for still going out with a guy that I was loosing less and less feelings for. I broke up with him, and you waited all summer for me. And on September the sixth, you asked me to be your girlfriend, and I said yes.
To this day, we're still together. And I love him so much, but I can't help the thoughts that go through my head.
Am I good enough for you? Will you break up with me for any girl that's in this school?
You always tell me how you want to get married, and that you love me and only me. You keep telling me i'm beautiful when my mom yells at me for not having any self-esteem and you proceed to tell me i'm beautiful any other time.
These feelings.. i've never felt before. Not with my last boyfriend, not with anyone.
I don't know why I wrote this, but I just needed to tell someone who understood. My twin, Jayden (my best girl friend, even though we're not twins. We don't look alike, but we're the same personality) doesn't like him. My other friends.. don't understand. My bestest friend in the entire world, Cameron, knows we're happy and supports us. My friend since kindergarden, Elisabeth, will stick by me no matter what. Those are the only two who actually understand.
So I'll finish off this off. I love you. Sometimes so much that I can't bare to lose you. You tell me I'm beautiful when I'm in sweats and a t-shirt with my hair all over the place. You send me little texts when I'm sick to make sure I'm okay. We've been friends for so long, and now that were more, we act just the same. I can be myself, you torture me by tickling me, and I love your little brother. We spend our saturday nights watching movies and you pretend that it hurts when I hit you.
All in all, your mine and I'm yours.
I want it to stay that way.
Although I wish I could yell and curse at my friends and tell them to open their eyes to my feelings, and not keep them closed to only theres.
I just can't. I've known them and you since pre-school, and I can't lose them all so easily.
Eventually, I know I'll have to make a choice, but until then. I'll stay happy.
Although it may not seem like there's a secret in this note. There is. The secret is: I don't care what they think, and I don't give a fuck if they tell me I'm making a mistake. I know I'm not, and I don't care if they think I am. I need you, and I love you. They can't change it, no one can. Not my ex-boyfriend. Not my twin, who has replaced me. Not my parents, not anyone. That's the secret. Please, please, keep it.
We went out once, but called it quits and still remained as close as before.
And now, fifteen years later. You told me you liked me, and I had already had a boyfriend that I had been in a relationship with for a year and a half. At that moment, I didn't like you like that, you we're my best friend and I didn't want to ruin it.
You kept persisting, and I kind of liked it. Even though I tried to squash these feelings, and it worked for a while.
Until one day my boyfriend kissed me while my eyes we're closed. The picture in my eyelids wasn't of him. It was of you. A smile broke out on my face for the moment that I thought I was kissing you, but it disappeared when I opened my eyes, and I realized that it was just a figment of my imagination.
Later that night, you told me you we're going to kiss me the next day. I debated myself in my head. I wasn't sure if you were going to go through it, so why worry? But then a part of me wanted you to do it. I could have told my boyfriend about it, and put a stop to the almost kiss right away. But I didn't want too.
I kept the kiss thing a secret, telling no one, aside from my best friend. The next day.. our break before morning classes passed, nothing happened. Our recess break passed, nothing happened. Then lunch break came. We were down to the convience store down the street from my school. I was drinking a blue slushie, and screamed when I got a brain freeze. You smirked at my best friend, and I didn't understand the signal.
You played a joke on me, saying something strange. You looked at me and placed your hand on one shoulder, then moved it to my neck and said, "Did you know that the distance between this shoulder to your neck is the same as the distance between that shoulder and that side of your neck." You said, moving your hand to the other side of my neck, moving it to the other shoulder. Little did I know that it was a trick just to get your arm around me.
We walked back to school, walking past the trees at the end of the drive, and you turned me around and kissed me.
After that, my feelings grew, and I felt so bad for still going out with a guy that I was loosing less and less feelings for. I broke up with him, and you waited all summer for me. And on September the sixth, you asked me to be your girlfriend, and I said yes.
To this day, we're still together. And I love him so much, but I can't help the thoughts that go through my head.
Am I good enough for you? Will you break up with me for any girl that's in this school?
You always tell me how you want to get married, and that you love me and only me. You keep telling me i'm beautiful when my mom yells at me for not having any self-esteem and you proceed to tell me i'm beautiful any other time.
These feelings.. i've never felt before. Not with my last boyfriend, not with anyone.
I don't know why I wrote this, but I just needed to tell someone who understood. My twin, Jayden (my best girl friend, even though we're not twins. We don't look alike, but we're the same personality) doesn't like him. My other friends.. don't understand. My bestest friend in the entire world, Cameron, knows we're happy and supports us. My friend since kindergarden, Elisabeth, will stick by me no matter what. Those are the only two who actually understand.
So I'll finish off this off. I love you. Sometimes so much that I can't bare to lose you. You tell me I'm beautiful when I'm in sweats and a t-shirt with my hair all over the place. You send me little texts when I'm sick to make sure I'm okay. We've been friends for so long, and now that were more, we act just the same. I can be myself, you torture me by tickling me, and I love your little brother. We spend our saturday nights watching movies and you pretend that it hurts when I hit you.
All in all, your mine and I'm yours.
I want it to stay that way.
Although I wish I could yell and curse at my friends and tell them to open their eyes to my feelings, and not keep them closed to only theres.
I just can't. I've known them and you since pre-school, and I can't lose them all so easily.
Eventually, I know I'll have to make a choice, but until then. I'll stay happy.
Although it may not seem like there's a secret in this note. There is. The secret is: I don't care what they think, and I don't give a fuck if they tell me I'm making a mistake. I know I'm not, and I don't care if they think I am. I need you, and I love you. They can't change it, no one can. Not my ex-boyfriend. Not my twin, who has replaced me. Not my parents, not anyone. That's the secret. Please, please, keep it.