An Open Book
Why is it I can't let you go
Today was perfect. That moment was perfect.
Walking on the beach barefoot, with the sunset in perfect view. Its warm but not too much. I am eating ice cream, my favorite, Chocolate with brownie and listening to soft music on my i-pod.
My life has finally stopped moving so quickly, for once I feel hopeful, like the world is not against me.
My grades have gotten better, there is no drama amoung my friends, my mom decided not to leave, my family is back together like it used to be.
I have stopped hating myself, I have stopped causing myself pain, I have learned to go back to eating. To stop feeling like nothing. To stop crying at night.
I have finally let my best friend go; let him be with her. The girl he loves...and understand that I could never be that girl. I don't feel like yeling and bursting into tears everytime they kiss, they embrace. I don't hate them anymore. I have learned to move on.
Everything seems alright again. Like all my troubles, my problems, my issues, have left.
Like I have nothing to worry about anymore.
But that moment could not be perfect. My life can not be perfect because life is not suppose to be easy, to fall into place like that. Soemthing is always missing or broken.
And that's when I thought of you.
I haven't in a long time.
Before, you were all I thought about, All I cared about. I just wanted to be friends again, wanted you back in my life. And when you left, it completly broke me. The fact that after our friendship you could just ignore me like that, erase me so easily. I wish I could do that, forget about you like that. Because then I could have avoided the pain.
Why is that your memory came back to me today? When I was finally happy.
Why couldn't i just have enjoyed that moment? Simple, because I will never be able to forget about you. I may be able to push you to the back of my mind but you will always reappear.
And as crazy as it sounds, sometimes I can still hear your voice inside of me, giving me advice about something. Everytime I wear that jacket, I swear I can smell you on it. Like you have just hugged me only moments before.
Why is it that I can't let you go?
As chessy as it sounds, you are just like a tattoo.
Always there, reminding me of past memories.
When you were there for me...and I was in love with you...and how you broke my heart in two.
Walking on the beach barefoot, with the sunset in perfect view. Its warm but not too much. I am eating ice cream, my favorite, Chocolate with brownie and listening to soft music on my i-pod.
My life has finally stopped moving so quickly, for once I feel hopeful, like the world is not against me.
My grades have gotten better, there is no drama amoung my friends, my mom decided not to leave, my family is back together like it used to be.
I have stopped hating myself, I have stopped causing myself pain, I have learned to go back to eating. To stop feeling like nothing. To stop crying at night.
I have finally let my best friend go; let him be with her. The girl he loves...and understand that I could never be that girl. I don't feel like yeling and bursting into tears everytime they kiss, they embrace. I don't hate them anymore. I have learned to move on.
Everything seems alright again. Like all my troubles, my problems, my issues, have left.
Like I have nothing to worry about anymore.
But that moment could not be perfect. My life can not be perfect because life is not suppose to be easy, to fall into place like that. Soemthing is always missing or broken.
And that's when I thought of you.
I haven't in a long time.
Before, you were all I thought about, All I cared about. I just wanted to be friends again, wanted you back in my life. And when you left, it completly broke me. The fact that after our friendship you could just ignore me like that, erase me so easily. I wish I could do that, forget about you like that. Because then I could have avoided the pain.
Why is that your memory came back to me today? When I was finally happy.
Why couldn't i just have enjoyed that moment? Simple, because I will never be able to forget about you. I may be able to push you to the back of my mind but you will always reappear.
And as crazy as it sounds, sometimes I can still hear your voice inside of me, giving me advice about something. Everytime I wear that jacket, I swear I can smell you on it. Like you have just hugged me only moments before.
Why is it that I can't let you go?
As chessy as it sounds, you are just like a tattoo.
Always there, reminding me of past memories.
When you were there for me...and I was in love with you...and how you broke my heart in two.
♠ ♠ ♠
~Millie