An Open Book

I'm your typical good girl, but I seem to attract all the asshole's in my life. Last summer I made one of the biggest mistakes I ever could have. I had a good friend who was head over heels in love with a guy who I'll call Tom. Tom and I got to talking through myspace, and I eventually started to have feeling for him as well. To make a short story out of it, I slept with him, multiple times. I never told my friend... but somehow she found out. Its supposedly all my fault even though it takes two to cheat. I was desperate for attention, anyone's attention, and he was older and told me he loved me... How could I say no? She doesn't talk to me anymore except to call me a slut in passing. I know what I did was wrong and I regret hurting her... and myself in the long run. I was nothing more than a notch on his bedpost, and I hate it.

I feel like I'm going through the same thing now. I'm still hopelessly in love with my first love who I'll call Patrick. We were together for a year and a half pre-Tom and we broke up simply because I didn't know what I wanted. He's with someone now but we talk every day. He says I make him happier than his current girlfriend. He wants sex. He badgers me for dirty pictures, and I'm weak enough to give them to him. I'm scared I'm only going to be used again, but I don't know if i could ever turn him down. He was my first everything.

I wish I could live and learn,
Forever Cheater.