It Hurts in the Worst Way

The smallest little sound of rustling paper was enough to wake me from my light dreamless sleep. It took me a moment to figure out where I was on the bed, how I was laying and what was holding me; which was Craig. I peaked one of my eyes open to see him, his head still resting on my shoulder and his arms around me. Still just the way he had fallen asleep after he cried himself out…

I looked away from him to see the night time nurse that took over for Sarah standing at the end of my bed, with my chart in her hands and looking at us in a ‘awe, what a sweet couple’ look. She smiled softly and placed my chart in the holder at the end of the bed. I don’t think she has noticed I had one of my eyes open. She turned looking at us sweetly again before leaving the room.

I watched as she left before looking at Craig again. Sweet as this may look, the reason why were lying like this isn’t so sweet.

It hurt so much to see Craig like that…It really, really did. And it also hurt knowing that all I could do was just hold him as he cried himself out. Sure, that was probably a good thing for him to let his emotions out…But it was hard to see it. Very hard.

I sighed quietly and moved one of my arms from around him to push the hair that was on the side of my face away. That was probably why the nurse couldn’t see that I was awake.
I woke up easily because I wasn’t letting myself sleep well in case Craig woke up. I didn’t want to let him be alone in anyway at the moment, unless he told me he wanted to.

I moved my arm back so it was around him again. He still didn’t move, apart from his chest with his breathing. I looked out across the slightly lit room and let myself zone out. There wasn’t much else I could do while I held Craig as he slept.

I think everything that has been happening to him just built up to where he couldn’t handle it. He is on tour, he lost his cousins, his best friend; got sick, passed out and in hospital. He is very strong to last this long, I would have cracked fully ages ago. Without a doubt.

I just wish I could help him more, make him better and happy again. But isn’t that what all friends want to do for their friends? I just want to see him smile happily again…

All of a sudden, completely out of nowhere the room phone rang. Somehow, I don’t know how, I managed not to jump in fright. I moved away from Craig carefully and reached over to pick it up quickly before it woke him up. Who the hell would be ringing up at this time? There is only four people that know the room number…

“Hello?” I said into the phone quietly.

I glanced at Craig to make sure he was still asleep, he was luckily.

“Hey Claire, sorry if I woke you.” Monte’s voice came over the line.
“No, it’s ok. I was already awake.” I said quickly before he could saying anything else about waking me up.
“Oh ok…Um, you wouldn’t know where Craig is do you? He never came back to the bus last night.”
“It right here, sleeping.” I said softly.

I heard him let out a huge breath of relief. Everyone is worried about him.

“That’s good, I was getting worried because none of us was sure if he was planning to come back to the bus last night.”
“Yeah well…It a long story…” I kinda trailed off not sure what to say.

What can I say, actually really; what should I say?

“Long story?” He asked sounding confused.
I sighed.
“Well did you notice him being upset yesterday?” I whispered.
“Yeah, it was hard not to notice actually…” He trailed off this time.

I took a close look at Craig checking to see of he was still asleep. His breathing was the same as before; deep and calm. He eyes were shut with a half peaceful look on his face. Yep; he’s still asleep.

I sighed again. It’s better to tell the others what happened, they would find out sooner or later anyway and there is no need to keep them in the dark about it.

“What’s the best way to explain this,” I said more to myself. “Craig kinda broke down last night and cried himself to sleep in my arms.” I whispered quickly to keep quiet.

Monte was quiet for a moment.

“Oh.” He mumbled.

I don’t think he knew what to say. Neither did I. It was quiet for a few moments. I think Max and Rob were either quiet or asleep too, I couldn’t hear them in the background on the end of the line. If Max was there he would have said something to me by now.

“He is still asleep.” I mumbled after a while of watching Craig sleep.
“Yeah, I don’t think he hasn’t slept much lately.”

I nod my head agreeing though Monte couldn’t see it.

“Yeah, same here.”

We were quiet once again for a short while before I heard Monte sigh, by the sounds he didn’t get much sleep last night either. In a way it’s amazing how close we all are; just like a family.

“Well I’m going to wake and tell the others now, will you and Craig be ok there?”
“I think we’ll be fine. I’m gonna let Craig sleep longer, I’ll keep an eye on him."
“Ok, if you need us; call. And if you have your test today before we get there, good luck with it.”
“Thankyou and I will if I need too.”
“See ya sis.”
“Bye Monte.”

I placed the phone down as I hear the called end on the other line. I let out a long breath. That in a way, was a weird and hard phone call.

I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them again. I moved back next to Craig, kinda how I was laying before. I took one of his hands in mine and closed my eyes lightly.

*~*~*

We both laid still; me with my eyes shut and Craig asleep for about 2 hours I think. It was quiet and almost peaceful….Well sort of. I moved a little and rolled so I was flat on my back, my back was starting to hurt from how I was lying before. This bed isn’t the softest.

Suddenly Craig moved too. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He coughed a little and moved a bit. Slowly his eyes fluttered open. Shit I hope I didn’t wake him at all.

He looked around a little before he looked at me. His face was somewhat unreadable. I kept my face calm, caring and friendly. I tried to hide how worried I was…Though I have no idea if that was working. Probably not, knowing me.

“Morning.” I said quietly.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say, I mentally slapped myself for that.

“Hey Claire.” He said just as quiet rubbing one of his eyes.

When he moved his hand away he placed his arm around my waist, moving a slight but closer. I smiled softly and kissed his cheek.

“Sorry…” He whispered.

I looked at him confused.

“Sorry for what?”
“Last night…I just-”

I shook my head which cut him off.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I smiled lightly. “I know you under a lot of pressure and…Such. I understand.” I said simply not wanted to drag too much stuff back up.

Craig managed to give me a slight smile.

“Thankyou, for being here.”
“You’re welcome, anytime!” I smiled.

He gave be a bit more of a smile, but didn’t last long. He looked away from me then at the bed.

“This bed is hard.” He mumbled obviously changing the subject.
“Yeah, it is.” I chuckled stretching out a little. “If you want we could…Go for a walk of something.” I suggested.

He looked thoughtful before shaking his head.

“No, I just want to stay here…With you.”

I smiled at him and he looked up at me in the eyes. Both of our gazes locked there, locked into each others eyes.