Catch Me When I Fall

"Blair?" Nick asked me from across the dinner table. I looked up from my plate and saw him staring at me with his chocolate colored eyes. My stomach still felt sick from the phone call earlier, not enjoying the news I had heard.

"Hmm?" I mumbled to him.

"What's wrong? You haven't talked since you woke up. "

"Nothing," I whispered, but when I whispered it, it just made it seem more like a something. Nick just brushed it away, most likely thinking to himself that he'd deal with it later. I kept switching my gaze from my plate to the dining room table over to the clock on the wall and then back to my plate. I could feel Nick's eyes on me the whole time, waiting for me to tell him out of guilt of not saying something earlier. But, that wasn't going to happen.

"I just," Nick began, I looked up at him, waiting for him to finish. "I just want to know that you're okay, Blair. I care about you so much that it's killing me right now to not know what you're thinking. I know I might seem like I'm trying to pry it out of you just so that I can know, but I just want to know everything is fine."

I nodded and looked up at him through my eyelashes. His eyes were glazed over, and his mouth was drawn into a straight line. I know that he wanted to know and that he deserved to know, but I couldn't bring myself to let him worry about this. I know he has the right to worry about me, but this was too much to worry about.

"I'm fine, Nick. Everything will be fine," I whispered out loud, my voice failing to not break at the end. I was slowly breaking down, and I didn't know how much longer my wall would hold, but I needed it to. At least for a couple more days. I needed to know more about everything before I let Nick in on the details. I promise that I'll tell him in a couple of days.

* * * * *

"Can you tell Aunt Blair what you did today, Luke?" Taryn asked in a high pitched voice, also what she calls her 'mommy voice'. I didn't know if Luke liked it, but I know that I wouldn't if she talked to me like that 24/7. I thought it was obnoxious, as did Joe. But the only difference was that he has to deal with it day in and day out. I only had to listen to it one day each week for five hours maximum.

"Taryn, he can't talk yet," Joe mumbled from the couch in the living room. I silently laughed, watching as Taryn rolled his eyes at him. I idolized their marriage, and hoped that everything would be the same for Nick and I. Joe and Taryn has been through thick and thin together, and even if they fought, they always made up in the end. They hadn't really had such a huge disagreement that slept in different rooms though, other than the whole mishap months after they met. That was the last time anything that irrational had happened, and we were all grateful for that.

"But anyways," Taryn continued in her 'mommy voice', "today Luke went for a long stroller ride, and a butterfly came on landed right on his little arm! He was so happy. And then him and Mommy went and got some ice cream, and little Luke loved his ice cream! Didn't you, Luke?" Luke started smiling and giggling, looking up at his mommy with so much love in his eyes. Nick always joked about how Luke would always be a mommy's boy and would never give his father the time of day, but we all knew that that wasn't true. Nick still said it, though, to get to Joe's head, and it always did.

"Aw, it sounds like you and Luke had fun today," I smiled down at Luke. His dark wavy hair was finally starting to come in, and his light brown eyes were wide open, waiting for something new and exciting.

"Yeah. So what's been going on with you lately, Blair? You seem quiet today, and that is very rare..." Of course Taryn would notice. Nothing could get by her. I made sure Nick and Joe were out of hearing distance, seeing them in the living room twenty feet away playing a stupid video game and yelling out random things. They got too into that game.

"Uhm, it's back," I whispered. I looked up at Taryn and saw her eyes full of confusion. I didn't blame her, though. When I first found out, we were only in tenth grade. And now it was four years into the future. Surely we couldn't remember everything about each other, no matter how close we were.

"What re you talking about, Blair?" Taryn asked in a shaky voice. I could tell that the realization was slowly kicking in and that she was becoming more and more aware of what I was talking about.

"You know what I'm talking about, Taryn. It's back. I got the call yesterday morning. There's nothing I can do about it."

"No," Taryn said while starting to shake her head, "No. It can't be back. It can't be. The doctors said that it was gone. They said it was gone for at least twenty years. It's barely been five."

"Michelle called and said it was back. My tests from my last visit showed signs of it," I whimpered, the tears finally starting to fall. I didn't want to believe it, either, but I needed to. We all couldn't be healthy and have a perfect life.

"Does Nick know?" She asked as she looked at me with stern eyes, waiting for the truth. I felt my lip quiver as I shook my head 'no'.

"When do you have your next appointment?"

"Two days. On Tuesday."

"I'm coming with you, okay? You can't go through it all alone, and I know you're not going to tell Nick by then. I'm here for you, Blair."

I nodded and rested my head on her shoulder, automatically feeling safe. Taryn was my best friend, my security blanket, the one who knew every little thing about me. She wouldn't let me go through anything on my own , and she was always there for me. She was the best friend I could ask for.

"But, you really have to tell Nick soon, Blair. I know that it's going to kill you to tell him, but you need to. He deserves to know. No matter how upset either one of you might be." I nodded, knowing she was right. Taryn was always right.

"I know. I will, trust me. I will soon."

"Okay, you better. Or else I'm telling him for you, and I don't want to have to do that, and I know you don't want me to, either. I'll see you on Tuesday. Bye," She told me, and gave me a small best friend kiss on the cheek, then proceeded to put Luke's jacket on and tell Joe it was time to leave. I still couldn't believe how much she had grown up in the past two years, and I was so happy for her. I know she loved her life and would never change it, and I was glad that she was finally happy. She deserved to be happy.

As I waved goodbye to Joe and Taryn and Luke, I felt Nick's arm wrap around my waist and pull me close. Once their car was out of sight, Nick leaned down to press his lips against my temple. "I love you," he whispered to me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, making my voice sound as normal as possible and not broken and shaky like it should sound. "I love you, too."