I Want This Forever.

"So. Mrs. Haner-"

"Mrs. Haner is my mother-in-law, Izzy is fine." I nodded as Dr. Trent smiled at me.

"Izzy." He started "What exactly have you been seeing, darling?"

I sighed, the fifteenth psychiatrist and they all start with the same questions. I took a deep breath "A thing. In my closet." The problem was that, to get to the bottom of this, I needed to let them know why I was afraid of the closet in the first place. But that was out of the question, because that would involve the law, and I had already faced that. Yes, I did. It was discussed, filed as self defense, and stocked away never to be dug up again. Until now.

"The closet?" He asked, looking at his papers "And why Mrs.-" He caught my death glare "Izzy. And why Izzy, may I inquire, do you believe you're paranoid about closets?"

I huffed, tucking some of my hair behind my ear "If I knew, do you think I'd be sitting here?" I asked, beginning to stand up.

"You tell me." He stared at me, a certain... sincerity in his icey blue eyes. A certain sincerity that screamed run you fucking moron, RUN! So I stood up.

"Thanks for your time, here's your check," I handed him the pre-written check. I knew it wasn't going to work out. None of them did "Nothing personal, I just don't believe you can help me."

"Izzy, what are you running from?" He asked, my hand lingered over the door handle "You can tell me. It's all confidential, unless it's harmfull to you or you're harming someone else, I am bound by the law to keep my trap shut." He laughed a little "I'm the wall, you throw the bouncy ball against it and talk. Just talk, I listen. I can't tell anyone."

I turned, a first. "I killed my cousin, because he raped and beat me. His dad murdered my father, and we all suspect he was behind my mother's car accident too." I leaned against the door "Don't worry, we've already been up and down the law enforcement wall about the deaths. They know, it won't be brought up again execpt now."

"Why are you afraid of the closet?" He asked, his face truly confused.

"I killed him, listened to him die, and shoved his mangled body into the closet. In Vegas, and left. My then fiance, now husband, and his friends, and dad, were out looking for me. They picked me up on the highway. I've never been able to look at closets, as corny as it sounds, the same again. A few years ago, when my daughter Elizabeth was alive, we lived in Chicago away from her father, again he was my fiance back then. They popped in for a visit, my roomies thought it would be cute and they hid in random areas of the house. One. One was the closet. I screamed and freaked, I don't believe they know, even to this day, why it freaked me out. Of course I told them about where I put him, but Maria isn't the brightest bulb in the factory and wouldn't have put two and two together, y'know?" I asked.

"When Elizabeth was alive?" He asked "What happened? And please, sit." He gestured to the couch.

"I'm more comfortable standing, if that's ok." I looked him in the eyes and he shrugged.

"To each her own. Now, what happened Izzy?" He asked as he jotted things down on his notepad.

"Well she was shot when she was six years old. My husband's ex girlfriend is insane, and in jail now. She came in and, apparently not intending to inflict actually pain on anyone, put a gun to my baby girl's head." I fought back tear "She begged Brian to come back to her, or else she'd shoot. I walked down the stairs and saw, we all freaked. Brian and I were being calm, and I believe everything was going to go alright. Then Brian's friend busted in the house-"

"Without knocking?" He asked "Sorry... I interrupted." It looked like he mentally slapped himself.

I laughed. "It's ok. Interruptions are alright, it makes me feel more... comfortable. And yeah, no knocking. That? What's that?" I laughed "Knocking's unheard of in our family, or group of friends. So he busts in, scares the shit out of Michelle, Brian's ex, and she fires the gun." I bit my lip "My little girl died infront of me. The funeral sucked, I broke down and Matt and Zack had to carry me off. I went crazy for a while."

"Do you feel more sane now?" He asked, looking up at me momentarilly.

I shrugged "I truthfully believe that sane is a relative term." He looked up, confused "I mean... different people have different views of sane. I believe I've never been sane to this world's standards. But my friends and I are all the same, we're all loud and abnoxious. That's normal to us, but to outsiders it's..."

"Crazy." He laughed.

"Precisely." I smiled "But yah. In my mind, things have gotten better. I wouldn't have survived without Brian."

"Your husband. Am I correct?" He asked.

"Yep, we've been together since freshman year in highschool." I Smiled "Engaged for... seven years?"

"Wow. Rule of thumb, seven years is married." He laughed.

"I know. But we made it paper legal."

"Was Elizabeth around at the wedding?" He asked.

I nodded "Yeah, she was killed a month or a little less, later." I took a step forward and began slowly walking the distance between the walls, pacing if you will "It hit everyone, they all loved her as if she was a part of each of them. Brian and I... we leaned on eachother so much. I think that's why it was so quick, but we still aren't exactly over it."

"You have a son? Right?" He asked.

"Yes, Josh." I smiled and lunged for my purse, out of the corner of my eye I could see him chuckle "He's a fiesty bugger, just like his daddy." I pulled the picture from my wallet and placed it in Dr. Trent's hands "My little crunch muffin."

"Crunch what?" He laughed "He's a sweet little baby."

"Crunch muffin, don't ask. Thanks. I should bring him in sometime.."

"Sometime?" He asked, I nodded "So you're coming back?"

"Well... this was kind of nice. Nice to have someone to just... throw words at and not worry if it'll offend you." I laughed.

"My job." He smiled "I love it. Especially when it works, like this. Unfourtunately, it seems our time is up, Izzy. But I'll see you next week alright? Give that little munchkin a tight hug ok? And if you have any problems, anything you do need to talk about, don't hesitate to call ok? I'm in the office from Six AM until Ten PM." He smiled and walked me to the door.

"Thanks." I smiled and shook his hand "I'll see you next week..."

"You can bring Josh, or even Brian. If you're comfortable." He smiled sincerely.

"Thank you. You're the first therapist I've actually spent more than ten seconds in the office with. Usually the first question is the same, then I leave because it never helps. But you got me with the confidentiality thing."

"It's code." He laughed.

"And like I said, we've already dealt with the law on all of that. So there's no need to dig up old files... or at least spread them around. Purely for your own viewing, sure. But don't mass mail it." I Laughed.

"See you next week, Izzy." He laughed and waved as I walked.

"SEe ya'."

I sighed and walked to the lobby, pulling out my cell to call Brian to pick me up. He insisted to drive me, he was afraid of me driving. He was over protective... I sighed and put the phone to my ear. Was it weird I was looking forward to having someone new to talk to?