Mr Right

My lungs yearned for fresh air so I made my way outside to a peaceful remote area hidden away from the bubbly, busy atmosphere of homecoming. Slipping my heels off and looping their straps through my fingers I carried the shoes in one hand while grasping my dress lifting it above ankles to avoid been draped across the grass and dirt. Throbbing in relief my feet thanked me for finally walking on flat ground after struggling with the steep incline they had been trapped in for hours. The grass felt cool when curling between my toes, the soft breeze grazing small goose bumps across my bare, exposed shoulders. The night was cool in temperature yet a stunning, breathtaking picture to frame. The moon, a shining silver disc illuminating the sky; stars sprinkled like diamonds. The view was successful in easing me into peace and tranquillity. When I peeled my eyes away from the grand sky I took in my surroundings at eyelevel, the silhouette of a body outline caught my eye. Usually I would sneak back inside while I still had an opportunity to escape the awkwardness of a conversation explaining why I was ditching the colourful atmosphere of homecoming for the pitch black outside alone. Tonight felt different, the thrill of putting a face to the silhouette and chatting with practically a stranger overcoming me. With each step approaching the figure I grew more nervous and excited, my stomach felt like a fizzy soft drink bubbling.
In sudden panic the figure must’ve sensed my presence turning their head to gain awareness of their surroundings, the body tensed prepared to defend when looking directly at me. I stopped dead in my tracks not wanting to frighten them, my eyes fighting the dark to see whose company I was in the presence of. It was hopeless in the pitch black so in a low whisper I reassured the stranger, “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. Its only me.” I cringed at my stupidity after comprehending how the dark was problematic in impairing vision. Therefore if I couldn’t see the stranger then they couldn’t see me meaning they’d not know who “me” was I clarified, “It’s Madison.

“Madison?! What are you doing out here by yourself?” the voice hissed, I’d recognise it anywhere.

“I was just coming out here to look at the stars. They’re so pretty.” I admired eyeing the bright dazzling of the sky.

“ You can’t just come out here by yourself in the middle of the night… and better yet, be friendly to strangers giving them your name!”

I shook my head at the contradiction of the scolding, “Well why not, Josh? You’re out here by yourself…”

“It’s different.” he insisted.

“Explain to me how it would be different if a stranger pinned you with a knife out here to if it happened to me. From what I understand we’d both be at equal risk of dying…” I pointed out.

Josh sighed knowing how stubborn I was, “Still, you shouldn’t be out here!” he concluded. When he finally calmed down from the scare he asked, “You didn’t tell me why you were really out here?”

Josh didn’t buy my bullshit of looking at the stars, even in the black of the night without reading my face he could sense my mood. Now it was my turn to sigh, disappointment seeping through my pores to be exhaled with my stale air, “I just needed some fresh air, it is getting crowded in there.” My shoulders slumped as I rolled my eyes at the irony of my statement, the hall was crowded with masses of people from my grade with their dates yet I felt so lonely in there.

“I know what you mean.” he agreed gloomily.
Suddenly I felt worried for Josh, “Are you okay?” I reached for his hand despite the difficulty in the dark, wrapping my two hands around his one for warmth and comfort.

“Yeah of course. I’m going to head back inside.” his tone was strained as he yanked his hand from mine before heading back towards the light up homecoming hall.

Quickly gathering my dress so I didn’t trip or dirty it I tried to gracefully run after Josh not being able to catch him with swollen feet, “Oh come on Josh! I know you’re not fine. What’s up?”

He paused turning towards me shrugging while I attempted to catch up to him, “Nothing, I’m just having trouble with Rosie.” he confessed before turning on his heel and hastily walking away before I made it to him.

“Well-“

I was quickly cut off and ignored, “I don’t want to talk about it.” he tossed over his shoulder before disappearing back inside the sea of people enjoying Homecoming.

Placing my shoes on the ground in front of me I forced my feet back into the heels despite their swollen protest to stay on flat ground. I then folded my arms across my chest, paralysed in the same spot watching Josh take his seat by Rosie. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t recognised the outline of Josh before, he was the boy perched against the chair with a girl seated below him in the pale pink dress, who I figured was Rosie. He looked so grown up in his light grey suit, he’d not only grown up but toned up which were details I had previously been oblivious to. I watched Josh now, seated beside Rosie in silence with his eye fixated on her like she was the only person in that room whilst she engaged in conversation with the rest of the table barely acknowledging his existence. It was the strangest scenario to witness, Josh’s face contorted in pain and passion, Rosie’s masked with a façade of content. I felt like an intruder watching a play’s rehearsal before the polished, final production. This was a scene that was best hidden behind the red curtains; it was something I felt I wasn’t supposed to witness.

I cursed Rosie for currently hurting Josh though was fully aware of my role as an audience member, to sit and watch the play unfold. It was none of my business to intrude as much as I yearned to do so in order to protect Josh. The pained expression on his face at that precise moment had me wishing so badly I could stop his hurting; it was an odd but strong powerful yearning that overcame me. The next thing I witnessed was Josh plea with Rosie for something; she finally addressed him looking him dead in the eye to show her face looking like a portrait of sadness and adoration. She kissed him on the lips softly then pulled away to stare at him intently like he had previously done with her. Almost all the soft, gentle looks and gesture that had been shared between the two, Josh suddenly jerked his head down so his eyes were staring at the floor. The movement so harsh and quick like the ripping of a piece of paper. I cringed but before I could watch any further a voice I recognised brought me back to reality. The voice was low, muffled and distant hidden away behind a wall currently conversing with another voice that was unfamiliar.
“Man, I still can’t believe you did it.” the stranger enthused while their company chuckled, “No seriously dude, you’re a legend for talking her into going with you. No one saw it coming.”

Pride swelling in the familiar voice I identified as Jake’s, “I know, that’s why YOU are paying ME.”

A groan escaped the stranger’s lips “Yeah, Yeah I know. I lost. How much do I owe you?”

I sighed while remaining hidden on the other side of the wall to continue eavesdropping on their conversation. So it was true, I really was a part of some stupid bet. A small tear slid down my right cheek as my eyes watered in disappointment. Anger washed through me for disillusioning myself into believing Jake was interested in me for the right reasons aside from money but before I could blame myself I focused on what else the boys had to say.

“One hundred bucks and you know it.” Arrogance coating Jake’s voice, “Better than Gradling who owes me One fifty. Oh I’m making big money tonight!”

“You may have won money but you still can’t win back Katie.” the voice taunted Jake.

“Shut up dickhead. By the end of tonight she’ll be going crazy for me after seeing me here with Madison all night.”

In response the stranger scoffed, “I’ve barely seen you with her, you sat with her for five minutes. I still don’t know whether I should be paying you yet.”

“She arrived with me!” Jake defended.

“Yeah, but will she leave with you?” they retorted with the challenge.

“Of course she will, and Katie will be sorry for not taking me back.”

This time I couldn’t ignore the cocktail of fury, humiliation and disappointment stirring within me. The riot of emotions was pulsing through my bloodstream and there was absolutely nothing to distract me from these disturbing feelings. There was no chance in hell I could maintain composure; this ‘blindfold’ I had created and used in the past to keep me calm and in denial about their stupid games was no longer working. I had been pushed and beaten around for too long. No longer could I tolerate being ridiculed, my life was not a sick little game that determined loses and wins of money from absurd bets! Madison Dialous did not degrade herself to be a rebound or rather some boy’s bait to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. A smile graced my face as I metaphorically set myself free from their humiliating games by ripping the corsage Jake had given me off my wrist. Standing tall and proud I walked back inside the hall, stepping on the flower with my heels on my way back in. The soft delicate petals flattened pathetically against the ground, the flower limp and torn apart. It was then I bumped into Helena and Garrett.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you” Helena enthused.

Garrett with genuine curiosity questioned,“Where is Jake?”

Helena suddenly frowned at my dates absence, “I haven’t seen you two all night.”

I shrugged carelessly, “I think he is outside…”

My answer was discomforting to Helena and Garrett, their faces washed with concern. “It doesn’t matter though, it was pretty stupid and delusional of me to think someone like Jake could be my match.” I confessed to assure them I wasn’t as bothered by my date’s absence as I should’ve been. Garrett raised an eyebrow in surprise before shooting me a small smile then looking at Helena with a small smirk. Her eyes lit up in response and a similar smirk sneaked upon her face.

I snapped my fingers in between their faces to draw their attention to my puzzled self, “Hey! You two! What is that look mean?”

“Nothing” they both answered simultaneously while shrugging their shoulders. They were both terrible liars considered their stupid matching smirks were still planted on their faces. Eyeing them suspiciously I racked my brain for any ideas as to what they were alluding to; I had no idea but knew they had no intention of enlightening me.

“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to the bathroom to touch up my make up.” Helena excused herself turning on her heel before adding the offer, “Did you want to come, Mads?”

I politely declined, “No thanks, I already touched up before.”

With that she was gone leaving me with Garrett. “You okay?” he asked me once Helena had disappeared.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?!” I answered honestly confused as to why he was questioning my wellbeing.

He shrugged casually, “Just checking Jake being a douche hasn’t bothered you…”

I swallowed the lump in my throat then took a fresh breath of air, “It bothered me. He was a disappointment but I don’t want it to ruin my night y’know? I’m still having a good time.” a small smile creeping onto my face while Garrett nodded understandingly. His eyes moving away from me to a yellow blur that was Helena weaving through a crowd of people. Garrett muttered to himself with a cringe on his face “Here’s the part of the night where I have to look like a complete dork.”
I frowned at him not knowing what his statement meant, he answered my silent question, “I can’t dance to save my life! I’m cursed with two left feet.” he sighed while I chuckled at his misfortune.
Before Helena could approach us Garrett returned his gaze back to me, “Mads, could you do me a favour?”

I nodded not knowing what to expect but willing to consider his request.

“Could you maybe check on Josh for me? Make sure he is alright?”

Before I could question the situation responsible for making my best friend extremely moody and desolate tonight Helena had returned linking her arm around Garrett.
“Want to dance?” Garrett asked Helena knowing very well she would accept.
With the blink of an eye the pair had disappeared onto the dance floor, Garrett looking uncomfortable at first before settling down to be mesmerized by the sight of Helena dancing which was extremely elegant like a butterfly in her flowing silk lemon gown. Her body gently swaying as she wore a million smiles of joy on her face, her aura hypnotising Garrett as his eyes praised her with adoration following the smooth, natural movement of her hips. I envied what I witnessed in front of me, a simple loving bond between two people. I yearned for someone’s eyes to look at me with the compassion and desire like Garrett’s did for Helena. I wanted a friend and a lover.

My eyes left the dance floor drifting to the sets of tables where conveniently sitting alone at one of the tables looking miserable was Josh. I was in a pretty good mood considering my date turned out to be an absolute jerk so comforting Josh wasn’t really my idea of fun but I had promised Garrett and besides, Josh was my best friend-it was my duty to look out for him. Taking in a deep breath I braced myself for the negativity I was sure to envelop myself in by being in Josh’s presence. Focusing on all the feeling of optimism and freedom I had created by dismissing Jake and refusing to deceive myself any longer I approached Josh.

“As your best friend, it is my duty to tell you the truth. The truth is…that face you’re pulling right now, this face,” I mimicked his face with extra dramatisation and emphasis so I looked ridiculous, “is not one bit attractive. It reminds me a little of your year three school photo actually, where you got the shits with the photographer for tidying your cool spiky hair into a comb over.” I teased attempting to lighten the mood and melt the frown on his face.

All I earned was a half smile that formed a small curve like a tug on his cheek. It was pathetic and depressing. “Oh come on Josh! Lighten up a little!” I enthused desperate to cheer him up. “Tell me what is it that could be so bad it has caused the return of the cranky year three Joshua look?”

He sighed weakly, “Look Madison, I know you’re trying to help but you’re not the person I want to be discussing this with.”

Automatically a frown formed on my face and I took offence, “You can’t discuss this with your best friend?”

He kept his ocean blue eyes on the floor while he glided his fingers through his mousy brown hair. He seemed somewhat pained by my reaction, tensing at the hurt underlying my tone. “It’s complex, Madison.”

“And it is my job to uncomplicate it Josh.” I persisted. I wanted for him to open up and talk to me so badly. All my previous arrogant thoughts of caring about my elated mood more than Josh’s pessimism had faded; my number one priority was to fix him.

Suddenly he looked me dead in the eye, his eyes veiled with a dull grey and his cheeks flushed of colour. He looked pale and distraught, “Rosie broke up with me.”

“Wow. I’m sorry, I…well, I didn’t see that coming.” It surprised me slightly; I never knew there were problems between the two until tonight when I witnessed their previous ‘scene’.

“I knew you wouldn’t.” he said hopelessly. His eyes drifted towards the dance floor and remained fixed on Helena and Garrett once landing on the pair. I moved my eyes to follow Josh’s watching the pair though occasionally alternating to check on Josh even though his expression did not change from the one of hurt he wore. When sitting there observing Helena and Garrett the yearning for desire overcame me yet again.
I wanted a friend and a lover. that same thought embedded within me.

My eyes flicked back to Josh as I studied his side profile, a portrait of flawed perfection, he was at best a beautiful mess. All those rumours, presumptions and ideas of Josh and I as an item were floating in my head causing me to question my previous belief of us as just friends. What if they were right? What if it was meant to be Josh and I here tonight all along? What if he was my friend and lover?

Josh obviously felt my gaze upon him as he moved his eyes from Garrett and Helena to look at me, wondering what I was staring at. A sudden impulse buzzed through me, all rationality and over analysed thoughts pushed to the back of my mind as I suddenly cupped his cheeks with my hands pushing my lips to his. I put all my energy and passion into the kiss, hoping to breathe life and colour back into Josh. My heart rate increased and adrenaline rushed through me from the thrill of the act. I visualised his cheeks flushing a shade of pink and his eyes dazzling their bright mesmerising, vibrant blue. I imagined his heart dancing and every fibre in his skin feeling electric.
I finally pulled away from the kiss, slowly leaning back in my seat to absorb what had just happened. Josh’s face had shock plastered across it, not the response I was searching for. His eyes still veiled with grey were now wide and his mouth slightly parted as he was rendered speechless. The initial fears of rejection and the awkward consequences I should’ve felt or considered before the kiss were kicking in now, a little too late for my liking. We sat there absorbed in our thick and heavy silence even though our surroundings of homecoming were noisy and boisterous.
“Madison.” he barely whispered still in a paralysed state of shock.

My breathing had increased as I hurriedly inhaled and exhaled feeling extremely anxious and uncomfortable. Scattering through my brain for something to say was hopeless; I was at a loss for words. A lump forming in my throat and my lips dry, I could feel my cheeks beginning to flush crimson and a nervous rash was creeping up around my neck.

Josh blinked his eyes rapidly, open and shut, open and shut. I was sure he was under the impression this was a dream seen as the circumstances were close to incredulous. He shook his head knowing this was reality he was dealing with, “I…I can’t do this.” he stuttered while his forehead creased in confusion.

“I-“ I began even though I had no idea how to explain myself.

“Rosie.” He could barely structure sentences properly, this kiss throwing him completely into the unexpected. After taking a minute to pause and think how to explain himself he elaborated using a low voice, “I still like Rosie.”

I stood up ready to leave the table before I could humiliate myself anymore but it was obviously too late. In the spilt second I looked up standing across the other side of the room was a very confused, humiliated and shocked Jake, his eyes fixed on me. I quickly broke the eye contact with him moving them away only to see Garrett and Helena had been watching Josh’s and my kiss as well. I closed my eyes cringing at the situation unfolding, people had watched my rejection… Any dignity I had walked away with when ditching Jake had been lost. It felt like I had been spat on, Jake catching me betray him only to be let down…it was horrid. A sick feeling overcame me, there was an urgent need for me to suddenly puke as the contents in my stomach were unsettled ready to reappear at any minute. I felt a hand below circle around my wrist tugging me back down to the seat. The movement was quick and sudden making my stomach churn though I was fairly thankful seen as my head had started to feel light and dizzy whilst standing. “Madison,” Josh said softly, he hand on the side of my face as he turned my head to gain eye contact with me, “Wow.” his eyebrows furrowed, worry written in his expression, “Are you alright? You’ve gone really pale.”
I nodded not daring to speak in case I was sick right then and there, this was my worst nightmare.
Suddenly Josh snaked an arm around me to help support and stable me onto my own two feet. He guided me towards outside the hall, of course not before Jake could interfere. Jake obstructed Josh’s and my path, jealousy evident through the green envy gleaming in his eyes. “What do you think you are you doing with MY date?” Jake’s voice cold as if he were spitting venom at Josh.

“Move out of the way, Jake.” Josh’s impatience clear and obvious in both his tone and body language.

Right as Jake moved an intimidating step forward to invade Josh’s personal space I pushed past him running outside to puke in the garden. Josh had arrived outside by the time I was finished being sick, I had seated myself on the ground with my back perched against the cool brick wall. The shift in temperature was refreshing, I had begun to feel faint and ill in the clammy, hot stuffy hall though the icy cold air that slapped against my skin seemed to be the remedy in easing my stomach and preventing me from breaking out a sweat any further.

“Madison! Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” my voice weak and body exhausted. He placed his cool hand against my hot forehead recognising my temperature.

“Ahh no, you’re not fine. You were just sick and your body heat is ridiculous. You feel like an oven even though it is freezing out here!”

I rested my head against the wall taking in a fresh breath of air, “I just want to stay out here for a bit.”

Josh let his back slide slowly down the wall until his bum reached the ground and he was level, sitting beside me. I could feel his stare. After a moment of silence he spoke, “I’m sorry, Madison.”

I shook my head, not knowing why he was apologising when it was my fault for kissing him in the first place. Before I could object he continued rambling, “I am divided. I really am. I’ve always had a soft spot for you Mads, but Rosie… she stole my heart and, well…now she has broken it. She left me Madison. You want to know why she left me?”

I didn’t answer because I wasn’t sure what my answer was…

“She left me because she knew I had feelings for you. Rosie knew I was divided from day one. It is probably best she broke up with me…she deserves someone that is fully devoted to her.” he bit his bottom lip feeling the emptiness Rosie had left him with. “I loved her…just as much as I love you.”

I finally had the courage to look at him, his words seemed trustworthy as I looked at his sincere expression believing him just by the look in his eyes.

He sucked in a deep breath, taking my hand in his, “You’re going to have to wait for me, Madison. I’m still divided. Right now, I’m not ready...I’m not Mr. Right yet.”

I nodded smiling with my eyes at him, I then gently rested my head against his shoulder not daring to break the peaceful silence but rather to enjoy the presence of Josh and feel the rise and fall of his chest. A sudden jolt of energy ran through me. It was like my heart was restarting itself with another lifeline. I had hope. I was willing to wait for my friend and maybe my lover.