Dead, Like A Candle You Burned Out

One Shot

*To whoever finds this,
I'm sorry. I know you won't understand why I did this, I know you'll think i was just taking the cowards way out, but this
was never about courage. This was about love, this was about him. I can try explain it to you, help you understand better.

I guess it begins on the sofa in the back of All Time Low's tour bus. I was sat with a bottle of white wine and my laptop on
my knee, everyone around me was partying. I'd like to say we were celebrating something, but we weren't, we just liked to
party. This was just another brilliant night of warped tour 09. I moved the laptop from my lap and started my second glass of
wine when Alex, my best friend sat down next to me. It was pretty clear that he was already completely wasted as he was
wearing a multi-colored Indian style headdress, and i was pretty sure that skirt didn't belong to him. My eyes searched the
room and fell onto Hayley Williams dancing around in Alex's jeans that were too big for her skinny frame. 'Fair enough' I
thought drawing my attention back to Alex when his voice rang through my ears.

"Jackeee! Why don't I always wear skirts? Their so much better than jeans."
I laughed, typical Alex, he always acted like this then he was drunk, asking stupid questions and wanting to do idiotic stuff
like stealing parking cones.

"Maybe because your a dude? Dudes wear trousers."
Alex pulled a face, the sort of face that said 'not fair.'

"Well Jeffree Star wears skirts!"
I choked on my wine, almost crying from laughing.

"That's different Alex."
Alex pouted and crossed his arms, he tried to punch my arm but it was so pathetic i don't think it would be right calling it
a punch.

"Stop laughing at me jack!"
I rolled my eyes and downed the rest of the glass of wine.

***

As the night progressed and i got drunker Alex decided to finally leave me alone and go hang out with someone else. I loved
Alex and all but too much of him could be...well too much. I loved Alex more than you think i do. I'm not gay or anything, I
like girls, always will, but with Alex it was different. I don't really know how to explain it but i found him attractive,
and everything he did was just adorable, and even though he only ever kissed me as a joke i got butterflies in my stomach
whenever he did. No one else has ever made me feel the way he did.

Around 1am the bus party wasn't seeming to come to an end and i was wondering where Alex had got to, last time i had saw him he
was hanging around with the Drummer of Forever The Sickest Kids Kyle Burns. I stumbled off the tour bus and searched around
for a while before i finally gave up. I turned to head back for the bus and saw lights coming from Forever The SIckest Kids tour bus.
I stumbled over to it, the door wasn't shut properly so i grabbed the handle and pulled it open. I didn't bother shutting it,
it was too loud. I made my way slowly into the bus.

I was greeted by the sight of Alex standing over Kyle who was sat on the table. Both of them were topless and they were
kissing clumsily, Kyle's hands on Alex's cheeks and Alex's pulling off Kyle's belt. I froze, Alex was straight, I'd been his
friend for years, I knew he was. They didn't even seem to notice my presence so i turned myself away from the pair and ran
off the bus. When i stopped running my face was soaked in tears. I slumped against some other bands bus and shut my eyes
tightly.

***

I felt a sharp pain in my leg and woke up. I grumbled to myself and got to my feet noticing straight away that i had fallen
asleep against Cobra Starship's tour bus. I might have been really drunk the night before but i could still remember what i
saw. My eyes darted to who had woken me up, Matt, no surprise there, beside him stood Vinny, Grecio, and Danny. I didn't care
where everyone else was.

"What was that for??"

"Breakfast, come on."
He didn't ask why i had fallen asleep outside Cobra's bus, we were all drunk last night, that was reason enough. I followed
them to the big catering tent which was packed full of other bands and their crew. At our table Alex was playing around with
his food, he looked ill, most likely hungover. I sat at the table and ignored his upset expression, I always sat next to him
when we ate, that day, i didn't. Rian looked at me totally grossed out

"Bro you stink." I shrugged my shoulders and made sure i sat myself closer to the complaining bitch than i had been before.

"I slept against a bus, what the fuck do you expect me to smell like?"
Rian rolled his eyes and shoved a forkful of bacon into his mouth. I grinned triumphantly until i saw Kyle walking over to
us, what did blondie want now? Kyle squeezed himself next to Alex where i would have sat if i were talking to him. Kyle
whispered something into Alex's ear. Alex didn't look at him, he stared at his uneaten breakfast looking embarrassed and
ashamed. Kyle clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes

"fuck you Gayskank!" he stood up and left the table.
I suddenly found myself feeling sorry for the kid, Alex had screwed him as nothing more than a one night stand, a drunken
mistake. As soon as Kyle was gone Alex stood up and left.

***

The day dragged on slowly after breakfast. Alex and Kyle weren't talking and Kyle got pissed at any of his band mates if they
spoke to Alex, I also didn't feel like talking to Alex. I didn't like the fact him and Kyle had sex but i also didn't like
the way he was acting towards Kyle. I was sat in front of the bus alone when Alex walked in, I groaned quietly and looked
away from him. He dropped himself down next to me.

"Jack is there a reason your ignoring me?"
I shrugged my shoulders staring at my hands. Alex frowned.

"You know...I know when your lying."
I looked over at him not saying anything. Alex looked at me frustrated.

"Fuck Jack I didn't know you could be such an asshole."
I laughed in his face

"Oh and your not an ass? What about Kyle at breakfast?"
He growled

"that's none of your business Barakat."
I stood up and headed for the door to the bus

"you know Gaskarth, sometimes I hate you!"
I slammed the door and walked away from our bus. I had every intention of continuing to walk until i was far away from Alex,
but the sound of someone crying made me stop. Kyle was sat on the ground leaning up against Paramore's tour bus crying. I
felt bad for him again and walked over sitting next to him.

"Hey"
He jumped and dried his eyes on his sleeves quickly. I gave him a small smile, he returned it weakly.

"Hey Jack."
Kyle looked up into my eyes sadly, I couldn't remember him ever looking so vulnerable.

"Is it Alex?"
He looked at me with a look on his face that told me he was trying to decide whether to tell me or not.

"I already know..." I added.
Kyle hugged onto his knees and cried softly.

"I really like him and i was just some stupid drunken mistake to him. He likes someone else."
I put my arm around his shoulder and sighed , I knew what it was like to have feelings for Alex that weren't returned. Then
the last part of what he said hit me.

"Wait...he likes someone else? Who?"
Kyle took his head away from his knees and looked at me.

"you...he said he never told you because your not gay, and you didn't know that he was."
My eyes widened and i bit my lip, Kyle spoke up again.

"You like him too, don't you? I thought that the first time i met you, you acted like a couple...and if you like him you
should just tell him."
I moved my arm from around his shoulder, he was right, I had waited too long to do this, and now thanks to Kyle i knew Alex
felt the same way. I jumped up onto my feet to run back to the bus but before i left i turned to look at Kyle.

"You know...you should take more notice of Caleb. I swear he checks you out all the time."
Kyle looked up at me.

"really?"
I nodded with a grin, you know i never took the time to even find out if they got together. I turned and ran, ran as fast as
i could, Alex was going to find out i was in love with him that day, even if it killed me.

***

I pulled open the door of the tour bus and ran inside being greeted by Danny and Matt.

"Matt where's Alex?" I panted clutching onto my side as i tried to get my breath back.

"After your stupid argument he said he was going to a bar round the corner."
I groaned 'round the corner' wasn't very specific.

"but i need to tell him..." I was cut off by Zack who came through from the back room.

"Guys come see this."
We were dragged into the back and Zack pointed to the television, it showed a bar on fire, I was sure i recognized it.

"Thats's live," Rian informed us "the bar across their," he made an action to where the bar was.'round the corner.'

I swore to myself and ran off the bus begging that i was wrong. My chest felt like it was going to explode as i pushed myself
round the corner and up the long street. I saw the fire engine first, then i noticed just how much smoke was filling the
street. As i got closer i saw they had surrounded the area with police tape and kids-wearing band shirts and most probably
going to the warped tour-were stood round it watching what was going down.

Tears stung at my eyes and i tried not to look at the body bags that could have Alex inside. As i ducked under the tape
firemen burst out of the buildings door carrying someone who looked badly burnt. I recognized that flannel and mop of
chocolate hair, even if it was covered in ash. He was screaming in pain.

"oh god no!" i screamed, i didn't sound like myself.
I skidded to my knees next to him ignoring the pain as the ground scrapped off my skin. I grabbed onto him holding him, his
back leant against my legs.

"Alex..." I cried, it felt as if someone had just ripped me to pieces right there on the sidewalk.

"J-Jack.." he croaked weakly.

"Fuck! This is all my fucking fault" i cried placing my forehead just above his ear, my body shaking as i cried.
He pulled his head back so he could look in my eyes.

"I'm..gonna be ok" he forced the words out, taking his time to say them. The grip he had on my upper arm loosened.

"Alex, I love you, I love you so fucking much!"

I was too late.

He left me.

After everything, after so long of wanting to tell him but never being able to i told him, and he was gone before he could
have heard. I dropped my head, crying into his chest as i held him to tight, so close. I just brokedown. I didn't care who
saw.

I didn't care about the fans who stood at the other side of the police tape crying with me.

I didn't care that the guys had seen us on the live news feed and ran over to find Alex gone.

I didn't care about anything anymore, because he was gone. Now he was just a body, a corpse, and i knew i had to join him where
he was. We had to be together again. How could i live without my best friend? The guy who had made me see everything so
differently, the guy I'd fallen in love with?

So when you find this-whether its mom, or may, or Joe, or even Matt...whoever-I'll be with Alex, because that's how it was
always meant to be. I'm sorry, it's not that i don't love you all, i do, but i need him, life isn't worth waking up to when
he's gone. I tried, i really did, but i just can't do this.

Jack.

♠ ♠ ♠

*Woow.
I've been meaning to write and post this for a while now D:

Sorry if it breaks your little heart.
"im gonna break your little heart, watch you take the fall laughing all the way to the hospital.."
sorry....

Anyway i hope you liked it, please please please Comment/Rate
They make me happy.

Check out my on going stories Our Chemistry Is Keroscene and Don't Waste Your Time On Me.
Kays?

Bye XxX
Cweamee x