Invisible

Days dragged while the months flew by. Their were days when I just sat by my grave, I would trace my fingers along my name, date of birth, date of death, and even the quote that my mother picked especially for me, “You were my light, you were my daughter, and now you’re my angel. Till we meet again.”

October is warm, not hot, but warm. Texas summer weather starts cooling down around October. Today is October 29, 2010 my family is preparing for the second most difficult time of their life, the day of the trial. I can see my mother brushing blush along her cheek bones, Richard in the bathroom in front of a mirror, tying his tie. Aaron sitting on his bed playing with his G.I Joe. No one talked, only the creaks and the hum of the refrigerator filled the silence of my home.

Richard cleared his throat, “Are you ready?”

My mother nodded, “Yes.”

I walked with them downstairs, I even tried to smile at Aaron when he walked down the stairs, but he wouldn’t look at me.

The drive down there was silent, my mother starred out the window, my little brother avoiding my gaze, Richard driving but messing with the radio on the steering wheel.

“I wish someone would just talk.” I whispered.

“Why should they? They don’t have to if they don’t want too.”

I looked at Aaron, “What is your problem?”

He looked directly at me, “You are my problem. Why can’t you just leave us alone?”

That stung, “Why do you have to be so hurtful?”

“What did you say honey?” My mother asked, her voice sounded shaky, like she’s been crying.

“Nothing.”

I leaned across the seat to stare into Aaron’s eyes, “I said I’m sorry for staying away, you try being dead…it’s not easy watching everyone cry all the time.”

“Maybe if I would have just listened to dad and stayed inside that night…you would be alive.” He whispered back.

I cringed. I leaned away from the seat slowly, watching the hateful stare in my brother’s eyes. He’s never looked at anyone that way before.

Richard parked the car and rushed to open my mother’s door. I watched them stare at each other for a moment, Richard placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her forehead while squeezing his eyes shut, tears were streaming down my mothers cheek.

“I love you.” He whispered.

She nodded, “I love you, too.”

When I looked up at the courthouse, my father was at the top of the steps watching them. Aaron walked beside me with narrowed eyes.

“Yes, it’s your fault your dad is hurting, your fault that mom and dad are sad. Your fault that mom cries herself to sleep at night.”

I walked away from Aaron; he was just angry right now. He would get over it one day.

“Richard.” My dad took his hand and hugged him. When he looked at my mother, he didn’t hesitate to pull her into his arms. My mother pulled away with a kiss on his cheek, she grabbed his and Richards hand as they walked into the building together.

“Mrs. Silverstein!”

I looked over my shoulder to find Jeremy jogging up the steps; he paused in front of them catching his breath.

“Jeremy?” My mother whispered. “Why? What are you doing here? You don’t have to be here.”

Jeremy nodded, “Yes I do. I love Lindsey just as much as you do, I wouldn’t miss this.”

My mother nodded, “Ok.” She gave him an awkward one armed hug and patted his cheek with her hand.

Jeremy walked up with the rest of the family, looking behind him like he was waiting for someone. He just shrugged and continued through the doors with my dad. I followed.

The courtroom looked like the ones you would see in Law & Order. Dark, scary, intimidating. Jeremy and my family sat in the front row behind the State people, (I honestly didn’t pay attention in any of history classes or anything that dealt with the law). One of them looked really young, light brown hair, brown eyes, he was handsome. He whispered something in my mother’s ear, which made her face go paper white. Richard patted her hand, and nodded towards them. That’s when I saw him, Mr. Robin walking in with a smug smile on his lips when he laid eyes on my family. I was taken off guard when Maggie sat next to Jeremy, or rather sat on me, -if you get what I mean- next to her was Carol. She changed a lot since we last saw her, her blonde hair was cut short, up to her shoulders with medium layers. She looked skinner but in a good way, like she’s been working out.

“Jeremy.” She smiled.

Jeremy couldn’t talk, he just smiled, “Carol.”

Maggie glanced between them both, “How are you feeling, Jeremy?”

Jeremy pulled his eyes away from her, “I’m ok.” I could literally hear the “I’m ok, now that she’s here”

Carol nodded, “You seem ok. You look different.”

“All rise!”

Everyone stood up to see the judge walk through, he was an old man who looked like he rather be somewhere else. But when he looked at my Maggie, he gaze moved directly to mine. I froze, could he see me? The judge nodded my way and sat down, as did everyone else. He began to talk and ask for the counselors, but he couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from me.

“You’re honor; I would like to call Mrs. Silverstein to the stand.”

He nodded.

I watched my mother walk up with shaky legs and hands, she laid her hand on the bible or book (I don’t know) and held up her hand. I starred at the judge while the bailiff asked her about the truth. The judge was looking at me again, so I cocked my head to the side.

“Can you see me?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Mrs. Silverstein, what do you know about Mr. Robin?” The lawyer asked.

My mother took a deep breath, I instantly looked at her, seeing her bow her head and twist her tissue in her hand.

“I don’t know much. All I know is that he was her teacher.”

“Have you ever talked to Mr. Robin?”

My mother shook her head, “No, Lindsey was a good student, she never got into trouble.”

“Yes, but after her murder?”

“No, I couldn’t.”

“Mrs. Silverstein, did something happen the night Lindsey was murdered? Was there a fight that made Lindsey runaway?”

“Well, my husband and Lindsey weren’t getting along very well. They got into a fight and Lindsey went up to her room. That was the last time I saw her.” Her voice cracked a little. Richard bowed his head.

“I see. How long have your husband and Lindsey been arguing?”

My mother wiped her hand underneath her eyes, “Since Lindsey turned 13. I thought it would get better, but as she got older, the more they fought.”

“Did he ever hit her?”

She snapped her head up, “No. Never. He lost his temper, but never hit her.”

He nodded, “Ok. How did your son and Lindsey get along?”

I looked at Aaron, he was looking at me with a sad look almost, but the anger was still there.

My mother smiled, “They got along great. Lindsey would take him to the zoo, or to the park. They were unseparateable.”

I looked back at Aaron with a smile, but he wasn’t looking me.

“Was your husband ever violent with your son?”

“No.”

He nodded, “Thank you.”

The other lady lawyer stepped up from her seat with paper in her hands, -she looked like a real bitch- she had on glasses on the tip of her nose.

“Mrs. Silverstein, when did you notice your daughter was missing?”

My mother sighed, “That first morning. I went to wake her for school when I noticed her bed was made, I thought she was up so I checked her bathroom, no one there, I called her friends, they hadn’t seen her. That’s when I called the police.”

“Mhmm, did you always know when Lindsey went out?”

“Yes. On school nights she had a nine o’clock curfew unless she had homework, she wasn’t aloud out, but on weekends she had a midnight curfew.”

“How often did Lindsey spend time with her boyfriend?”

“Everyday, they talked all the time on the phone.”

She nodded, “How was he with Lindsey?”

My mother smiled, “Gentle. He treated Lindsey like a queen.”

Jeremy bowed his head and smiled.

The lawyer began to pace in front of the stand, “Mrs. Silverstein, do you think Lindsey was seeing Mr. Robin behind your back?”

“Objection!”

“Over-ruled.” The judge waved his hand.

My mother shook her head, “No. Lindsey wasn’t like that.”

“Then why do you think Mr. Robin was in love with your daughter?”

Tears were beginning to build in my mom’s eyes, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Did Lindsey ever act strange? Did she sometimes come home late without her friends or boyfriend dropping her off?”

“No, she was always with Jeremy or her friends. Sometimes they went out together, all of them.”

“Mhmm, Tell me Mrs. Silverstein did Lindsey ever talk to you about sex?”

“Objection your honor!”

“Over-ruled. Counselor, that’s a warning” he told the bitch lawyer.

She sighed, and pulled out a folder with a bunch of paper work.

“Mrs. Silverstein, do you know the cause of death of your daughter?”

My mother shook her head, “No. I didn’t want to know.”

“She was strangled, and stabbed five times. Three times in the stomach, and two in the chest, your daughter was also raped.”

“Stop.” My mother whispered.

“Mrs. Silverstein, were you also aware that your daughter was six weeks pregnant when she was murdered?”

The whole room was filled was gasped, the judge started banging his hammer and calling the room to attention. I instantly looked at Jeremy; he starred at my mother with wide eyes. Everyone was starring at my mother, but Carol. She was watching him; Jeremy instantly stood up and ran out of the room.

The lawyer took her seat, while the judge dismissed my mother. I followed Jeremy out of the room. Pregnant? I was pregnant? I didn’t feel like I was….sure their were some mornings when I was sick, days when I couldn’t hold anything down without throwing it up. I was pregnant? I was pregnant!?

Jeremy leaned against the wall and slide down to the floor. He covered his head with his hands while his shoulders shook. Carol ran out the doors to find Jeremy slouched in the corner. She didn’t say anything, except kneel down beside him and pull his hands away.

Jeremy looked up at her with red eyes, “She never told me anything. I didn’t know…..I …..I “

“Shh. I don’t think she knew either Jeremy. She would have told you the second she suspected something. You know she would have.”

Jeremy nodded, “She was pregnant, Carol. I….I was going to be a dad.” He whispered at the end as a tear fell down his cheek.

Carol nodded, “I know.”

Jeremy dropped his head again, sobs were breaking his chest. Carol pulled him into her arms and let him cry onto her shoulder. “My baby….my baby.” He kept sobbing.

I couldn’t stand anymore, my legs collapsed and I fell the floor, screaming at the cement. Their was no way….no chance in hell, I could forgive him. Not only did he take away my life, he took away the life of an unborn baby…my unborn baby. Jeremy’s baby. I could feel the agony in my chest, like the pieces of my heart being shredded apart. It felt like I was dying all over again…