Invisible

For the next two weeks, I watched Mr. Robin. I didn’t watch or listen for anyone else. I needed to concentrate on Mr. Robin. He moved around slowly, his face looked exhausted when in truth, the guy was dying of starvation. Mr. Robin didn’t eat. He only pushed his food around to make it look like he ate something.

In his journal last night he wrote, “I deserve to die. I deserve to go to hell.” Sorrow filled my heart again, six months ago if I saw something like that. I would totally agree. But now, this is different. Why? I’m not sure. Raven could be messing with me.

One night I cried so hard. Mr. Robin wrote in his journal, “I wonder what she would have named her baby?” I didn’t want to think about the baby anymore, I wanted to forgive Mr. Robin and hope to see all my grandparents, and maybe the baby. No. I wasn’t going there again.

When Mr. Robin was in his cell, I watched him write again in his journal, signing off with his usual, and “Forgive me God.” Mr. Robin tossed and turned in his sleep, and then he finally settled on his side and didn’t move anymore. When morning came around, I walked back to Mr. Robin’s cell to find his body on the bed, and his spirit starring at it. My heart clenched.

“It was bound to happen.” He whispered.

“NO!” I yelled.

Mr. Robin looked directly at me, his eyes opened wide but a smile spread across his face. “Lindsey.” He sighed.

“You can’t be dead! No! This isn’t supposed to happen!”

Mr. Robin smiled, “its ok. The world can rest now, your family can rest again, and your friends can rest again. I’m dead. They got their wish.”

“No, Mr. Robin!”

He laughed, “I’m surprised you’re upset. You of all people should be happy.”

I shook my head, opening my mouth trying to force something to come out. But all that came out was a sob. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was never going to move on for sure now.

“Lindsey, I can see a white light. It’s so beautiful.”

I took a deep breath to steady myself. Mr. Robin looked at me with a happy grin. I’ve never seen him smile that big before.
“Aren’t you coming?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t see the light. “I can’t see it.”

He sighed, “Because of me huh? I’m sorry Lindsey. I truly am.”

I nodded with a tear; I caught one just below my cheekbone. I looked at Mr. Robin and smiled. I could feel the words I wanted to say in the back of my throat. If my heart could beat, it would be pounding against my chest widely. My head was spinning; I could feel some peace as I said,

“It’s ok. I forgive you.”

Mr. Robin’s face light up. “You do?”

I grinned, “I do. Now go. It’s beautiful up there.”

Mr. Robin nodded as he took a step and disappeared slowly. I walked outside, leaving Mr. Robin’s body on his bed. I didn’t think too much about where I was going, I just let my feet take me wherever.

When I lifted my head, I saw Jeremy’s home. Without thinking, I climbed the tree and sat on his window seal. He was on his bed, laughing on the phone. It made me grin, that was my Jeremy’s smile. That was my Jeremy’s laugh. He looked healthier at least. The shadows underneath his eyes were gone, his hair was short again, and his scruff was gone. He looked like he’s actually been eating. Roger was doing well on his promise.

I stepped through the window and sat on the bed next to him. Jeremy talked and laughed until he decided to hang up the phone.

“Jeremy!” Roseanne called.

Jeremy laid his phone on the bed and walked downstairs. “Yeah?” he asked as he turned the corner to the living room. Roseanne was watching the news and Mr. Robin’s picture was flashing on the screen.

“Early this morning, at the local prison, security guards found Matt Robins dead in his cell. Matt Robins was found guilty for murdering 18 year old Lindsey Hamilton, three days before her graduation. Suspects say, it was suicide, we’ll know more later on.”

I watched Jeremy, his eyes opened wide. His breathing was faster than normal. I expected him to feel somewhat guilty; instead, he let out a huge cheer. His mother frowned.

“What?! You’re not happy?! The asshole is dead! Lindsey can rest in peace now! He’s dead!”

I shook my head, “No, I’m still here. Miserable, annoyed.”

“Jeremy Noel! No sir! You were raised better than that! You do not act that way, do you understand me!? What happened is tragic and very, very sad.”

Jeremy gasped, “Are you freaking serious? It’s not sad. It’s a good thing. Karma kicked his ass and killed the son of a bitch! He’s gone. I don’t have to worry about him anymore. I can finally breath knowing Lindsey is at peace.”

I snorted.

“I can’t believe your saying this! How can you be so cold!?”

Jeremy laughed sarcastically, “MOM! Where the hell have you been? That guy on T.V.” He pointed at the screen. “Killed my girlfriend, and your grandchild. My kid.” Jeremy’s voice faded a little at the end.

Roseanne shook her head, “We should learn forgiveness Jeremy.”

“WHAT!? Who told you that bullshit?”

“JEREMY!”

“No! Listen. I don’t know what the fuck is going on in your head. But I’m happy the dipshit is dead. He got what he deserved. This is victory. Sweet victory. I actually feel like I do when we win a football game. I feel awesome, energized to do whatever I want. Now, you can sit here and feel sorry for your little friend. I’m going to Lindsey’s grave. I’m going to see her family. I’m going to celebrate.”

Jeremy walked out with his mother screaming at him. He jumped in his Jeep and smiled the entire way.

When he got to the cemetery, his smile faded, his eyes went from happiness to pain in seconds. He hasn’t been to my grave since they buried me. Jeremy slowly walked his way to my headstone with his hands in his pockets.

He sat on the grass and laid his hand on my name, “Hey baby.” He whispered.

“Sorry I haven’t visited you. But I know you’ve been with me. I can feel it. You probably think you’re being sneaky. Well I always told you to never become a ninja.” He chuckled. I laughed.

Jeremy let his hand slide slowly to the bottom. “So I heard today some really great news. McAsshole is dead. Not Richard, calm down.” I rolled my eyes. “Mr. Robins. He died this morning. I don’t care how he died. He’s gone that’s all that matters. I feel happy babe, really happy. But I can’t help to feel this little agony in my heart. He’s dead, that should make me happy right? So why do I feel like this?”

I shrugged.

“Maybe it has to do with you. You see, I wish every night this was all a really bad dream. That when I wake up, you’ll be in my arms sleeping peacefully. I’m sure you were with me when I heard you were pregnant. I know you didn’t know. You were just as clueless. That killed me you know. I wanted to die. I wanted someone to break into my room and suffocate me. I thought about crashing my car, I thought about killing myself.”

I cringed.

“I know you don’t want to hear this. I wanted to be with you so bad. I still do. But slowly I’m moving on. Slowly, but surely.”

I smiled.

“You know. I remember thinking one time, ‘If he dies, maybe Lindsey will come back to me.’ I wish I could make it that way. I wish he was the ticket to bring you back. Roger told me about the promise. It’s like you knew something was going to happen huh? Gave me the chills when I thought about it that way. “He paused for a moment. His gaze moved away from my headstone out to the field. When he looked back at me he was almost smiling.

“I wish you could come to me in my dreams again. I know the last one was real. I could literally feel you in my arms. I know you were truly there. I’ll be with you one day. Just like I promised, I’ll be there. I hope you wait for me, just like you promised you would.”

I nodded, “Always and forever babe.”

He chuckled, “I’m going to see your family today. I’ll be back soon. I promise.” Jeremy kissed his fingertips and laid it on the headstone. “Love you. Always and forever babe.”