Since You've Been Gone

When she woke up she was still in the hospital, but this time she was lying in one of the beds with monitors strapped to her stomach to keep an eye on her baby’s heart rate. She blinked a few times and tried to get a feeling of her surroundings. She could barely remember why she was in the hospital to begin with when she noticed Dave sitting next to her. She looked at him and opened her mouth to speak.

“Hush Karma, just relax.” He said gently. She nodded a little bit and noticed the tubes on her face for the oxygen tubes in her nose. She coughed a little bit and closed her eyes again before finally getting her voice back.

“What happened?”

“The doctors had to sedate you. After Tyler…” Dave started and then paused for a long time. Karma looked at him with question, like she wanted him to just say it. She wanted him to make it real. “Well, after they told you…you were hysterical, and they had to sedate you for the baby’s health.” He said

“So…it wasn’t just a bad dream?” She asked and sniffed with sorrow. Dave looked down and sighed.

“I’m so sorry Karma…we lost a really awesome guy.” He said. She could tell that he was a lot more upset then he was letting her see. She didn’t know if it was because he was trying for her, or if it was a masculinity thing. She nodded and tried to force the feeling of sadness away, but she knew it was useless. Her entire world was gone.

“How long…was I out?” She asked gently, trying with everything she had to focus on something other than Tyler’s death. She wasn’t ready to think about that yet, she couldn’t.

“A good while, you were obviously exhausted from this whole…ordeal.” He said.

“Dave, its okay to be upset. He was your best friend.” She whispered. “I wouldn’t blame you for letting on that you are upset.”

“I have a lot to worry about, Karma. I don’t have time to sit here and cry. I had to make sure you were okay. I had to get everything figured out with our tour manager, because obviously the rest of the tour is canceled.”

“Dave, just relax.” Karma said softly. She was surprised at how calm she seemed. Her fiancé was dead and she was talking to his friend in a calm normal way. The doctor walked into the room then and looked at her with concern in his eyes.

“Miss Charleston, how are you feeling?” He asked with a soft tone to his voice.

“Not very good doctor.” She snapped. He nodded with understanding.

“I know this can be a hard time for you ma’am…”

“This can be a hard time?! I’m eight months pregnant and the baby’s father was just murdered!”

“You have to try and be calm for your baby. Now, you can make phone calls as necessary and receive them on your cell phone. We will be releasing you as soon as we are sure you and the baby are alright.” He said. Karma looked at him with anger and sadness.

“You are not helping me at all by having me tied down here. I just think about it in this place.” She said. He sighed and left the room. Dave looked at her with sympathy.

“I’ve got to get some rest Karma, will you be okay?” He asked and stood up. She looked at him with horror and he sat back down in the chair quickly.

“It’s okay…” She said finally.

“I will just stay with you until they discharge you. I can’t leave you now.” He said and closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept in days, and though he was upset by the loss of his best friend and band mate, he was exhausted. He’d spent his own time crying when the doctors finally got the news to them in the waiting room. He had tried to stay calm and strong, but when he was alone with Karma and she was in a drug induced sleep, he couldn’t help but let the tears fall.

He had cried for the fact that Tyler had been murdered and just less than an hour before the shots rang out he’d told his friend not to worry about Chelsea, that she was harmless. He cried for Karma, and the fact that she would have her baby alone now without Tyler. He had always known how much she needed Tyler. He couldn’t let Karma be alone today. She wasn’t stable enough to be alone until someone in her family could come and be with her.

She sniffed and looked down. She was thinking about Tyler, about the last time she’d heard his voice. The last things they had talked about. She had told him about a crib she saw that she was thinking about buying for the baby. She was remembering the excitement in his voice, and how genuinely enthusiastic he was about the baby. Now he was gone and there was nothing left. She couldn’t even think about raising a baby now, now that he was gone. Now that he wouldn’t be able to help her, now that she was alone, how could she do it? She couldn’t help but think now, what would she tell her daughter when it got to be time to tell her why she didn’t have her father.

She took a deep breath and tried with everything she had to stop herself crying, but she was failing. She needed to cry. She needed to let out the pressure building up in her chest and her throat, and as the sobs started to build up to the point of not being able to hold them in she felt Dave put his arms around her. “Why did he leave me?” She cried with violent sobs breaking her words.

“He was taken.” Dave said in a reassuring tone. “He wouldn’t leave you Karma, he was taken from you.” It was after several minutes of sobbing into Dave’s chest that her cell phone started to ring loudly and she did everything she could to compose herself enough to answer the phone.

“Hello?” She said hoarsely.

“Karma!”

“Mother…” Karma answered and sighed with frustration. She didn’t want to talk to Rose at all. It was the last thing she needed, though she longed for her grandfather’s comfort.

“Yes darling, it’s me, your mother.” Rose said with a cheery voice.

“You seem in a good mood.” Karma said and pushed down the new sobs threatening her throat. She wasn’t sure she could do this.

“I’m in a lovely mood. I just heard the amazing news.” Rose said with that same cheery voice Karma was finding very irritating.

“What amazing news?”

“That the Devil was shot.” Rose said. Karma gasped involuntarily and pain filled her chest.

“The Devil?” She asked in a pleading voice, praying her mother wouldn’t have called only to put it in her face that her fiancé was gone. She wiped her nose while she waited for the answer and her heart seemed to have stopped being.

“That horrible man you called a fiancé. I heard that he died yesterday in the afternoon.” Rose said. “I’ve been trying to call you for hours, why didn’t you answer the phone?”

“Mother…” Karma whispered with a shaking voice.

“Well answer me!”

“How could you even say that?! He was everything to me and I just lost him, and you are calling me to tell me that it’s a good thing! That it is making you happy that he is dead!”

“Maybe now you will get over that rebellion thing. I tried for so long to get you to be a good girl, now is the last chance! You can get rid of his demonic spawn; you can get away from everything he’s put around you.”

“What in the hell is wrong with you?! I loved him! I still love him.” Karma shouted and the tears started to fill her eyes again. “He was my everything, and now he’s gone and you are telling me that is a good thing.”

“It’s a marvelous thing! Come back home Karma, and I’ll show you the right way to live. We’ll get rid of that awful baby you’ve been carrying for the last eight months and it will be as if nothing ever happened.”

“How can you say this? How can you think that I would EVER go back to your house now! You have no sympathy. You are a heartless evil woman!”

“Karma, calm down. I know right now you don’t understand, but you’ll see that this is the best thing that could have happened.”

“This is the best thing!? My fiancé, the father of my baby, my soul, my best friend…” Karma started and the tears filled her and her nose started to burn with the threatening tears, “The only man that has ever meant anything to me, was taken from me. My baby will be born without a father now, how is that the best thing!?” Karma screamed.

“Karma, I am your mother! I know what is best for you, and that garbage was not good for you. He was no loss; he was only a waste of oxygen.” Rose said with frustration.

“You…aren’t my mother…anymore.” Karma breathed through her anger and tears. “A mother would never be this fucking excited when her daughter’s fiancé died!!” she screamed and hung up. Dave looked at her sympathetically. Karma let the anger course through her for a few seconds before finally just breaking down into tears again.

“Shh, don’t cry any more Karma.” He said gently and ran his hand over the back of her hair.

“I’ve…lost…everything.” She cried. “My fiancé, my mother, everything. The love of my life is gone.”

“He’s here with you Karma, he wouldn’t just leave you. He was ready for you and the baby and him to just be a family. This tour, all he talked about was you and the baby, the wedding, and how much he worried about you…and himself…” Dave sighed.

“Himself?” Karma asked with curiosity. Dave looked down.

“The girl that shot him…had been following us around for about two weeks. She was at a lot of the meet and greets and stuff…she kept insisting he was her husband. He tried as best as he could to make sure she couldn’t get too close to him, because he got a really bad vibe from her. He finally told her he wasn’t her husband and that he’d had enough of her crazy bullshit, and that was the last show we started playing.” Dave explained.

“She was following him?” Karma asked with horror. “She was stalking him and no one did anything about it! My fiancé is gone and someone could have done something!” She screamed.

“Karma, calm down. You have to stay calm for your baby, that is the most important thing right now. That baby is all that is left of Tyler.” Dave said as Karma’s anger started to boil over. She couldn’t believe that it all could have been prevented.

“Isn’t that why you have fucking security!?”

“Karma, we tried. She wasn’t a danger, and we have a lot of fans follow us to lots of the shows. We couldn’t do much about her because she hadn’t hurt anyone before and though she was obviously a little wrong in the head she didn’t seem to pose a threat. We never thought she’d go that far.”

“You never thought? What does it matter what you thought?! Something should have been done dammit! If she was stalking him, and she was obviously a fruitcake!” She screamed. Dave tried to calm her but she wouldn’t stop crying and her shouting was turning to hysteria. Finally a nurse rushed in, and despite her fighting, Karma was again sedated.

When she woke up later in the evening she noticed that Dave was still with her. “Hey.” He said gently and forced a smile. She didn’t return the gesture. She ran her hand through her hair and over her belly. “The baby is fine, amazingly enough.” He said. She nodded and looked at the IV that was poking into her arm.

“I’m sorry about what happened earlier…” She sniffed. “I was just so upset that he’s…gone.” She said.

“I understand. Just rest Karma, you’re tired.”

“I can’t sleep anymore.” She protested. He sighed. He wasn’t in any mood to argue with her. He was exhausted, but he knew he couldn’t leave her and he forced himself to stay awake with her. “I miss him…and it’s only been a day.”

“We all miss him, honey. No one has slept but you since he was shot…and I’m sure the only reason you slept was because they knocked you out.”

“I don’t know how I’ll ever sleep again…” She whispered, “Without him next to me. Knowing he’ll never be next to me again.”

“One step at a time.” Dave said and took her hand. “Just take a breath and move to the next one.”

“He was my breath.” She sniffed. “I need to call my grandfather…I need him.” She said and found her cell phone. She dialed Thomas’ home number and waited as patiently as she could. Finally Marie answered the phone.

“Hello.” She said in a sleepy voice. Karma suddenly wondered what time it was.

“Is Papa there Marie?” She asked softly.

“Karma, darling how are you?” Marie asked. “You’re grandfather is here, just let me find him.”

“I’m not doing too great. Thank you.” Karma said and sniffed. Marie didn’t answer and Karma assumed she knew what was going on. She heard Marie and Thomas share a slight conversation and then Thomas came onto the phone.

“Hello Karma.” Thomas said softly and with sympathy.

“Papa…he’s gone.” She cried and the tears started to pour again.

“I know angel, it was all over the news. I was going to come out and see you, but I don’t know where you are. I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I just…can’t believe he’s gone papa…I can’t believe that they took him away from me…and our baby. I just talked to him…just a couple hours before she shot him. I lost everything….in just a few minutes.” She cried.

“Don’t cry, Karma. It will be alright.” Thomas tried to assure. Karma couldn’t stop the sobbing that had started up now at the memory of losing her fiancé. “Are you home?”

“I’m still in the hospital…but I will be home soon.” She said. Thomas didn’t ask why she was still in the hospital. He had a feeling he knew why, and he didn’t want to upset her any further. He wanted more than anything to be with his granddaughter, to be able to help her through her pain. He couldn’t begin to imagine how much it really hurt that the father of her baby had been shot and killed.

“I will come out and stay with you for a while Karma, I don’t want you to be alone through this. Have you talked to your mother?” Thomas asked. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say, things between Karma and Rose could go either way.

“She told me it was a good thing…and that I should be happy papa! How could she say that to me!? How?!” Karma cried.

“Calm down darling. I will deal with your mother. Just try your best Karma; just try to be there for the baby. Be calm for your baby.” He said gently.

“Because she’s all that’s left of Tyler…”Karma whispered what Dave had told her just before.