Dead at 15

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear JANUARY!” My sisters emphasized and I smirked. “Happy birthday to you!” I grinned broadly underneath the pointed birthday hat. I was fifteen on that day; the fourteenth of January, nineteen-ninety-eight. Birthdays were always a ‘family day.’

“C’mon Jan! Blow ‘em out already!” February yelled into my ears, grabbing my shoulders from behind.
“Feb! Ears! I may need them, you know,” I complained, the stupid smile still on my face. Feb stuck her tongue out while May pinched my cheeks. I smacked her one on the arm. In reply she simply squealed and ran off behind Mom. She could be such a baby, I didn't even hit her that hard.

“Hurry! Or the wax will drip on the cake and, and!” April said in one mouthful. Her speech always seemed to reach speeds of up to two hundred words per minute – no exaggeration. February thumped her, and rolled her eyes.
“Shut up April! Go be a freak somewhere else. Go count the lights again,” she taunted.

April grimaced. No one really knew what was going on in her head but at the same time, no one seemed to want to consider it ‘pleasant' either. She had to count the lights every so often, her watch was timed specifically for it. Explanation: April had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She was only eleven, nearly twelve, yet so stressed. Her compulsions appeared very early on in childhood apparently.

“February! For the last time, don’t hit your sister or call her names! You don’t want me to ground you again. April, you don’t have to count them unless you feel like it. January, please, hurry up,” Mom said, sighing at the end. I smiled and blew the candles out all in one go – for the first time ever. The family all clapped and April ran off to start her ‘ritual’ as her watch beeped. I hugged Dad around the middle. He was well over six feet tall while I was a mere five feet and three inches.

“Love you Dad.” I said.
“Love you too sweetheart. Happy fifteenth,” he replied, smiling softly at me.
“Thanks.”
“Presents!” August and September screamed and ran into the living room. Those two never seemed to get along but the idea of ‘presents’ was one point they could agree on. I ran my tongue over my braces and went to follow everyone.

Family birthdays, a lot of people would tell me they hated them but to be honest, I really didn't mind. We brought a whole new meaning to ‘the more the merrier,’ with fourteen of us in total. Besides, there was never any extra room for friends to come over on birthdays, we all made sure of that.

***

“Hey Mom,” I said, grabbing the tea towel to help with the dishes. November was perched on the counter, drying a plate in her tiny hands. She was so cute. All my siblings were – well the younger ones, but that’s beside the point!
“Oh honey! It’s your birthday, get one of the others to help!” Mom exclaimed.
“No. I wanna help.”
“Don’t worry about it, November’s helping. Isn't that right darling?”
“Yes Mommy!” She chirped with a grin filled with sharp little pearly whites, and I began drying a glass.

“So I hear you’re going to Timothy’s in an hour?” Mom queried. I looked across at the clock and nodded. Timmy was my steady boyfriend of five months and I loved him to bits. He’d been a little down recently so I wanted to cheer him up. That meant a movie and a make-out session or something of the like.

“Yeah Mom. I hope that’s okay?” I replied, with a hopeful look on my face.
“Oh no! It’s fine honey. Do you know what time you’ll be back?”
“Uh, Dad said he’d pick me up at about ten.”
“Ah, okay. Now go get ready! Tell his Mom I said hi. I’ll get March to finish the dishes with me.” She winked and I smiled. My mom was so understanding.

“Januwawy! Januwawy!” A little black haired girl attached herself to my leg just before I stepped out into the hall.
“December! What’s wrong?” Two large brown eyes framed by long and thick black lashes stared up at me. I always felt like I was being probed by December’s intelligent and perceptive looking orbs. It was the strangest feeling. That was another thing about us all, our hair color and heights all differed but our eyes were practically identical.

December was definitely my favorite sister, with the way she talked in third person and all. I was closest with February but she had the habit of being quite dominating.
“Febuwawy’s chasing Cember!” December shrieked and I scooped her up in my arms, balancing her on my hip.
“Don’t worry! January shall protect you! With my…uh.”
“FIRE BWEATHING!” She shrieked and I chuckled lightly. My eyes quickly darted to the clock. I still half an hour to get ready, I figured it would’ve been enough time.
“Hell yeah!”
“Hell yeah!” She mimicked and climbed onto my back. We were off to find February.

***

“No Feb. I want the blue eye shadow.” I whined at February.
“But the green will bring out your eyes,” she told me with an air of ‘I’m going to do whatever the hell I want whether you like it or not because you were the one who left me only ten minutes to fix you up.’
“Really?”
“Yes,” she assured me and rolled her eyes at my brief moment of insecurity. I wanted to look nice, was that such a crime?
“Okay then.” I closed my eyes as February applied the make-up.

“You excited?” She asked after a few minutes.
“Yes, it’s only the twenty-ninth time I’ve gone over. But you know I love seeing Timmy.”
“Maybe you just love Timmy in general?” She wiggled her eyebrows and I poked my tongue out.
“Shut up.” I said.
“I can’t believe you actually keep count of how many times you go over…” She muttered and I held back a glare. “So what you got planned?” Feb asked more audibly.
“We’re gonna stay in and watch a movie.”
“Cool now c’mon. Only a couple of minutes to pick out clothes!”

***

“January?”
“Yeah?” I asked, turning to the gorgeous boy in front of me, with brown hair and blue eyes I could lose myself in. Okay, he wasn't actually the best looking guy ever, but he had his good points, and I preferred to dwell on those rather than the more unattractive aspects.

“We need to talk.” My face fell. He was using the infamous break-up tone. Oh god, no! This can’t be right! What the hell?!
“Uh, sure.”
“I think we should break up.”
“What?” I asked in a small voice, tears leaking from my eyes.
“I think-”
“No! I got that! But why?” He sighed.
“I just don’t really…feel anything anymore.”
“What did I do?” My voice kept getting smaller and smaller, and the tightening in my chest seemed to be growing larger and larger.
“Nothing! It’s not you January, it’s me.” Bullshit! Oh he did not just use that line!

“You can’t give it to me straight even? Hell, and on my birthday? Excellent timing, really, thanks Timmy. Was I really that awful?”
“No. I didn't say that!”
“You implied it!” He sighed and looked away from me as I awaited a reply.
“I’ll call your Dad to-” He started.
“No! Look, you can’t just leave me and throw me away like I don’t mean anything,” I said through tears. He looked down at his lap.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“But, I’ll die without you.”
“No, you won’t. Just, go home January.”

***

I knew the walk home wouldn't be too long, it was dark outside though. Street lights only provided a certain amount of light. Winter was ending and it was still fairly cool out. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans and exhaled deeply. I’d stopped crying faster than I’d expected. It was better to be logical than stupid, and as February always said, crying was stupid. It didn't help anything. I mulled over the ‘discussion’ between myself and Timothy – trying to figure out where everything had gone wrong with us. There was no reason behind his sudden dumping of me. I was simply drawing blanks, and further depressing myself in the process.

I checked before crossing of course, there was a car in the distance, headlights shining. I had enough time to cross though. That car was coming up awfully fast, so I quickened my pace. I could hear the roar of the engine. I skipped over the center-line and turned my head and glanced at the car which had crossed the center-line and was driving directly at me.

Couldn't live without him, right?

January Thalia Lambert.
01/14/83-01/14/98