The Softer Side of Unbearable

"You said no?!" Angel spluttered, her eyes bulging out of her petite face.

Bailey felt herself cower a bit, even though normally she had no problem standing up to Angel. She pulled the sleeves of her hoodie down over her hands and slumped down on the couch.

"This is a Billy fucking Talent tour, and you said no? What the hell is your problem? That would be a huge deal for us! It would open up so many doors! Seriously, Bailey, how could you not even bother to discuss this with us? We're in this band, too! We should have an equal say in this!"

"Easy, Angel," Jeff gazed at the tiny girl through stern eyes. "Clearly Bailey isn't ready to go back to music yet. Give her a fucking break."

"I can speak for myself," Bailey stated, though her voice came out soft and shaky. "I just lost my best friend. I've never played a show without him wishing me good luck first. I'm scared to do it without him."

"You're going to have to do it someday. Why not try it now?" Angel countered.

"Because I'm not ready," Bailey's voice rose. "Yes, I made the decision without you, and I'm sorry for that. But I know that I can't do it yet, and if you have no singer-"

"Don't you dare say it," Angel seethed through a clenched jaw.

"Then you have no band," Bailey finished. "Besides, he left the offer open. He told me that he would let us join the tour later for just a couple of shows if I felt ready."

"If you don't try now, you'll lose your confidence and you won't do it at all," Angel argued.

Bailey looked over at Jeff, hoping he would step in and help her out. He was staring at her with a defeated look in his eyes. "She might have a point this time."

"I can't," Bailey whispered. "I just can't do it yet."

"You said yourself that the tour isn't for a few months," Jeff said gently. "Maybe you'll feel up to it by then."

"Maybe. But I really don't need you guys pushing me right now. I just need some time alone. Which is why I came home. So remind me why you're here?"

"Because we've hardly seen you since Spencer died. You don't talk to us anymore," Jeff sat down next to Bailey on the couch. "We miss you."

"You didn't call me, either. This isn't all my fault."

Angel sighed. "I never said that it was your fault," her tone softened noticeably. "I'm really sorry that I got so worked up. It's just that, well, that's our dream. But I understand that you're not feeling up to it right now. I just don't get why he meant that much to you."

Bailey's jaw hit the floor. "What?! You don't get why Spencer meant that much to me? Angel, he was my best friend for most of my life. I've known him since I was ten. He was the only one that supported me through thick and thin. He took care of me when I couldn't do it for myself. How could he not mean that much to me?"

Angel looked ashamed of herself. "Sorry. I guess I just didn't really see eye to eye with him most of the time."

"So you think that gives you the right to take a stab at him after he died? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Stop it, both of you," Jeff commanded, his voice echoing with authority. "I've had enough. You two used to be great friends. You started a band together; you were like sisters. Now you're both going through some shit, but that doesn't mean that you can just tear each other apart. You need each other."

Bailey paused, catching on to something that he had said. "We're both going through some shit?" She echoed. "Angel, what's up?"

Angel folded her arms across her chest and looked away. "Nothing's wrong with me. Jeff just doesn't know how to mind his own business, that's all."

Bailey looked up at Jeff. Even sitting down, he still towered over her. His greyish blue eyes were anxious as he gazed at Angel.

"What am I missing?" Bailey pressed.

"Nothing. Maybe I'm wrong," he didn't sound convinced. "Anyways, we should get going."

Bailey didn't argue. She felt drained. She had become accustomed to people trying to protect her, and it was hard for her to suddenly have someone confronting her. She remained silent as Jeff and Angel pulled on their jackets and opened the apartment door. She managed to give them a meek smile as they left, then she fell across the sofa and closed her eyes. She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that, but she was roused by the buzz of the intercom. She growled under her breath. Why didn't anyone understand that she just wanted to be alone?

"Yeah?" She asked, punching the button vigorously.

"Hey, it's Matt."

She sighed. She had completely forgotten that he was supposed to come over and check on her. "I'm fine, Matt. Really. You don't have to worry."

"Just let me in, okay?"

She hit the appropriate button and headed back to the couch. When Matt entered, she was wrapped up in her blankets.

"You expect me to believe that you're doing alright, even though you still look like this when I show up?"

Bailey looked up at him. She hadn't stopped to think about how it must have looked to him. "Sorry. I'm really okay. I just had a bad conversation with Angel."

"About what?" He seemed pleasantly interested. He sat down next to her and let her lean her head against his shoulder.

"Billy Talent. And Jeff seems to think that she's having some issues, but she won't talk about it."

"So what do you think about all of it?"

"I think..." she paused, contemplating. "That I don't want to have to deal with all of this right now. I just want to sleep for a month straight and wake up when it all blows over."

"As much faith as I have in your hibernation skills, I just don't think that's going to happen."

"But it would be nice, don't you think?"

Matt squeezed her shoulders soothingly. "Here's what I think. Maybe you should get out of the city for a few days. Maybe you could go see that nephew that you seem to be so crazy about," he proposed, picking up a framed photograph of the child from the end table nearest to him. "I mean, you only have four hundred pictures of him on your walls here; don't you think you could use some more?"

Bailey laughed lightly. "That's a good idea."

He ran his hand up and down her arm as if he were trying to keep her warm. "And maybe you could change out of this hoodie? I think it deserves to be washed. The cologne only covers so much."

She snuggled down into the fabric. "I guess I'm going to wear holes in it if I don't give it a rest, aren't I?"

"One step at a time. First the hoodie, then we'll tackle some other stuff."

"I don't want to lose him anymore than I already have," she whispered longingly.

"What do you mean?"

"I wish I could remember every moment I spent with him. I don't get to make any new memories, so I need to try and make the best of the ones that I already have."

"Is it hard to remember?" He lowered his voice a little bit.

"No. Well, in a sense, yes. It hurts, so that makes it hard. But the memories themselves... they're vivid. I remember most things when I'm sleeping, but they're so clear and real."

"But isn't that a good thing? You shouldn't be scared that you're going to lose your memories. You've got pictures and videos, right? And if all else fails, you can pull that thing from The Notebook and write everything down and have someone read it to you every day."

Bailey snorted. "You watched The Notebook?"

"Hey," Matt pulled back defensively. "I dated the same girl for three years, remember? I had to give in and watch a chick flick every now and then."

"I think I'm one of the only females alive that hates that movie. Hell, Spencer liked it more than I do. Then again, he liked a lot of things that I didn't. We were opposites in a lot of ways."

"Opposites attract."

She smiled inwardly and stared at a picture of herself and Spencer that was propped up on top of her television. "Sometimes. But mostly they just bring out the best in each other."