The Softer Side of Unbearable

The next few days passed in much the same fashion. Matt would appear when Bailey woke up in tears, and he would stay with her until the morning. She was growing to depend on him more than she had ever intended to. She was beginning to believe that he was the only one that could calm her down.

Matt was practically living in her apartment. He would go out during the day and give her space, but he returned every night. Nobody else was aware of what he was doing for Bailey. But it didn't take long for them to find out.

Bailey rolled over and grumbled, still half asleep, as her phone rang. She ran her hand across her nightstand, searching for a way to silence the noise. She grasped the receiver and groggily held it to her ear.

"Hmm?"

"Hey Bailey. Did I wake you up?"

Bailey felt herself perk up at the sound of Josh's voice. "Hey Josh! No, it's cool. What's up?"

"I haven't talked to you in awhile. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing."

She looked over at Matt, who was sitting up and rubbing his closed fists against his eyes. Despite herself, she smiled. "I'm doing okay."

Josh persisted. "Yeah, but how long has it been since you've really talked to someone? We should get a coffee or something today."

"Yeah, we could do that. But really, I've been talking to Matt a lot. He's here now; did you want to talk to him?"

"He's there right now?" Josh sounded baffled. "It's nine in the morning. Why is he there so early?"

Bailey could feel her cheeks heating up. "He... well, he never left last night. Or any other night for the past week."

There was a long silence through the line. Bailey was fighting for a way to explain when Matt snatched the phone from her fingers.

"It's not what you think," he began.

Bailey listened to the one-sided conversation. Matt carefully explained what he'd been doing over the past few days, and Bailey felt the sting of guilt. From the sounds of it, Josh didn't believe that things were as innocent as Matt said. Desperate to help him, she grabbed the phone and cut him off mid-sentence.

"Josh, listen. I've been having really bad nightmares, and Matt thought it would help if I could talk about them when they happened. He was right, and now he's just trying to keep them from getting to me. What's so wrong about that?"

"Is that seriously all that's going on?" Josh asked.

"I swear, that's everything. He's sleeping on the couch."

"Then I guess I can't really be upset. Are you sure you don't want to stay here again? This place seems kind of lonely without someone living on my couch."

"I really can't do that again. It wasn't helping me to have everyone smothering me. This way, Matt only comes if I need him. During the day, we do our own separate things and have our own space. I like it this way."

"And what are you doing all day? Come over, okay? I want to know what's going on with you."

"Yeah, I'll do that. See you soon."

Bailey hung up the phone and smiled apologetically at Matt. He smiled back at her and shook his head, as if to say that she had nothing to apologize for. She felt bad; the last thing she wanted to do was cause tension between Matt and Josh. And even she had to admit that the situation didn't look good to an outsider. If her brother knew that a boy was sleeping in her bed every night, he would have a stroke before she had the time to properly explain.

"Matt," she started.

"It's all good, Bailey," he interrupted. "I can handle Josh. I think you did a better job of convincing him than I did, so it'll be fine. Don't worry. We know what's going on here; isn't that all that matters? You never seemed like the type to care what people thought."

"I don't care," she agreed. "Well, I don't care when it's just me. I do care when it's your name that's getting dragged through the mud. You don't deserve to have any repercussions. You're just trying to help me."

He smiled softly. "It's really not that bad. I'm going to keep helping you, no matter what people say. You've been smiling a lot lately; I can't let you fall back on all that progress."

"I know that you're not going to listen if I try to argue. So I'm not even going to bother. Thank you. I owe you a lot."

"Yeah, you really do," he paused to chuckle lightly. "I'm going to head out. I'll come back tonight. Call me if you need anything."

Bailey nodded. "See you later."

Matt got up from her warm bed and headed out to the living room. He now had an impressive amount of clothing stored in a suitcase in her living room. She felt that he should have his own space there for the amount of time that he spent in the apartment, but she couldn't bring herself to find him any. She'd had some empty space in her closet before, but it was now filled with the things she'd inherited from Spencer. And what if something were to happen to her? Would Matt have to clean out her apartment and find his own things there in the way that she had? She felt that she was protecting him, just as he was trying to protect her.

When she heard the apartment door close, she got up and began to get ready for the day. After she was out of the shower, she opened her closet and pulled out a hoodie. A part of her still wanted to crawl into Spencer's sweater, but she knew that she couldn't do that again. She zipped up the plain grey hoodie and ran a brush through her hair.

Bailey headed off for Josh's apartment when she felt that she looked presentable. She was now in the habit of trying to look as good as possible when she knew that she was going to see someone. It made them feel that she was truly getting better. And she was.

Josh met her in the lobby of his building and greeted her with a hug. "You look really good, Bailey."

"Thanks. I feel pretty good, actually. I mean, I still have bad days, but it's getting a little easier."

"And... Matt?"

Bailey sighed as Josh held the door open for her. "I thought I convinced you on the phone that there's nothing going on between us."

Josh shot her a perplexed look as they walked down the street toward a nearby cafe. "No, I wasn't asking you that. I wanted to know if he's okay."

Bailey's eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at him. "What? He's fine. Why wouldn't he be?"

"Just take care of him, alright?"

His concern seemed completely unnecessary to Bailey. Matt was so worried about her; she had never noticed a reason for herself to feel that way about him. They were seated across from one another at a small table in the cafe when she voiced her question.

"Why do I need to take care of him? He's kind of taking care of me at the moment."

Josh batted a small creamer between his hands, watching the sealed white container skitter across the table. "He's not as easygoing as he makes everyone believe. I mean, he's a pretty mellow guy, don't get me wrong, it's just that he takes a lot of stuff to heart. I'd be willing to bet that it really hurts him when he sees you freak out every night."

"He always seems so calm, though. And he offered to stay with me; I never asked him."

"I'm not saying that he doesn't want to be there, Bailey," Josh corrected her. "I'm just saying that it's probably hitting him pretty hard. He seems to put himself out when it comes to a pretty girl."

Bailey tore at the corner of a paper napkin as she processed what Josh was saying. After a moment, she looked up at him. "So it's like Morphine?"

He frowned at her. "What? No, it's nothing like morphine. What are you talking about?"

A smile tugged at one side of her mouth. "Not the drug, the song. By Tupelo Honey. You know the one, right? It's not really well-known, but I thought you knew who they were."

"Yeah, I know who they are. I'm friends with them. Can you explain this theory, please?"

"I feel your pain like it's happening to me. What can I say that would take it all away?" She quoted. "That's what you're trying to tell me. Matt is going to get so caught up in my problem that it's going to feel like it's happening to him. Right?"

Josh looked a bit shocked, like he hadn't expected Bailey to find a way to sum it up so simply. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to say."

"I don't want that to happen to him. I want him to be able to live his own life. This is my issue; it shouldn't take him over like that."

"I know, Bailey. But I also know that he's not going to give up until he knows that everything is okay. He wants things to be normal again. Or, at least, as normal as they can possibly be. He really cares about you."

"But why?" She pressed, dropping the napkin and leaning forward across the table. "We didn't really hang out all that much. I would have called him a friend, sure, but I was closer to you."

"Matt likes consistency. He doesn't have a whole bunch of friends that are girls, and he doesn't want to lose any of the few that he has. He doesn't like the thought of losing any friends at all. But over the past little while, he's had a lot of fun with you. And now that you're getting closer to each other, he's kind of hoping that you'll be able to have even more fun together. Not now, obviously, but someday."

Bailey's eyes fell again. "What if I let him down?"

Josh gave her a comforting smile. "Something tells me that isn't going to happen."