The Softer Side of Unbearable

Matt reached out and touched her arm tentatively. When she didn't respond in the slightest way, he grew even more worried. "Bailey? Are you okay?"

She shook her head wordlessly. After a moment, she dropped her hands and looked at him with terrified eyes. Her face was pale and sallow.

"Who do you think you're losing?" He pressed. "You've got to talk to me."

"Angel's into something bad," she said. "She didn't look like herself. She was mean. I know that she gets that way with other people all the time, but she never used to talk to me like that. Now it feels like that's the only way that she talks to me at all."

Matt let out a laugh that was nearly silent, as though he knew that now was not the time to see any humor in the situation. "Maybe she was just holding back with you before."

Bailey shot him a narrow-eyed glare. "For six years? I find that kind of hard to believe. Are you going to take this seriously or not?"

"Sorry. Tell me what happened."

Bailey slumped down where she sat, and a frown cemented itself on her face. "Angel's into drugs. Jeff thinks it's meth, but she refuses to let anyone talk to her about it. I asked her if she was okay, and she flipped shit on me. I don't know what to do. I can't just let her continue like this. What if something happens? What if she overdoses?"

Matt was quiet for awhile as he took in what she was saying. He pursed his lips in contemplation. "She won't listen at all? I thought you were usually able to keep her under control," he mused quietly.

"She almost slammed the door in my face. I was just standing on her doorstep the entire time, looking like an idiot."

"As much as I want to help you," Matt's words were slow, as though he was thinking about each one before he said it. "I think that you should talk to Josh. He would be a much bigger help. He's kind of an expert on the subject."

Bailey breathed deeply. "I kind of want to keep this quiet. I don't want to involve many people. If this gets out, we might never get a tour again. Nobody wants to bring a health risk along with them. And, from what little I know about meth, it sounds like it's a pretty huge risk. How long until it kills her?" Her voice faded into a frightened whisper.

"Seriously," Matt's voice rang out, sounding unbearably loud after how quietly Bailey had been speaking. "Call Josh. He'll know how to help. He was addicted to heroin; he'll have an idea on how to get through to Angel."

"He doesn't even like Angel. He told her that she abandoned me after Spencer died. He yelled at her when she didn't keep an eye on me."

"Bailey, just because he doesn't enjoy her company right now, that doesn't mean that he wants to let her die. Trust me."

Bailey stared up at him as her eyes began to water. She took a few shallow breaths and blinked back her tears. Slowly, she nodded her head. "Okay. If you say so."

Matt got up from the couch and found her phone. He handed it to her wordlessly, then wandered into the kitchen. It was like he knew that she would appreciate a bit of privacy. It was a stupid thought, since he already knew everything, but it was nice that he gave her space when she needed it.

She let out a breath as she dialed. Kicking her feet up onto the coffee table, she listened to the ringing. The fifth ring was cut off as someone answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Josh, it's Bailey."

"Hey, Bailey! How are you? What's up? How's Matt doing?"

"I'm okay, and Matt's good," she replied. "But I have something to talk to you about. I need your help. And I know that you've done a lot for me lately, but this isn't completely for me."

There was a slight pause on the other end. "What is it?" He sounded exhausted, but there was no hint that he was upset with her.

"You know what you're talking about when it comes to addictions," Bailey began.

"What did you get into?" Josh's voice was suddenly alert.

"Nothing," she said hurriedly. "It's Angel. She's doing something pretty brutal. I don't know how to help her."

"What are we dealing with, exactly?" He was hesitant; almost nervous.

Bailey felt terrible for involving him at all. Would it be like reliving his own addictions? The last thing that she'd meant to do was bring his painful memories back to him. But she knew that this was probably her best bet, and more than anything she just wanted to help Angel. Her band was like her family for most of the year. She didn't want to lose that.

"Jeff thinks she's into meth."

Josh let out a small, almost impressed noise. "Wow. That's pretty hardcore, Bailey."

"You think I don't know that?" She tried to keep her voice rational and steady.

"Calm down. I met some people in rehab that had meth addictions. You don't need to know what to do tonight, do you? If I can have a day or two to figure this out, I can probably help more."

Bailey felt immensely relieved. Josh was always so good at lifting weights from her shoulders. "Take all the time you need. Thank you, Josh."

"Call me tomorrow, alright? I'll let you know what I figure out."

Bailey dropped the phone onto the couch beside her and sighed heavily. "Happy, Matt? I called Josh. He's going to try and help me."

"I knew he would," Matt called back. There was a loud clatter, followed by the splintering sound of breaking glass. "Shit! I'll replace that."

Bailey laughed. "It's okay. I've broken so many glasses that they're all mismatched anyways."

Matt walked back into the room a moment later, carrying two tall glasses filled with dark liquid. He handed one to Bailey as he took a seat beside her. She sipped the beverage wordlessly, then looked slightly shocked as she noticed the sharp burn of alcohol on her tongue.

"I figured that you needed that," he explained, smiling at her. "I mean, I sure would if I had a day like yours. Nobody wants to find out something like that, especially so soon after losing someone."

"Thanks," she said, taking another long drink. After a time, she sighed. "I was really hoping that things would be calm for awhile, you know? Maybe if everything was normal for awhile, I could finish that stupid song and go back to work. Now I've got this to focus on instead. How could I possibly take her on a tour when she's like this? I don't even care what she's feeling about the whole thing. Music isn't what she needs right now. She needs rehab."

"You're absolutely right," Matt nodded thoughtfully. "But there's nothing that you can do about it tonight. Your best bet is to wait until you hear from Josh. Then you'll just have to take it from there and see what you guys can accomplish."

When she'd finished her drink a few minutes later, she let her head fall back against the couch. She stared up at the ceiling in silence. The moments ticked by, but neither of them made a sound. Matt didn't know what to say to her; the way he saw it, this was the icing on the cake. This only proved how unjust the world was. Bailey hadn't deserved any of the misfortune that had befallen her lately, yet here she was fighting back tears yet again. He knew that she was still more upset over Spencer's death than she was letting on. Why did Angel have to get into drugs now, of all times? And just how much more could Bailey take?

"I think I'm going to go to bed," Bailey whispered, breaking the heavy silence.

Matt nodded, setting his empty glass down on the coffee table. "Okay. I'll sleep out here tonight and give you some space." He picked up a burgundy cushion and fluffed it between his hands.

"Are you nuts?" Bailey asked him incredulously. "If I'm going to have nightmares again, it's bound to happen tonight."

"Are you sure?"

She rolled her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet. "I can't be one hundred percent positive that my nightmares will come back. But it seems pretty likely that this might fuck up my subconscious."

She was partially right. She had a nightmare that night, but it wasn't quite what she had been expecting. Instead of seeing Angel overdosing, she found herself walking through a graveyard. She was facing a long line of headstones, partially obscured by a thin, clinging mist. As she wandered through the haze, she noticed a large weeping willow tree nearby. The branches reached low to the ground and some of the leaves brushed against a couple of the graves. She had been prepared to see Spencer's name carved into the stone, but she wasn't totally ready for the others that followed. Angel's name was on the next one, but that wasn't a huge surprise. As she progressed down the line, she grew continuously more upset. Her chest ached as she passed grave after grave, each holding the name of a loved one or treasured friend. Her parents were in two of the graves, followed by Josh, then Jeff. Next came her brother, then Matt. She was crying uncontrollably when she reached the final grave. Gavin. Her precious nephew; he shouldn't have been there. He was too young and innocent; he wasn't even aware that the world had a dark side yet. He was the only one that Bailey had never expected to leave her. She was alone, and there was nobody left to help her through.

"Bailey!"

Her eyes snapped open, and she could feel moisture on her cheeks. Worse still, she was shaking from head to toe. Matt had a strong grip on her shoulder, and she knew that he'd been trying to wake her from her nightmare. She looked up at his fearful, yet still tired face.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I was really hoping that this was all over," she choked. Her throat was thick from her tears.

A small smile flashed briefly in his warm eyes. "Come here, Bailey."

She sat up and slipped comfortably into his arms. She felt so safe there. Maybe that was why he was the only one that could calm her down so well. She closed her eyes and listened to his deep breathing.

"Don't be sorry, okay? This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. But I know you; you'll find a way to make this better. And until then, I'll be right here with you while you try to make the nightmares stop. We did it before, we can do it again. Right?"

She nodded numbly. "Okay."

He stroked her hair soothingly. "You'll be alright. I promise."

As it always seemed to be with Matt, she believed him. But she wasn't entirely sure why. He had no proof that everything would work out. He didn't know anything more than she did. But when he spoke, she listened. He seemed so certain that she couldn't doubt him.

She just hoped that somehow he would be proven right.