The Softer Side of Unbearable

Bailey had a few sporadic, shallow conversations with Matt over the next couple of days. She felt terrible about the way things had gone with him, and her apartment seemed to radiate with echoes now that she was in it alone. Despite her distaste for the idea of taking Angel on tour, she began to long for the chance to get away.

She was relieved to discover that they were flying to Winnipeg to meet up with the other bands. She couldn't imagine being trapped in a van with Angel and Jeff right then. Both of them seemed to be against her. They both believed that the tour would save Angel's life. Bailey, on the other hand, knew that Angel was the only one that could save herself. But there was still a slim chance that this would get her to open her eyes and see it for herself.

Bailey found Ben Kowalewicz as soon as the band arrived at the venue. He smiled, clearly delighted to see her. She reached out and hugged him, and felt that warm sense of safety that he'd provided her with before.

"I missed you, Ben."

"Really?"

She looked up at him, shocked by the surprise in his voice. "Of course. I came here, didn't I?"

"Yes, but I thought... Never mind. Go get ready; we have sound check soon."

Bailey nodded and began to help Jeff and Angel haul their equipment inside the stadium. She noticed that Ben was by her side, helping as well. She smiled to herself as she grabbed her bass and followed Angel inside.

Once all of their gear was set up and properly tuned, Angel began spinning her drumsticks around her fingers. She actually appeared a bit healthier, despite the flaking scabs that still peppered her face. Maybe it was the fact that she seemed to be happy.

"What changed your mind about the tour?" Ben asked Bailey, leaning casually against the wall beside her. "You look better. Not as sad, I mean."

Bailey shrugged without much emotion. "I'm still pretty beat up over losing him, Ben. But right now I have to focus on saving someone else. It would break me to have to go through all of that again."

"What happened?" Ben's eyebrows shot up.

Bailey nodded her head toward Angel, who was not chatting animatedly with Aaron from Billy Talent. "She got into some pretty bad shit. We're hoping that music will make her remember why she should get clean."

"That sucks. I hope it works."

"Me too."

There was a brief silence, and it was broken when Jeff joined them. He came up beside Bailey and leaned against her, bringing his elbow up to rest on her shoulder. She always felt so small beside him.

"Hey, Ben, it was really cool of you to invite us along for the tour."

"It really wasn't a big deal. I like your sound. And you seemed like decent people from what I saw of you," Ben flashed him a smile. "Then Bailey kind of reiterated that when I met her."

Bailey snorted. "Yeah, despite the fact that you literally saw me at my worst."

"Everybody's allowed to be at their worst sometimes. The main thing is that you made it through."

Bailey found herself biting the inside of her cheek. She decided to avoid the contradiction that was trying to force its was from her throat. She hadn't made it through. She felt as lost now as she ever did. The only difference was that now she knew she wasn't alone.

"I'd better go get ready for sound check," she said, excusing herself from the conversation.

Bailey spent the remainder of the afternoon busying herself with random jobs backstage. Most of the things she did were the duties of the roadies, but she needed to occupy her mind. And besides, she wasn't used to having roadies at all. She didn't even realize that she was taking away someone else's job until Jeff caught her hauling his guitars closer to the stage.

"Hey, I think the guitar tech is going to need to know where those are when we're getting ready for our set."

"What?" She looked up at him, perplexed. "You always keep them here. You don't have a guitar tech."

"True, but when someone lets you borrow theirs, you don't argue. What's up? You seem to be avoiding everyone like the plague."

"I am," she admitted. "I just needed some time to think, that's all. I want this to work, Jeff."

"It will. We're ready to be a band again."

When the crowd was filing in a little while later, Angel was nowhere to be found. Bailey felt the cold fingers of panic take hold of her insides. They were due onstage in ten minutes. Her vocal warm ups were finished already. Where the hell was Angel?

"Find her," Bailey hissed to Jeff. "We don't have time for this bullshit."

"She'll be here," he vowed.

Angel chose that moment to appear. Her eyes looked dead, but there was a smile on her face. "Sorry," she apologized. "Make up took a little longer than I'd intended." She spun her drumsticks around her fingers again.

"Alright," Bailey forced her irritation down into the pit of her stomach. "Tonight is a big deal. We're starting off with Too Late. And I threw in the new song that we've been practicing. It's the third song, okay? This is a new set list, so check it often. Don't get cocky. We're out of practice, but they don't need to know that if we're careful about it. I love you guys."

Jeff and Angel both nodded in response, grinning away. Bailey let a smirk dance across her own lips. This was why she was alive. This was her passion. The new song that she had included that evening was written about Angel. Of course, she would never tell Angel that. Bailey hadn't felt that her song for Spencer was quite ready to debut. But she was more than ready to express what she felt about her band mate.

When they lights went down, the trio rushed onto the stage and took their places. Bailey grabbed her microphone in one hand and whispered seductively to the screaming crowd.

"Are you out there, Winnipeg?" The only answer she received was a louder chorus of screaming. "One two three four!" She yelled. The lights came up and she was thrust into the spotlight. Almost immediately, as she started to play, she could feel tiny beads of sweat forming along her hairline.

The first two songs were some crowd favourites. She was having a blast as she let the last notes of the second song fade away.

"Alright, we are Antagonist Theory, and whether you've heard us before or not, you won't be forgetting us. My name is Bailey, this is Jeff on the guitar, and that little thing on the drums is Angel. We would just like to take a minute to thank Billy Talent for taking us on a tour with them," she had to pause while the crowd went wild over the headlining band. "We know you're all excited for them to come out, but we're not finished yet. We're going to play a new song for you now. I just finished writing it two days ago, and we've been trying to get it right for you guys. So let us know what you think. This one is called Masquerade."

The lights shifted, and Jeff started the song off with a strong guitar riff. Angel came in with the drums at the same time that Bailey began on the bass. Bailey noticed, however, that Angel's timing was slightly off.

"I think it's time to realize
That everyone that I know will die
Why do we even bother to care?
I never should have been surprised
You left me with tears in my eyes
Why was I so damn unprepared?

Maybe this is just a masquerade
We bleed for the ones with a price to pay
Turn a blind eye when we don't recognize
So take off your mask
Masquerade

I know the world believed you
Don't forget I'm a damn good actor too
Why did I even bother to care?
Don't pretend it's not the truth
The sky is falling on the grass around you
Now don't act like you're not scared

Maybe this is just a masquerade
We bleed for the ones with a price to pay
Turn a blind eye when we don't recognize
So take off your mask
Masquerade

Fragments of a shattered halo
Curse your steps as you cross them you know
Fragments of a shattered halo
Curse your steps as you cross them you know
You know

Maybe this is just a masquerade
We bleed for the ones with a price to pay
Turn a blind eye when we don't recognize
So take off your mask
Masquerade"

As the song neared its end, Bailey again heard something strange in Angel's playing. She risked a glance over her shoulder and saw that Angel was leaning much too far forward. She appeared to be on the verge of collapse, though she still struck the drum skins with as much precision as she could manage. Bailey knew that she wasn't going to last.

She walked over to Jeff, still strumming her bass. "We've got to get her the fuck off the stage. She's going down."

Jeff looked over his shoulder and saw Angel's condition for himself. As he played the last chord of the song, he nodded. The two handed their guitars to a waiting tech, then they both grabbed Angel by her arms and hauled her backstage.

"We need a medic!" Jeff yelled, leading Angel to a nearby folding chair. He turned to Bailey with wide eyes. "What are we going to do?"

Bailey's mind was running a mile a minute. She could hardly keep up with her own thoughts. "First, you're going to get her the fuck out of my sight. She was doing meth, not finishing her make up. This didn't help her at all."

"It could be withdrawals," Jeff argued as people began rushing around them.

"Don't be so naive. You know as well as I do that she lied. Get her help. I'll take care of the crowd."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, resolute. "This is what I was born for."

When Jeff reluctantly nodded his acceptance of her decision, she turned away. She rushed onto the stage, replacing the earpieces that she had somehow managed to yank out in all the commotion without realizing it.

She stood at her microphone and smiled, feeling nervous for the first time in years. "Hey, guys, sorry about the delay. It seems our set change isn't as quick as we'd planned. I'm trying to get a keyboard out here, but there seems to be an issue with it." She knew that the crew backstage was listening, and surely now they were rushing to get a keyboard set up for her. "So, until that happens, I'm just going to talk for a second. I want you to know, Winnipeg, just how much I love this city. We might only play a few shows on this tour, but we decided to kick it off here, where we knew the fans would be so amazing," she waiting for the sudden roar of cheers to die down. "And I'm speaking for the whole band when I say thank you. Whether you've seen us before, or even if this is your first time, thank you for being nice to us and listening to us. We love you guys."

She turned and watched a roadie disappear backstage, leaving a keyboard behind him. She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. She hadn't felt ready to play Spencer's song, but she felt now that she had no choice. It was the only song she'd written that she could play by herself.

And as she took her place behind the keyboard and gently touched her fingers to the keys, she wondered if she would do her best friend proud. Up there on that stage, she felt his presence. She appeared to be alone in every sense of the word. But suddenly she understood that Spencer had never really left her.

Taking a deep breath to prevent the tears from falling, she addressed the waiting crowd.