Status: This will be back up and running. I am asking everyone who contributed to repost their chapters. Don't give up.
Things I Hate About Myself
Two
"When's the due date?"
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Who's the daddy?"
Those words haunt her years after they were said. Why are kids so mean? That's all I want to know. How could someone so young be so mean and nasty at such a young age? Even if there's an answer, there's no changing the past.
And that's where the torture lies. Or at least the torture of subject. So maybe a certain child is overweight. That's no reason to leave them with no friends.
Her weight really started getting out of control when she was in about fourth grade. Or at least, that's when the teasing really started. One girl ruined her life in that school. Everyday for three years of elementary school, kids in all different grades yelled at her, "When's the due date?" "Is it a boy or a girl?" "Who's the daddy?"
Can someone please tell me why? Why would they do that? She did nothing to them. Absolutely nothing.
Did she ignore them? No. She would've loved the attention from the popular kids.
Was she rude to them? No. All she wanted was to be liked by them.
Her dad always picked her up from the after school program. After they exchanged hellos, his first words were always "How was your day?" She would swallow the lump in her throat before lying to him, time and time again, "Good."
When she day dreamed of her turn at prom in her senior year, she saw herself in a plus sized dress with fat coming out from every place possible. She saw herself with three chins. She saw herself stretching the clothes bought from Aeropostle, Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, etc.
But she never saw herself growing up into me. She was told in sixth grade, when everyone figured out which middle schools they were going to, that the middle school she was going to was a drug school. That in that school, you either had to be punk, Goth, or gangster to survive. She decided to become "punk." Her new favorite store was Hot Topic and she fell into something that she didn't know. She became a poser. A poser with a past, mind you. She had some reason.
In elementary school, she lived too far away to walk home. In middle school, she lived two streets away. The walk home was hard for her. She would come home with sweat dripping from her forehead. She shed so much weight. She went from around 160 lbs. in sixth grade to 120 lbs. in seventh.
And yet, she still continued to loose weight. She began to find her way in life. No longer calling herself "punk." She started to become something so different than what she thought she would be back in sixth grade.
She learned how to straiten her hair, she lost more weight, she bought different clothes, she gained friends, she became happy. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. The girl who had no friends in sixth grade. The girl who was constantly made fun of. Who was always unhappy...became me.
I am now at a healthy weight of 110, dating my boyfriend of over a month (not my first, may I add), and extremely happy. But the teasing won't go away. Even though I'm at a healthy weight, people tell me I'm cute and pretty, and I have a boyfriend, I still see myself as the overweight girl who sat in the corner trying to hide from the comments.
I can't change that. I've already changed so much about myself. So when I see my "thin" figure in the mirror, all I see is the fat hanging in certain places. All I see is my stomach when I suck it in. The way I want to be.
I don't have anorexia, mind you. But, sometimes, I wish I was. I would be loosing the weight that I want to loose. And then once that weight was gone, I would go back to my normal diet. But whenever I try, I just can't. And it hurts me like the kids in sixth grade did. More than anyone could ever know.
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Who's the daddy?"
Those words haunt her years after they were said. Why are kids so mean? That's all I want to know. How could someone so young be so mean and nasty at such a young age? Even if there's an answer, there's no changing the past.
And that's where the torture lies. Or at least the torture of subject. So maybe a certain child is overweight. That's no reason to leave them with no friends.
Her weight really started getting out of control when she was in about fourth grade. Or at least, that's when the teasing really started. One girl ruined her life in that school. Everyday for three years of elementary school, kids in all different grades yelled at her, "When's the due date?" "Is it a boy or a girl?" "Who's the daddy?"
Can someone please tell me why? Why would they do that? She did nothing to them. Absolutely nothing.
Did she ignore them? No. She would've loved the attention from the popular kids.
Was she rude to them? No. All she wanted was to be liked by them.
Her dad always picked her up from the after school program. After they exchanged hellos, his first words were always "How was your day?" She would swallow the lump in her throat before lying to him, time and time again, "Good."
When she day dreamed of her turn at prom in her senior year, she saw herself in a plus sized dress with fat coming out from every place possible. She saw herself with three chins. She saw herself stretching the clothes bought from Aeropostle, Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, etc.
But she never saw herself growing up into me. She was told in sixth grade, when everyone figured out which middle schools they were going to, that the middle school she was going to was a drug school. That in that school, you either had to be punk, Goth, or gangster to survive. She decided to become "punk." Her new favorite store was Hot Topic and she fell into something that she didn't know. She became a poser. A poser with a past, mind you. She had some reason.
In elementary school, she lived too far away to walk home. In middle school, she lived two streets away. The walk home was hard for her. She would come home with sweat dripping from her forehead. She shed so much weight. She went from around 160 lbs. in sixth grade to 120 lbs. in seventh.
And yet, she still continued to loose weight. She began to find her way in life. No longer calling herself "punk." She started to become something so different than what she thought she would be back in sixth grade.
She learned how to straiten her hair, she lost more weight, she bought different clothes, she gained friends, she became happy. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. The girl who had no friends in sixth grade. The girl who was constantly made fun of. Who was always unhappy...became me.
I am now at a healthy weight of 110, dating my boyfriend of over a month (not my first, may I add), and extremely happy. But the teasing won't go away. Even though I'm at a healthy weight, people tell me I'm cute and pretty, and I have a boyfriend, I still see myself as the overweight girl who sat in the corner trying to hide from the comments.
I can't change that. I've already changed so much about myself. So when I see my "thin" figure in the mirror, all I see is the fat hanging in certain places. All I see is my stomach when I suck it in. The way I want to be.
I don't have anorexia, mind you. But, sometimes, I wish I was. I would be loosing the weight that I want to loose. And then once that weight was gone, I would go back to my normal diet. But whenever I try, I just can't. And it hurts me like the kids in sixth grade did. More than anyone could ever know.