Status: Whenever I get the chance
Afterlife
Was That Weird? Or Was That Weird!
Monday morning, April the second, 8:30 in the A.M. Two months ago today my mother had committed suicide; took her life because she loved me so much. Two months of which I spent in a silent agony, trying to cry, to feel an emotion that I can never seem to grasp.
I had made it a habit to visit Jack's coffee shop and sit down at the table with Irene and her boyfriend Francois. I listen silently to their conversations which usually start with how each of them grew up and what they did with their life. Boring? Yes, repetitive? Yes Driving me insane? No. The afterlife is rather boring, and depressing although I haven't yet been able to feel any emotion, like I should.
I can see, everyday, in Francois eyes how much he cares for Irene. And in Irene I see a sincere start of love and possibly a relationship. Ever since her husband died quite early in their marriage she closed herself away from love, and from any man who ever crossed her path. It took her thirty years, but she did it. I wonder often how long it will take me to actually feel something? Thirty years sounds like a really long time although I know I have eternity and when I compare thirty measly years to eternity I know it will feel like only two years. At least I hope.
Today I didn't go to Jacks coffee shop. I needed some new scenery, to see younger people and teenagers my age. In fact I can't remember the last time I checked in on my friends. Knowing that Monday means school, I made my way to my old high school, St. Vincent Secondary. I had just arrived in time to see my two best friends Dianna, and Jeylen leaving the school grounds. What are they up to?
While walking beside them I can almost feel the happiness I always had when we were together. The three of us used to be inseparable. We used to joke that we were the three musketeers, but girls.
“I can't believe she's gone,” Jeylen said, with a sadness covering her voice and face. Jeylen was a short thin blond haired girl and one year younger then Dianna and I. We always used to tease her that she would hang out with older people, but she just made us look the same amount foolish when she'd say, “Oh yeah well you guys can't get any friends your own age so I wouldn't talk if I were you.”
“I know. Remember the time we all went down to the beach at night and tried playing tag!” Dianna said, instantly lightening Jeylens' spirits.
“Yeah and Addison fell face first into the sand and got it in her mouth!” Jeylen said. I smiled as they laughed, remembering how I must have looked like such a fool.
“Omigod and it took us forever because she was too stubborn to just swallow it.” They both laughed louder but it was when Jaylen said, “She was stubborn. Couldn't just wash it out with the beach water because fish and people and whatever else peed in it! We had to bring her home just so she could use clean water,” that tears leaked out of their eyes as they walked with arms around each other.
Before I could realize how far we walked, or even wonder where they were going that was so important that they had to skip out of school for, we had stopped in the town's cemetery. I stood rooted at the wire framed entrance as I watched them walk over to a small gravestone that was set into the ground. Once I stood beside them again I read the stone.
Here lies Addison Dawson December 12, 1991- October 19, 2009
Missed, but loved for eternity.
And the stone next to mine was for my mother Kristen Dawson. I knelt down at the exact same time as my friends, and swiped my invisible fingers across my mothers stone. Then I looked at my friends who were pulling little garden flowers and two hand shovels out of a bag that I hadn't realized they'd been carrying.
“We know how you used to loved marigolds so we bought you some and are going to decorate this empty place with some life,” Dianna said to the stone in the ground like she was talking to me.
“Yeah since we can't have a room just for you I guess this will have to do,” Jeylen added.
“Actually Jeylen, don't lie to Addison. I just want to say that we do have a room of just you,” Dianna smiled, but Jeylen added, “no it's actually a corner of a room because that's all we were aloud to have. And just to let you know, if you can hear us we've kept absolutely everything we have ever shared together.”
“Yeah the old notes we used to write in class, and your stuffed animal moo- shoe. We have a table set up with candles and pictures of all of us together,” Dianna was on the verge of tears as she spoke and I was, or should have felt, mad that I couldn't do anything to cheer her up.
“Oh Addison why did you have to be abducted? We don't even know if you are dead or what we should do. The stupid cops only searched for four stinking months and no lead on what happened,” Jeylen busted out in tears, and Dianna followed her lead leaving me the only one not crying, though, no matter how baldy I wanted to cry with them, I couldn't.
The snorting, tear stained Dianna then said, between sobs, “I wish you could just talk to us, and tell us what happened to you. Sometimes we think of dying just so we could be with you forever. Everything is just been so messed up lately. First you, then your mom...”
“We don't even know what to think anymore,” Jeylen wailed in the empty space surrounding the three of us.
“But before we forget what we came to do, we are going to plant you these flowers in hopes that we will find you,” Dianna said through the tears.
“And for our never ending friendship,” Jaylen added. Then they both said, “Always and forevermore.”
They both sat there in silence, with tears leaking down their hot red cheeks as they planted the marigolds in the ground. When they were finished Jeylen took a water bottle from the bag and watered the plants, wiping away tears as she did.
They packed the empty plant cases and shovels then stood in unison. They Blew my grave a kiss, and my mothers too and just stood there. I got up and stood directly in front of them, as they looked down at the stones.
I said, “I can't answer any of your questions, I wish I could; you don't even know. I love you guys!” and I threw my arms around them. They passed right through Jeylen, but when I came to Dianna they stopped around her. I was actually hugging her! Suddenly she shivered, and seconds later a cold wind brushed over us. Well, all but me.
“Did you feel that?” Dianna asked, but Jeylen looked confused.
“The wind?”
“No before the wind. That searing heat. It would have been around your waist?”
“No, I didn't feel anything,” Jeylen confirmed.
“Oh, that's weird then. Well Addison,” she said, turning her attention back to my stone,” we have to go now, but stop by anytime you want.” she drew the back of her hand across her eyes and then both of them walked side by side out of the cemetery.
I had made it a habit to visit Jack's coffee shop and sit down at the table with Irene and her boyfriend Francois. I listen silently to their conversations which usually start with how each of them grew up and what they did with their life. Boring? Yes, repetitive? Yes Driving me insane? No. The afterlife is rather boring, and depressing although I haven't yet been able to feel any emotion, like I should.
I can see, everyday, in Francois eyes how much he cares for Irene. And in Irene I see a sincere start of love and possibly a relationship. Ever since her husband died quite early in their marriage she closed herself away from love, and from any man who ever crossed her path. It took her thirty years, but she did it. I wonder often how long it will take me to actually feel something? Thirty years sounds like a really long time although I know I have eternity and when I compare thirty measly years to eternity I know it will feel like only two years. At least I hope.
Today I didn't go to Jacks coffee shop. I needed some new scenery, to see younger people and teenagers my age. In fact I can't remember the last time I checked in on my friends. Knowing that Monday means school, I made my way to my old high school, St. Vincent Secondary. I had just arrived in time to see my two best friends Dianna, and Jeylen leaving the school grounds. What are they up to?
While walking beside them I can almost feel the happiness I always had when we were together. The three of us used to be inseparable. We used to joke that we were the three musketeers, but girls.
“I can't believe she's gone,” Jeylen said, with a sadness covering her voice and face. Jeylen was a short thin blond haired girl and one year younger then Dianna and I. We always used to tease her that she would hang out with older people, but she just made us look the same amount foolish when she'd say, “Oh yeah well you guys can't get any friends your own age so I wouldn't talk if I were you.”
“I know. Remember the time we all went down to the beach at night and tried playing tag!” Dianna said, instantly lightening Jeylens' spirits.
“Yeah and Addison fell face first into the sand and got it in her mouth!” Jeylen said. I smiled as they laughed, remembering how I must have looked like such a fool.
“Omigod and it took us forever because she was too stubborn to just swallow it.” They both laughed louder but it was when Jaylen said, “She was stubborn. Couldn't just wash it out with the beach water because fish and people and whatever else peed in it! We had to bring her home just so she could use clean water,” that tears leaked out of their eyes as they walked with arms around each other.
Before I could realize how far we walked, or even wonder where they were going that was so important that they had to skip out of school for, we had stopped in the town's cemetery. I stood rooted at the wire framed entrance as I watched them walk over to a small gravestone that was set into the ground. Once I stood beside them again I read the stone.
Here lies Addison Dawson December 12, 1991- October 19, 2009
Missed, but loved for eternity.
And the stone next to mine was for my mother Kristen Dawson. I knelt down at the exact same time as my friends, and swiped my invisible fingers across my mothers stone. Then I looked at my friends who were pulling little garden flowers and two hand shovels out of a bag that I hadn't realized they'd been carrying.
“We know how you used to loved marigolds so we bought you some and are going to decorate this empty place with some life,” Dianna said to the stone in the ground like she was talking to me.
“Yeah since we can't have a room just for you I guess this will have to do,” Jeylen added.
“Actually Jeylen, don't lie to Addison. I just want to say that we do have a room of just you,” Dianna smiled, but Jeylen added, “no it's actually a corner of a room because that's all we were aloud to have. And just to let you know, if you can hear us we've kept absolutely everything we have ever shared together.”
“Yeah the old notes we used to write in class, and your stuffed animal moo- shoe. We have a table set up with candles and pictures of all of us together,” Dianna was on the verge of tears as she spoke and I was, or should have felt, mad that I couldn't do anything to cheer her up.
“Oh Addison why did you have to be abducted? We don't even know if you are dead or what we should do. The stupid cops only searched for four stinking months and no lead on what happened,” Jeylen busted out in tears, and Dianna followed her lead leaving me the only one not crying, though, no matter how baldy I wanted to cry with them, I couldn't.
The snorting, tear stained Dianna then said, between sobs, “I wish you could just talk to us, and tell us what happened to you. Sometimes we think of dying just so we could be with you forever. Everything is just been so messed up lately. First you, then your mom...”
“We don't even know what to think anymore,” Jeylen wailed in the empty space surrounding the three of us.
“But before we forget what we came to do, we are going to plant you these flowers in hopes that we will find you,” Dianna said through the tears.
“And for our never ending friendship,” Jaylen added. Then they both said, “Always and forevermore.”
They both sat there in silence, with tears leaking down their hot red cheeks as they planted the marigolds in the ground. When they were finished Jeylen took a water bottle from the bag and watered the plants, wiping away tears as she did.
They packed the empty plant cases and shovels then stood in unison. They Blew my grave a kiss, and my mothers too and just stood there. I got up and stood directly in front of them, as they looked down at the stones.
I said, “I can't answer any of your questions, I wish I could; you don't even know. I love you guys!” and I threw my arms around them. They passed right through Jeylen, but when I came to Dianna they stopped around her. I was actually hugging her! Suddenly she shivered, and seconds later a cold wind brushed over us. Well, all but me.
“Did you feel that?” Dianna asked, but Jeylen looked confused.
“The wind?”
“No before the wind. That searing heat. It would have been around your waist?”
“No, I didn't feel anything,” Jeylen confirmed.
“Oh, that's weird then. Well Addison,” she said, turning her attention back to my stone,” we have to go now, but stop by anytime you want.” she drew the back of her hand across her eyes and then both of them walked side by side out of the cemetery.