First Impressions

Two weeks pass by. Then a month. Then another. They all pass by fairly slowly, like school is my only life besides The Time Capsule. Life was depressing.

So, for a sudden change that would hopefully transfer from my body to my mind, instead of wearing my normal long-sleeved-layered-with-t-shirt look, I decided to dress it up a little. A black flowy knee-length skirt with a snugly fit yellow polka dot t-shirt. Plus, instead of having my hair down and hiding my face, I pull it back into a high-pony tail.

Of course, this does put my scars in plain view, but at the moment, that doesn't really matter to me. Maybe, if I just keep trying to feel different, I will be different.

I walk to school with a slight bob in my step. True, when I step through the doors and walk down the hallways, nobody notices anything different about me in particular, but that doesn't matter to me.

I hike my backpack higher up on my shoulders as I get closer to my locker. To do so, I have to pass a certain group of lockers.

They notice the change. Brad especially.

I take a small glance at them, and to my surprise, I even smile a little. Their facial expressions don't really change. Not fast enough at least because I'm already past them.

The day goes by in a slight blur, and then I'm in my art class working on pastels as I draw an ocean. It's my landscape project. The moon reflects off the ocean water as waves crash down on the cool, dark sandy beach with a beach ball left behind, slightly floating in the shallow water.

Mr. Stratnam stands behind me as I finish that last details for the day.

"Very interesting, Ms. Flicka." Mr. Stratnam hums, leaning in a little closer to get an even closer look. "I feel a sense of exposure. Perhaps a slight change within your soul."

I glance over my shoulder at him with raised eyebrows and a skeptical expression. He sees this and lets out a laugh, patting me on my shoulder.

"It's a very good improvement from your bones. That was depressing. I feel a change of aurora around you." His hands whirl around my head expressively. He was referring back to when he made us pick out a couple bones to draw with charcoal. I picked a slightly broken rat's skull.

He walks away with another pat on my shoulder. I set down my red pastel, reaching for my black to make it a shade darker when I realize it isn't there. I look around and finally spot it in front of my table, right behind Brad.

Something different for the day. A change. Do something!

"Er, Brad? Could you hand me my black?" I ask, pointing to the floor when he looks at me. He bends over and hands me two pieces, since it had broken. Our fingers brush very slightly, and I smile at him. "Thank you."

It's like he's frozen for a good five seconds before he sends an ever so small quirk of the lips. He suddenly turns around and continues working on his project. Unlike everyone else, I included, he refuses to work on a tri-pod. He prefers working on his desk, so people can't catch a glimpse of his work without him noticing.

The bell rings, and I turn in my project. Mr. Stratnam nods at me to set it down on his desk while he continues sketching something.

I walk out of the room. The day continues on, to anyone else it may have seemed normal, but for me it was a strangely good day.

In music appreciation, we listened to five different students play five different songs and explain their opinion on what the song means. Two of the five students played rap, one student played country, another played a very heavy metal song, and the other played a classic rock song.

I liked the last song the last student played because I knew it very well. It was John Cougar Melloncamp. A very old song that Mom and I used to sing all the time when I was little.

Hurt so good

Come on, baby

Make it hurt so good

Sometimes love don't feel

Like it should

Make it hurt so good

I leave class today with that song stuck in my head. At lunch, my routine has always been eating an orange or apple at my locker while I do homework or study. Another strange thing: no teacher had assigned homework or given out a date for a quiz/test this week. I settle for just jotting down some new lyrics for a song I was thinking about.

I chomp into my apple as I stare down at my notebook while a pair of shoes come into my view. I look up to see a boy staring down at me. He shuffles awkwardly as I watch him, finally swallowing the rest of my apple.

"May I help you?" I question with slight confusion coming through my voice. He jerks his head into a nod and clenches his hands in front of him.

"Er, yeah. H-hi, Autum. Um, I was just-er-wondering if I could sit with you?"

My eyebrows shoot up. What. The. Hell.

I don't exactly want to turn him away so harshly, but I don't really want company at the moment. Just as I keep contemplating my decision, someone else answers for me.

"Sorry, dude. I'm sitting with her today." A voice comes, making said 'dude' jump and mumble an apology. He walks away, constantly looking over his shoulder. Once he's out of sight, I look up at the other person.

"Hi." Tash mutters, taking a seat beside me. I give him a wide, open mouthed smile. "It appears that you are having an abnormal day."

"Says who?" I question, still smiling.

"The whole student body: 'Depressed Girl Suddenly Becomes Miss Smiles.'" He says, gesturing with his hand like it's a headline of a newspaper. I raise an eyebrow curiously.

"I just feel different today." I shrug, taking another bite of my apple. He nods and we just sit in silence.

"Can I tell you some stuff?" Tash asks suddenly, once again luring my attention away from my book. I instantly know what he wants to tell me, and despite the fact that I really don't want to know, I nod my head and listen to his voice.

"We miss you so much, Autum. It's weird because whenever we try hanging out, we always end up either talking about you or no one says anything because we're thinking about you. It's not the same like it was before you moved here because Shelby is now part of the group and Brad isn't so pissy and Shale and Trev are now a couple." He rushes his words, almost like he thinks that he's running out of time.

"Brad misses you so much-"

"But I'm doing him a favor." I try cutting in.

"No, you're not. You're hurting him a lot. All he wants is to be with you, just like the rest of his. I think he misses you the most. And he never shuts up-ever! All he talks about is what you did this day and what you did that day. Then he always asks what he should do when we've already given him the answer." The last couple of sentences make me laugh inside and also make me feel slightly depressed again.

Then I realize what Tash is trying to do. I feel a surge of anger go through my veins involuntarily.

"No, what I did was for him. He doesn't deserve having a depressed girlfriend, Tash. He needs someone who smiles and who laughs. Someone who doesn't cry all the time. So, you know what? Just tell him that what I did, I did for him." I snarl, slapping my book shut and tossing the half eaten apple into a nearby garbage can. "Just leave me alone."

I slam my locker shut and walk away.

I don't know why I just got so angry and I have no idea why I did and said those things.

But, it cannot be taken back nor can it be forgotten.

Maybe, in the end, I'm supposed to just be an old bitter banshee.