Will You Be There for Me?

I woke up entangled in Shaun’s arms, not really thinking anything of it. It felt right in a sense and I smiled slightly to myself.

Shaun was definitely one of those guys who looked absolutely adorable when he slept and I couldn’t help but stare until he started turning in his sleep.

I rested my hand lightly on his chest to calm him down and he almost instantly woke up, taking my hand in his as he opened one eye and smiled back at me.

“Sleep well?” He yawned.

I nodded my head and laughed lightly.

“How’s your head?”

I stared at him oddly, wondering why he would be asking about my head and I instantly remembered all the drinking I did last night, “Oh, it’s fine. I’m a little parched, but that’s it.” I smiled before climbing over him to grab the glass of water that sat on the nightstand next to him.

I quickly gulped down the water before setting it back down and noticing how awkwardly positioned I was sitting on top of Shaun.

“Um, hi?” He smiled awkwardly at me, just noticing I was straddling him.

“Um, hi.” I laughed, “Sorry.” I mumbled.

“It’s all good.” He smiled before grabbing both of my hands lightly.

“What is with you and my hands?” I laughed.

“They’re really soft and warm all the time.” He replied with a laugh.

“Um thanks… I do what I can?” I replied.

He smiled softly up at me, his hazel eyes smiling back. My heart started to slow down, or so it felt, and we just sat there silently, well I did, before realizing the space in between us was growing smaller and smaller.

I really wanted to keep going and kiss him, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep doing this to him, and me. I can’t keep telling him I don’t want anything with him, then go off and kiss him whenever I felt like it.

I quickly pushed myself off of him and sat down next to him.

“Sorry.” I said almost instantly, raking my hands through my hair, a new habit I had learned from Shaun.

“It’s all good, it was my fault anyway.” He mumbled, clearly a little bit hurt that I didn’t want to kiss him.

“Alright, it’s not that I didn’t want to kiss you, y’know? It was just, I don’t want to send you mixed signals I guess?” I replied with more of a question.

“I said it’s all good. And there are no mixed signals, y’know, I know you like me, and stuff, so kissing me when it’s in the moment and stuff doesn’t throw me off. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I just don’t know how to explain it.”

“No, I get it, it’s just I keep telling you I don’t want a relationship, but I keep acting like we are, and I don’t want you to think we’re all dating and crap when we’re not.”

“I know, but it’s not a big deal, it was in the moment, and if we did kiss again I’d understand and stuff, just don’t make a kiss a bigger deal than it really is.”

I nodded my head solemnly before getting off the bed, “Where ya going?” Shaun asked as he set his hands on his face.

“I need to shower hardcore.” I laughed, “You can take one after me if you want.” I offered.

“I think I will, thank you.” He smiled.

“No problem.” I smiled back and grabbed some clothing. “Oh, do you and the guys want to do anything today? Y’know, if you’re not busy?”

“We can go surf or something. I haven’t been to the beach in a while, I’m always stuck in the snow.” Shaun laughed.

“Alright, call the guys over and stuff and I’ll shower quickly.” I replied, grabbing my swimsuit and making my way into the bathroom.

I quickly showered and put on my bathing suit under my clothes, wearing my board shorts as normal shorts. I quickly brushed my hair before blowing drying it to point where it was partly dried and partly wet and I just let it fall where it wanted.

“The guys are downstairs eating out your fridge.” Shaun laughed as soon as I exited the bathroom.

“Tell me something new.” I laughed as Shaun made his way around me and into the bathroom.

“I’ll tell you something new when I have something new to tell.” Shaun smiled, closing the door silently before I made my way downstairs.

“Well isn’t it the life of the party!” Mason exclaimed.

“Shut up dude.” I mumbled as I sat down on one of the chairs by the island.

“You got really hammered last night, how’s that hangover?” Scotty laughed.

“Non-existent. I don’t get hung over.” I smiled proudly sticking out my tongue.

“You bitch. So you can drink, not throw up, and then wake up all fine and dandy?” Scotty asked.

“Ya, it’s because I’m magic.” I smiled triumphantly.

“Well la-dee-da!” He laughed as I rolled my eyes.

We each sat around the island in silence, each their-own bowl of cereal, as we waited for Shaun to meet us downstairs, which didn’t take too long.

“Ready to go, Flying Tomato?” Mason laughed.

“Yes.” Shaun mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Jake, I’m borrowing your board, since you still haven’t purchased me a new one, cough, cough.” I replied.

“Fine.” He sighed heavily rolling his eyes, “By the way, your drunk texts are the worst.” He laughed.

“What did I send you this time?” I laughed getting up and tossing my towel over my shoulder, because luckily enough for me, my parents bought a house that was practically on the beach.

“Well one says ‘I can’t have’ then dollar sign, at sign, euro sign, pound sign, number sign, hyphen, semicolon, percent, then fuck.” Jake replied, looking up at me blankly as everyone else laughed.

“What does that mean?!” Zane asked laughing his ass off.

“I don’t know!” I laughed, shrugging my shoulders.

“There’s one more, it says ‘I feel like Samantha’s always end up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks.’ What could possibly per sway you to say that?” Jake asked.

“I don’t know!” I laughed along with everyone else, “I don’t even know a Samantha!”

“Reminds me of your high text where you were 72% sure there was a monster under your bed.” Chris laughed.

“Shut up, I’m going to the beach.” I mumbled opening the sliding glass doors that were connected to the kitchen and I closed them behind me.

Jake waved to me with a smug smile, knowing I knew perfectly well I’d be down by the beach for a little while before anyone would follow me.

I stuck out my tongue and lowered the neckline of my shirt a little bit to show my cleavage in a mocking manner.

Jake looked at me in shock while all the guys laughed, except Shaun who looked a little flustered.

I smiled back at him shrugging my shoulders lightly before opening the door slightly and sticking my head in.

“Seduction.” I whispered loudly, laughing at the end. “Stealing your board by the way.” I smiled before closing the door and grabbing his board that was leaning against the side of the house.

I quickly made my way down the steps in my backyard that led me down to the beach before finding a place close, yet far enough from the water that once the tide came in my stuff wouldn’t get soaked.

I hadn’t bothered to bring shoes, so I quickly took off my shirt and laid it down on top of my towel before raking my hand through my hair as I checked the water.

“Hey, you.” Shaun whispered in my ear, catching me off guard and making me jump.

“Fuck dude, you scared me.” I laughed, turning to face him as I put my hand over my heart as if it slowed it down.

“Sorry.” He smiled, hugging me as to apologize.

“No biggie, are you surfing then?” I asked, pointing out the board he had brought with him.

“Of course, the waves look gnarly today.”

“Because they are, now lets go.” I urged as I grabbed my board and made my way into the water.

I quickly attached the Velcro strap onto my foot before getting on my board and paddling out to where I could catch some waves.

I saw a wave forming and I knew it was going to be one of those huge waves and I smiled to myself paddling towards it before jumping onto my feet once the wave was big enough.

I simply rode the wave, nothing fancy, to start off as to get the hang of it before doing the really complex stuff.

Shaun quickly followed suit and we surfed for a good while before I grew tired and all the boys arrived.

I paddled back to shore and quickly handed the board off to Jake so he could surf with everyone else as I sat down on my towel next to Mason.

“So, Shaun slept over last night.” Mason asked.

“Ya.” I replied, watching the boy with the flaming red hair crash into the water.

“He told me what you said to him last night when you were drunk.” Mason stated, grabbing my attention.

“Oh, what did he say, I don’t even remember.” I frowned.

“He said you told him why you were really scared to go out with him. He said you were scared of falling for him and scared of commitment and losing him and that he’ll never be there for you if something were to happen.”

I nodded slowly, Shaun and I’s whole conversation came flooding back and hit me like a train, I had confessed to him I was scared of falling in love with him, and that took me by surprise, because I literally had no idea why I was scared when I told him I was scared. The truth was, I really was scared of falling in love with him. It was strange to know this or even feel this kind of emotion, because I’ve never had this problem with anyone else.

“Why are you scared of that? If anything you should be ecstatic and should be bending over backwards to go out with him.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m just scared. I’ve never even had a though occur to me where I should not go out with a boy because of that.”

“Yes, but why are you scared?”

“Because I am. Everyone says they feel absolutely safe when they find ‘the one’, and I understand that, everyone wasn’t to feel safe, no doubt, but there’s also that huge factor of having all that safety snatched away from you, y’know? You’re never really safe when you find the one, you feel safe, but you’re exceptionally vulnerable at the same time. Sure, they can make you feel safe and like nothing can hurt you, but that person can quickly take away that safety net right from under your feet, and that’s what I’m scared of. I’m sacred of fucking up, or something happening that he just yanks everything away from me and leaves me to pick up everything by myself because after that he won’t be around. He says he’ll always be there for me, but the day where we brake up he’s never going to talk to me, he won’t have my back. I’ll never see him again, and that’s really scary, Mason.”

“How do you know that’ll happen? When you find that person, that’s a risk you’re going to have to be willing to take. You can’t have the good without the bad; that just doesn’t happen, the only possible way that could ever happen to you is if he fucks up or you fuck up. And from the sound of it, it won’t be you fucking up because you’re too scared of the consequences and you care too much for Shaun to let that happen, and he cares far too much for you to ever let that happen. He’s just as scared as you are Alison, the only difference is he’s willing to take the risk; he’s willing to take that risk for you. If it means he can be happy and be with you, he’ll take that risk. He views that whole situation like he views snowboarding. You’ll never know the outcome unless you try, you have to treat this like you would treat learning a new trick, you have to take the risk and just go for it, you can’t look back or hold back because you’ll never know or it could end horribly anyway. I know you’re scared he’ll never be there for you if all goes wrong, but Shaun will always be there for you, even if it ends horribly. He may get upset, but he’ll always be there for you because he cares about you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he loved you, for fuck’s sake! He’s only known you a few months and you’re all he talks and thinks about, he cares about you more than he cares about anybody else, no doubt. I mean, you know how it was during the Dew Tour for those two weeks when he was upset with you, he still cared about you and was still there for you and still showed up to your competitions. And I know Shaun said he’d wait for you, and I know he will, but he won’t forever. He’ll wait as long as he possibly can, that can be weeks, months, year’s maybe, but he won’t wait for you forever, Alison. If you really want this, and I know you do because I see how you look at him and how happy you are whenever he’s around, you’re going to have to straighten your shit out and get over this little fear of yours. And I swear to God, if you two don’t end up together I will lock you both in a closet until you guys come out with a little ginger child.” Mason laughed jokingly.

I smiled back at him and nodded my head, taking in everything he had said, I definitely had a lot to think about, but I don’t know how long it’ll take me to get over my stupid little fear that was holding me back from something greater. Even more so, I’m scared that I’ll take to long and that Shaun will have already moved on once I’m ready.