Will You Be There for Me?

My house was a disaster, yet I could’ve cared less. The music was pumping so loud that nothing was standing still, every corner of my house was filled with a large group of people, my house reeked of alcohol and weed, and I wasn’t complaining.

I took a quick sip of my vodka, finishing off my beverage before making my way back into the kitchen.

“Happy birthday dude.” Zack smiled, giving me a hug.

Zack was one of my classmates who were attending the party. I had a good mixture of fellow classmates and fellow boarders I had met, it was intense and everyone was chilling, especially since most of the people didn’t know my other friends were huge boarders and were pretty famous.

“Thanks.” I smiled back at him before pouring myself another cup of alcohol.

Unfortunately, Shaun was nowhere in sight. He either wasn’t coming, hadn’t arrived, or was here, I just hadn’t found him yet.

I was already buzzed, probably from the two Jager bombs I had already taken, but again, caring definitely wasn’t on my list tonight.

I quickly made my way back into the living room to find Scotty, Mason and Nick all talking so I made my way over to them.

“Happy birthday!” They all said simultaneously before pulling me into a huge groups hug.

“Thanks, you haven’t see Shaun though, have you?” I asked quietly before Nick rested his arm around my waist.

It was so weird to have him act all couple like with me; I didn’t like it, it was awkward. I knew being physical with anyone else either than Shaun was going to always feel awkward and wrong, so I wiggled my way out of his grasp.

“No, we haven’t. Sorry dude.” Scotty frowned.

“S’all good.” I replied, fumbling around with my red party cup.

“Wait, here he is, speak of the devil.” Mason smiled as he pointed behind me.

I quickly turned around to find Shaun smiling back at me, unfortunately with his arm around Ashley’s.

I smiled back at him though; completely shrugging off the fact Ashley was here.

“Happy birthday.” He said in my ear as he hugged me tightly.

“Thanks, I was worried you wouldn’t show up.” I laughed, trying not to notice as Ashley clung herself to Shaun’s arm.

“Dude, I wouldn’t have missed your 18th birthday! I mean, you’re legal in Europe now!” He laughed.

“Well then, tonight I abide by their laws!” I smiled holding up my cup filled with vodka and whiskey.

“But we’re in the USA.” Ashley spoke up.

“Would you like some?” I asked, completely ignoring her comment.

“Um, I’m ok.”

“You sure? I mean; you could have a beer, or a shot, a Jager bomb even. Wine? If you want to be classy I guess.” I shrugged.

“No I’m good, I’ve never been drunk and I don’t plan on ever getting drunk or letting people see me that way.”

“It’s not like it matters, most of the people here are fucked out of their minds.”

“Are you?” She asked abruptly.

“Not yet, but well on my way.” I smirked.

“I could use something to drink.” Shaun spoke up.

“You know where the kitchen is dude, I’m not going to go fetch it for you.” I laughed.

“What are you having?”

“Um, this is vodka and whiskey. I had some rum and a Jager bomb earlier though.” I replied.

“Alright, well I’ll be right back then.” He mumbled before heading off towards the kitchen.

I grabbed Ashley’s arm and drug her outside onto the patio where it was quieter.

She looked at me slightly scared, afraid that I’d hurt her or something.

“Dude, chill.” I laughed as I sat down on the patio steps and motioned for her to sit next to me, “I just want to talk.” I smiled at her.

She sighed lightly, as if taking a huge breath of air that she had been holding in and she smiled abck at me.

I held my alcohol between my knees and fumbled around with the cup.

“I just wanted to apologize for the other day, that was way out of line. So I’m sorry.” I replied truthfully.

“Oh, um thanks. I’m sorry too for whatever I did.” She smiled.

“Nah, you didn’t do anything. It’s just, you’re super conservative compared to me, y’know? I’m not used to it, and I know you didn’t mean any harm, it’s just, sometimes the way you phrase things, comes off a lot harsher than you think, y’know? I’m really protective of my friends and family, but what I did was way out of line. I understand you were just watching out for my best interests, but you really don’t need to. I’m smart and I have a lot of people who have my back and are there for me, you have nothing to worry about. I was exposed to all of this at an early age so I wouldn’t go overboard on all of it and end up like those child actors. So I’m in good hands. Zane’s got my back; Jake, Chris, Scotty and Mason all have my aback. Even Shaun has my back, so it’s all good.” I smiled.

“Alright.” She nodded. “You know, Shaun talks about you a lot.”

“Does he?” I smiled, taking a sip of my alcohol.

“Ya, all the time really. Nothing but good things too, even the other day, I know he called you a bitch, but he really doesn’t think so. He, like, admires you.” She laughed as she played with her fingers

“I don’t think I’d say that.” I laughed.

“No, it’s true. After he’s hung out with you all he can talk about is how ‘wild’ you were and stuff. He really admires you and stuff. I’m actually really envious.” She confessed.

“Envious of me? Please.” I laughed.

“No I am, like, I wish I could get along with guys as easily as you can, I wish I could board, I wish Shaun would talk about me and how wild I am. But he never does, it’s only about you.”

“If anyone should be envious, it’s me.”

“Why?”

“You have this perfect relationship with him, I’m just his best bud, y’know?”

She fell silent and kicked at the ground softly, “Ya, Shaun and the guys have told me about the fling you two had before I came along, I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to put a strain or anything on you two.”

“Oh, you’re not, we’re still best buds right?” I half smiled, quickly finishing off my alcohol.

“Well, everyone told me you two were like in love with each other, and I can tell you are, you two are always the topic of discussion, and when you’re around each other Shaun is a lot happier than when he’s around me. Even if we’re dating, you have no competition, and I’m just, kind of, there.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “Please, you’re like this perfect chick that any guy would be crazy not to want to date. I lost him to you and I’m not surprised, but I’m glad I lost to you and not some blonde bimbo with fake boobs and an orange tan. You’re really nice, and sure you’re a bit conservative, you’re chill, and he’s lucky to have you and you’re lucky to have him. But don’t let him go, ok? You’ll regret that tremendously if you let him go, I do. I waited too long; just don’t let him go. You won’t find a guy any better than him, he’s as good as they come and he’s one in a million.” My voice was beginning to crack and I quickly finished talking before she could catch on and before I would start my mental breakdown.

“Thank you. I’ll remember that.” She smiled before getting up and walking back into the house, “By the way, Shaun really does love you, or he still does anyway.” She added.

I quickly wiped away any tears threatening to fall just in time for Mason to sit next to me.

“Here.” He said flatly as he handed me a new cup of alcohol, “It’s rum, Jagermeister and a bit of vodka.” He smiled.

“Thanks dude.” I smiled before taking a huge gulp of my alcoholic concoction.

“So, what’d you say to Ashley?”

“Nothing, I just apologized is all.” I replied.

“You talked about Shaun too, didn’t you?” He sort of smiled.

“Ya, a little bit.”

“What’d you say?”

“She told me you guys told her about how Shaun and I were before she came along. She told me how much he talked about me and that she was envious of me, then I told her I was envious of her, and that she was lucky and shouldn’t let Shaun go.” I mumbled, feeling the lump in my throat grow bigger so I took another gulp of alcohol.

“Why? Now you have no shot.”

I shrugged my shoulder’s lightly, “Maybe not, but he’s happy with her and I guess that makes me happy too. If I love him, I have to let him be happy right? So I am, and if we were meant to get together, we will eventually, until then, he’s happy with her.”

“Ya, but are you happy?”

I shook my head slowly, “No, but that doesn’t matter, I don’t care if I’m not happy, all that matters to me is that he’s happy. There are times where I can be selfless, but when it comes to Shaun, it’s not one of those times. All I care about is that he’s happy, I’ll cope because I’ll be happy eventually, y’know? I have a family, tons of friends, a great career, I am happy, I think I can give up one thing to make two people happy.” I replied, quickly wiping away the tear that had rolled down my cheek.

“Dude, I wish I could help you and I wish I were only half as strong as you are.” He replied, hugging me tightly.

I nodded my head slowly before pulling away from him and putting on a smile before walking back into my house.

{&&}

Everyone had left, my house was a mess and I was definitely far from sober, I’m sure it was my last shot of vodka that had sent me over the edge.

The only ones still around were Shaun, Ashley, Mason and Scotty.

“Your cab is here.” Ashley said politely to Mason and Scotty.

“Alright, we’ll se you tomorrow Alison?” Mason slurred as he gave me a quick hug, followed by Scotty.

“Yep.” I replied bluntly as I leaned up against the wall to support myself.

The quickly left and all that was left now was a sober Ashley, partially intoxicated Shaun and a full-blown drunk me.

“I’ll get the car started, you go bring Alison to bed.” Ashley instructed as she left the house.
“Alright, you heard the woman.” He laughed as he put his arm around my waist to help support me as we made our way up the stairs and to my room.

I quickly stumbled into my room and commanded Shaun to turn around as I dressed myself.

“Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” Shaun asked.

“No, I’m good.” I slurred as I climbed into bed.

Shaun sat down next to me and held my hand in his.

“Y’know, Ashley told me what you said when you apologized to her.”

“Did she?” I asked.

“Ya, why would you say that instead of trying to get her to leave me or something?”

“Because I’m not really a bitch, much to your disbelief.” I mumbled, “And you’re happy with her.” I added.

“I’d be happier with you.”

“Then why stay with her?” I asked abruptly.

“Because she’s happy with me.”

“Ya, and you’re happy with her. I love you Shaun, I still do, but I want to see you happy, and you’re happy with her. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to be with you, but because I love you I want to see you happy, even if that means it’s not with me.”

“And I don’t want to see you happy?” He practically snapped.

“I never said that, I might not be happy now, even if I do have everything, but I will be eventually.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“It doesn’t matter, just drop it. I’d ask you to spend the night, but I know that’s not happening. So can you please just leave so I can sleep?” I begged, trying not to sound offended or upset.

“Alright, goodnight.” He said quietly before standing up and making his way over to my bedroom door.

I heard him open the door and stop abruptly, “I love you.” He said clearly.

“Goodbye Shaun.” I replied bitterly, just wanting him to leave so I could pass out, I didn’t want to tell him anymore that I loved him, the more I said it the more it hurt, and I just wanted him to leave.

He remained silent before he closed my door and I could here him run down my stairs before closing the front door behind him.

I cried myself to sleep that night, on my birthday… happy birthday to me.